Radio shagfest live from west London

Soo that was a nice weekend , on Sat took Little Mistress out for dinner , it was hot , but not hot enough for a pic-nic , so we went for a walk down by the river in Richmond . Very nice , very normal !!
Stayed in Sat night and shagged and cuddled and shagged and cuddled and shagged and watched a film , and cuddled and shagged and slept and woke up and shagged etc . etc. etc .. !!! ...

How sweet

How much fukin sex ??

Ooo I like this , I like it a lot ...

On Sunday took little Mistress for Roast dinner , then came back to my place , and shagged !!

Little Mistress went off to a birthday party at the Vibe bar on Brick Lane .

I went to meet the band I'm going to Russia with at a wicked little party in West London , a certain London Radio station had hired a whole pub and installed a huge sound system !! , interesting ...

Had to do a radio interview , with my mate C about the record label we run , I hate doing interviews , I always clam up , but this one actually turned out ok I suppose ...

Then we all got completely fukin munted, Hoorah !!!!

Turn's out that if I do my job well in Russia ( which I will ) , that this band has some really cool gigs lined up for me .. Top !!!

Were talkin like 80,000 people in Hyde Park .. And a 40,000 people festival in the Isle of White ...

Fukin awesome !!! , fukin very awesome indeed !!

I'm not going to turn this into a picture blogg , but I won't miss the opportunity to show you what the view's like from behind the mixing desk at an 80,000 people gig , it fukin rock's big time .... It's sorta like having the wolds biggest HiFi , and your at the fukin controls .... There's not many jobs in the world that top that one !!

I'm a very , very lucky boy !!

Watch this space for the pics ....

I can't believe how much I drank last night , I met some really beautiful girls though , who just happen to be a part of the machine that runs this Band ... Sooo I've got them all summer long , woohoo !!

This is going to be a Summer to remember I'm thinking !!

Pick up my new Apple Powermac G5 tomorrow .. Fukin can't wait , you will be my new baby and I will love you like a daughter O silivery box of joy ...

Had a fucked up dream last night that I was having a fist fight with my dad , god rest his soul !!!

What the fuck was that about ??

I never fought with my dad , ever ???, well not by using hand to hand combat ..

Far too many fuked up dreams lately , I think I had better calm down a bit !!

Anyway a top weekend was had by all .

Benny scale of fukedness = 575

Listening too The white stripe's new album ( Get behind me Satan ) , It's a biggy , not really my cup of tea , but it's a definite biggy people ...

I'm going to chill and enjoy the rest of the bank holiday ..

Skin right up !!!

Hot hot hot !!

It's a fukin gorgeous day in London people , the sun is out , it's red hot and there's not a cloud in sky !!!

Note to all london ladies : You all look beautiful in the sunshine , especially the girl who's just walked past the flat in that little red dress .. Fewwweee , come back I love you , I've always loved you , you just don't know it yet , I love your friend as well , and your dog , and you honey , and you babe , Ooo i'll go blind !!

I have lost my Blu-tack but that's ok , I'll deal with it ...

That week sucked , just sorta trauma after fukin trauma !! what with my mate J , that crap band night and just generally bollocks all round , not fun , not fun at all !!

Never mind.

Sooo Little Mistress is coming over today , woohoo , were going for a walk down by the river in Richmond and having a Pic-nic in the park .. Then i'm taking her up to Richmond Hill to show her where Mick Jagger and Pete Townsend live , star spotting , us , no !!!

I had a dream I was being attacked by Ninja's with plastic swords last night , what the fuck was that about ???

Any suggestions welcome on that one people , i'm confused !!

where the fuck is that Blu-tack ???

Listening to : new Turin Brakes album ( jackinabox ) .. Cool album , lovely harmonies , sorta reminds me of Fleetwood Mac a bit ( don't ask ) .. This one has it's seat in my Ipod booked already ( first class , next to the window , by the naughty stewardess who's bending over while pouring champagne I think !! ) ..

Ok then lets go and enjoy this fukin sun !!

Beer is for drinking mate !!

Sooo , were in our favorite pub last night , It's a beautiful evening in West London ... There's me and Little Mistress , my mate T , my mate P ( who's just landed himself a job as a Stockbroker for HSBC , go on son !! ) , and a few other people ... When my mate J , the girl who's just lost her mother arrives in a fukin foul mood and puts a bit of a dampner on thing's , OK understandable and acceptable under the circumstance ....

Anyway , were just having a laugh etc. etc . etc . when J out of the blue say's something really fukin nasty to T , bang out of order mate !!, T then tell's her to " go fuck herself " . Oh dear !! , J then stand's up grabs a pint of Stella Artois and proceeds to empty the content's over T's head , WRONG FUKIN MOVE J , big fukin mistake ..

T is : 1. Irish 2. 6ft 8 3. built like a brick shithouse 4. posesses an ego the size of fuckin Belfast !! 5. does not take shit from anyone at anytime , ever !!

T then sequentially pour's the whole content's of the table over J's head were talkin Beer , Lager, JD and coke, vodka , 2 bloody mary's , peanuts , crisps and a half finished carbonara .. By this time J is fukin screaming like a two year old ... What's wrong J ? don't you want to play this game anymore mate !!

Note to J : do not start what you cannot finish !!! ..

J looked like a fukin swamp monster on a bad day ..

And before you ask , no , there were no drugs involved !!

So anyway , I think J got off pretty lightly , if She had been a He , I wouldn't want to even predict the outcome of that scenario ???

So now were all barred from our Favorite pub !!

Thank's J , thanks a fukin bunch mate !!

You are sooo far not off the hook yet babe.

you fukin Idiot.

Me and little Mistress went home and shagged. Bless ..

Off out the door , I have a club to run !!

I'm in this for the Love !!!

Note to all bands , everywhere .

Don't try and organise a medium sized gig for your unsigned , unheard of band , in England , when there's a ( listen to this , it's fukin important ) , really good football match on the TV ..

Your absolutely guaranteed that you will be playing to yourself , and you will not make anything on the door ..

I myself took my own TV ( mini-tele ) and plonked it on the mixing desk !!

Note to self : Don't scream at the penalty shootout , with the talkback mic left open , whoops !!!

The band thought I was screaming for them ..... NOT !!!

Also , don't turn round to me at the end of the night and say , " i can't pay you because we didn't make any money " , or I will hold your equipment to ransom till you toddle off to the cashpoint to get me my fukin money , you twats !!! , this is my job , not my fukin hobbie !!

And please do not !!! ( get this , this is fukin great ) , blame the lack of attendance on the fact that Oasis are playing down the road !!!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!


Noooo , Oasis are a BIG band, and you are a SMALL band , about the size of a nanobeast's Kneecap !!! , Get it nanobeast = smaller than the very smallest small thing that lives at 108 Small road , Smallville , County Small ..

Teeny Tiny ...

So I was doing live bands tonight ...

It was pants ...

The bands were shit !!

There was nobody there ...

Just me and the band , and a band Dad ...

Got paid though !!!!

After an assault course of Bullshit !!

I do not care , just show me the money !!

Nooo , don't care just show me the money !!

Nope , i know your Granny need's a triple bypass op , that's really nice , now show me the fukin money !!

Show me the fukin money you twats , or i'm going to the music exchange first thing in the morning with your shiny new Marshall guitar stack , I work , you pay , it's a really fukin simple equation !!!!!!!

I think i'm a little pissed off after tonight ...

Ummm.

Better go to bed then ..

Rant over !!!!

Speechless !!!

The bastards have torn down my petition !!!

Sooo , I've put it back up again ...

Damn the bureaucracy , damn them to hell and back ( with a big sharp pointy stick with dog poo on the end ) , it's for a fine and nobel cause , a nobel cause of great importance , I have the scars to prove it !!!

I'm so cut up inside , I have not the energy nor the enthusiasm to do a proper posting today !!

Torn apart !!!

Winded from one of life's gigantic kick to the pants !!

Eaten up and then spat out the other end of the very fabric of being !!!!!

Shot from the cannon of cockamamie !!

Removed from a jar of 18 year old detest and spread headlong onto the mouldy bread of disgust ( no mustard please , thanx ) , before being thrown to the ground ( wrong side up ) , and then eaten by the rottweiler hound of abomination ( available all good pet stores ) !!!

Upset even !!

Bastards , some people care not !!!!

My petition

And the Scene of the crime !!!

Fuckers !!!

And no I'm not Timothy Leary !!!

Jiggy pant's..

Sooo , Just arrived home after a day in the studio , did some good work today ..

I usually don't work on Monday's , but after a pretty relaxing weekend indoors , at my place ( did I really just say that ?? ) , with the lovely Little Mistress , I decided I should get off my arse and do some work ..

We stayed in because , A . It's a bit pointless being out with someone when all you want to do is get home and rip each others clothes off ( and we did !!! , yeh !! ) ..

B . It was a full moon , and people get a little crazy at full moon , and i'm not one for taking crap from doughnuts ...

Yeah man , we even got shit just going to the local shop for some beers , dickhead pushes right in front of me at the counter , knocks Little Mistress clean out the way ,and he's like " naw mate you don't worry about it !! " , " I fukin won't if you know what I mean you prick " , I grabbed the fuker by the neck and moved him slowly out of the way , applying just enough pressure to make him turn a dodgy purple colour , " There's no need to be like that mate " , " Yes there is , Fuck off !! "...

Wait your fukin turn , like the rest of us have to , the world was not just built around your skinny ass you know !!!

Trouble is nobody ever say's anything to these fucks !!!

I will !!!

Tosser !!

I'm not really a big fan of confrontations , But I'm English and I will not abide bad mannered people , period !!!!

Anyway ...

Me and Little Mistress got jiggy all weekend , so I was absolutely knackered today ... Nothing a little coffee can't ever fix though , Oooo coffee , i'm off to put the kettle on , hold on just a minute !!



I have returned !!

Me + coffee ...

All good ..

So where was I , Oh yes !!

Little Mistress , yeah !! , that girl rocks ( no really !! ) ..

An education in little white panties !!!

And ( never start a sentence with and !! ) little white sock's , innocent , I don't quite think sooo !!

We curled up on the sofa all day Sunday and read the papers and watched TV and snogged , ocasionally re-visiting the bedroom for a shag , ocasionally , Ha !! , frequently is more like it !!

A smashing weekend was had by all ..

I could get used to this .

A lady in a social situation , a complete whore in bed ..

But in a really beautiful way !!

Fantastic !!!

What more could a growing boy ever want !!!

Naughty , Naughy girl !!

The guy who lives upstairs gave me a knowing wink this morning ...

What the fuck was that about !! , get your own little mistress you fukin perve !!!

I'm violated !!!!

I've been asked to live engineer a band in Russia in a couple of weeks time , hope all the gears not all in fukin Russian , now that could be a knightmare , I guess I'll cross that brideski when I come to it !!

Eating : chicken pasta a la me , drinking coffee ..

Listening too : Oasis " Don't believe the truth " , I'm giving it another go after watching a documentry on the making .. Still not feeling it though !!! , it's just too fukin busy , too well mixed and tooo fukin shiny shiny new , with no fukin soul !!
I'll bet you now that when it's released the critics tear it apart .. Watch this space .. I'll eat my words if they don't !!! , I've just A-B'd it with Champagne Supernova ( to see if it's just me being judgemental ) , Nope , there's definitely something missing here , shame !! , I think they've learned to play too well and it just don't sound as good ( if you know what I mean ) , sorta Oasis by the numbers ...

Sorry Lads !!!

Can you dance ? , can you ? , I think not !!

Sooo , I'm at the club last night , and the DJ's want's to take a leak , so I take over for five minutes while he does what he has to do !!!

Pissed punter walks up to DJ box and following conversation takes place !!!

Him : Have you got that tune that Goes ?

Me : Sorry mate I'm not the Dj , he's gone to the toilet ...

Him : Yeah but have you got that one , that goes ?

Me : No mate , he's gone to the toilet , I'm just filling in till he get's back ...

Him : Yeah but , have you got that one that goes ?

Me : Listen doughnut read my lips , I'M NOT THE D J , HE'S GONE TO THE TOILET , THAT'S T. O. I. L. E . T. , AND I'M JUST FILLING IN FOR A MINUTE TILL HE GETS BACK , DO YOU UNDERSTAND ? , AM I GETTING THROUGH TO YOU ?? , DO YOU COMPUTE ??? , EARTH TO DOUGHNUT , COME IN DOUGHNUT !!!! ....

Him : O yeah , sorry mate , but do you have that tune that goes ?

Me : For fuck sake , yeah mate i'll play it in a minute !!

Him : Wicked mate , you rock like !!!

He then proceeds to stumble back to the dance floor , straight through the middle of a table of girls , shit goes flying everywhere , picks himself up , then fall's over one of the subwoofers , picks himself up again , shakes his head ... manages to find the dancefloor after waving to it for a while like it should maybe come over to him and starts dancing like none of the above has ever happened ....

Jeez Louise ......

As I'm on my way home , I spot this guy trying to chat up a fukin lampost .... Ha!!!

I would not like to be him this morning ....

That's gonna hurt kid !!!

Waiting for little Mistress to arrive , then I'm taking her for Lunch !!! , Yeh !!

Listening tooo : WarrenSuicide " I know u EP " , I like this band , the French girl who does the on stage visuals is sooo hot that I find It difficult to talk to her , I just want to take her home and fuck her brains out .... Whoooeeee !!!

Bad head !!!

Oooooffff , bad head !!!

I feel about as rough as a badgers arse !!!!

So much for only going out for a couple of quiet drinks after a day in the studio ....

Met up with little Mistress and a few mates , got smashed !

I have no milk for coffee , need coffee , brain not working too well !!!

On a brighter note , have cheque in front of me for shiny new G5 Applemac .. Yeh !!

Must bank cheque , must wake up , must , Oh shit !! , I've just remembered it's Friday and I have a club to run tonight , Fuck !!! , no rest for the fukin wicked eh !!

Better get my skates on !!

Gonna go and cook Stirfry a la me !!

What the fuck happened last night , don't feel guilty so It must have been all good , could't keep my hand's off Little Mistress , again , she's a fukin naughty one that girl , I can tell you ...

She's coming over tomorrow to spend the weekend at my place , Hoorah !! , looking forward to that , a lot !!! ...

I'm gonna take her out for lunch , then bring her home , rip her clothes off , and have some fun , Yeh !! , woohoo !!

Oh and while I remember , Sign My Petition Please

It's for a good cause !!!

Gonna go and cook .....

Listening to : Nothing , head hurts too much !!!

Ouch !!

No excuse , Whatsoever !!!!

Mental note to self : Do not !!! , after a visit to the dentist ( for biting through cable onstage ) , come home , put up new TV aerial , leave wire cutters downstairs , bite through coaxial cable , knock out fukin temporary tooth cap , then have to go back to the dentist with tale between legs to get new temporary cap .. Then moan that your bored because you've missed your 5 o'clock meeting in the West end , there all down the pub getting pissed as I speak .... it's your own fukin fault Looney tune ....

If I had a brain I'd be fukin lethal !!!!!!!!!!!

On a brighter note , bought furry spider thingy with built in radio on the way home , and have rewired it to the stereo , it's blasting Marilyn Manson ( beautiful people ) out it's ass as we speak !!! ,

It rocks !!!

I don't !!$%$@!!±£$@$^%!

Oh well , at least I can see something other than snow on the TV !!!!

So , what you gonna do now then doughnut !!!

Listening too : The Spidertron Ass-o-matic 5000 !!!!

Dental Pain ( in the arse !! )

Sooo , this morning , woke up , got ready , went to the dentists at 9am , although my appointment wasn't at 9am, it's at 2pm , it's looks like frikken 9am on the card !!!! , the dentist agreed and apologised ??? ..Thanks !!

So I've had to cancel all my meetings apart from my 5 o'clock in the West end ... And i'm back in the house , v.pissed off ...

I'd cancel the dentist if it wasn't for the fact that you can only get an appointment with him once every two fukin month's ???

Guess he's a busy boy then !!

Me fukin too mate !!!! ....

I'm having a tooth capped + i'm a bit of a nervous patient , thanks to the prick who drilled into a nerve ( with no anasthetic !! ) when I was a kid ... Ooww , Ouch I can still feel that all these years later !!!

My mother had to drag me kicking and screaming to a dentist for years after that !!! . Sorry mum , I know I was a bit of a handfull for you !

Note to me : Don't try and bite through cable's on stage in the dark ... In fact don't try and bite through cables on stage again , actually listen , just don't bite through cables full stop mate , or hard things , or anything else that's not food ... Allright !!!!

Never mind , at least I get some free Novacaine ... Yeh !!

So I have two hours to kill , and i'm fukin bored , and rambling on .... and on !!

I'm gonna go and have some lunch ...

Didn't have time to blog a story yesterday , I got a recall on a mix at about 4pm , so had to drop everything and go to the studio ... Sorry , I'll do one soon ...

I'm rambling again ...

For fucks sake !!!

Listening too : Kraftwerk ( maximum minimum , live ) , I was lucky enough to see one of these gigs from behind the mixing desk ( not me mixing it unfortunately ) , awesome to watch though , and incredibly well mixed ... Sounded FATTT !!! ...

Bored !!!!!

Zapp Industries , earn money at the press of a button ?

Jeez , I was up till 4am this morning nursing a very sick Apple Mac , installed a new soundcard driver and Bamm !!! , she locked me out , talk about running around the houses , but today is invoicing day so it had to be done , all better now though .. I'm sure she knows there's a ( quiet , shhh !!! ) G5 on it's way , I'm not replacing you dear , you're just going in the kitchen ...

+ I have no fukin sugar for coffee , need coffee !!! ...

I got a call from Little Mistress last night , she'd been in hospital visiting a mate who got mugged in the West End , the bastard's had zapped him with one of those electric Taser gun thing's , then as he was on the floor they kicked the shit out of him , seemingly he's in a right state , face all smashed up etc. etc. Fukin crack head's , there everywhere ...

I mean who invent's a fukin thing like a Tazer gun ...

There's some nutjobs out there .....

What do you do, like wake up one morning and think , Oh ! I know I'll invent a gun that can paralyze a human being on demand , " but " , they say " It's for protection " , protection from who , other people with fukin Tazer guns ...

Fukin Tazer wars , The film !!!!!

It must have cost at least £300 to buy on the black market , and all to steal £20 from Little Mistress's mate , or do you see it as a long term investment ....

That's a lot of crack , you could kill yourself with that much , if you tried hard enough !!

I mean I do coke , but that shit just ain't funny ..

I know I've watched mates deteriate on it , one day successful BBC film producer , the next , gutter boy stealing TV to sell for drugs from his mum ( true story ) , fukin ouch !!!

No Crack , No Smack !!! , thats what I say ...

Yes alright I know , the pot has just called the kettle black !! ( it's a bit of a strange saying that one , Ummm .. ) , but they really are two different animal's ...

Off on a sugar hunt ...

I may blogg a story later on if I get all these invoices done !!!

Coffee saved my ass !!!

That was fukin close ....

Got an email from my bank this morning , saying they were having server trouble ...

First thing in the morning , I'm still a bit asleep !!

So I followed the link to the online accounts bit ...

And i'm just about to log on , when my brain fires up ...

No! No ! No ! Stop right there !!!!! ....

Fraud scam , you fuckin fuckers ...

That was clever , real fukin clever , the site was a complete duplicate , impossible to tell ... they knew my bank , my account and my private email address ...

Good job I'm on a mac so they can't install spyware ...

Tracked the email back to some server mid Poland !!!

Fire up the unix machine !!!

Ping of doom , ping of doom !!! ...

Geek comment : ( I know it's ping of death but I prefer doom alright !! )

O dear just frozen out your server from 1800 different Proxies ... Ha you fuckers !!!

And I'm gonna leave it running all fukin week ...

Guess that I.T. network degree I did for something to take my mind off my parents death , came in handy afterall !!!

If I'd gone the other way round , and gone online before drinking coffee , I would have logged on ...

And the fukers probably would be clearing out my accounts as we speak ....

TWATS !!!!

Watch yourselfs people's , these fukers are good !!!

That's rude dear !!!

O my god !!!

Sooo , were in the pub last night , after drinking steadily all day , sort of slowly sliding more and more down the sofa's and assuming the horizontal position ... were all joking and having a laugh and generally taking the piss out of life etc. etc. etc.
when Little mistress walks in with fukin parent's in tow ... I nearly fuckin throw up as i eject half a pint of stella artois over myself from sheer terror ... No mate , please do not introduce me to your folks when were all completely smashed down the pub , no good , I really don't think your parents would appreciate the carnage dear ...

I hide behind my mate A , not the best choice really as he's a bit of a rockstar , and probably the most looked at person in the fukin pub !!! ... Woops bad decision time ???

Thank fuck for big hats is all I can say ....

Little mistress clocks us , but luckily has half a brain ( good girl , you are the fukin nuts ... ) , and removes herself and parents to adjoining bar and out of harms way ... Phew that was a bit close babe ....

I assume the horizontal again ....

Now where were we !!!!

For fucks sake ....

After about an hour I see little Mistresses folks leave , she comes to join the fun .. Hoorah !!!

We all stay till closing ...

I'm looking at the table and thinking my god thats a lot of empties for nine people ...

One of the barmaid did try to clear it at one point but gave in after A's " lovely arse bird wanna see my mic stand and gaffa tape collection " , comments ..

Oooo K .. Alrighty !!!

They all go off to some West End club

I get dragged home by you know who ? ...

Oh dear , Oh dear Indeedy ...

This girl is too much for little old me !!!

Can't see me becoming sexually bankrupt with this one in a hurry !!!

Are girls allowed to do things like that ?

You'll get me arrested dear ...

Thats rude !!.

I'd tell you , but I'm still trying to fathom it out myself !!!

Really fukin rude !!!

Yes ... Well ... Ok ....

Got to bed at six , had to be up at 11 , she was taking parents out to lunch ...

Came home in cab in a real daze , fukin Ipod battery ran out half way through the fukin journey , so had to put up with foreign fukin cabbie talking about his son's fukin PHD , for fuck sake , I really couldn't give a rats ass about fukin gene splicing tales of woe kid !!!!, at least not this morning anyway ...

I'm listening to this shit and I'm thinking , if only you fukin knew what I was doing at three this morning mate , I mean come on really ... Hee Hee !

Sooo I'm back in the house , proper , proper hungover , recharging stupid fukin Ipod ....

Then I'm heading out for some well needed lunch ...

Come on little machine suck up that juice ...

Haven't I heard that somewhere before ???

Really !!!

Benny scale of fukedness = 810

And counting ...

Erheemm !!!

I'm asleep , Somebody else is writing this !!!

Sooo , I'm asleep , it's Saturday ,and that mean's the weekend start's here .... O dear , here we go again ..


I was going to go see little Mistress , but she's doing the parent entertaining thing , I'm invited , but bowed out gracefully , Er ! , i'm not quite ready for that on third date honey !!! , thanks and alll that but =No no no !!! ...

Maybe next year pet lamb ...


So I've just had a nice email , from one of our countries top music mags , confirming they are letting me write a column on music production for the laymen ... A sort of how we do things in our industry , ( err do we actually do anything , suppose we do , actually I work like a fuker , that's why I'm on third cup of coffee and I've just risen after getting in at four this morning ??? ) .... Blagh blagh blagh ......

So anyway , I'm now , Record producer , sound engineer , artist , club proprietor , crap blogger , proper cokehead , Little Mistress spanker and Award winning journalist ( with no awards !! ) .... Phewww !!! .. All in one lifetime , and it ain't over by a long shot yet kids ......

I've just realised i'm still asleep ...

Fuck i'm tired ,

No rest for the wicked and all that ...

Right i'm going to see the man that can , and he will , and then I will ...

Off to Shoreditch to hang out with the fukin Idiots tonight , Joy of fukin joy's ....

It's all a bit Nathen Barley over there , much prefer west London ....

Still a parties a party ...

This will be fun , you can really take the piss out of these planks , and they still think it's all in the name of cool ....

You want cool , buy a fukin fridge ... Or actually , just have an idea that make's sense in the real world you fukin doughnuts ....

Go stuff a shark or spray a wall with car paint or spin on your head or something ( Oooo i'm not worthy ) , Ha what the fuck's that about , art ! , art ! .... Don't think soooo !!!! , Radiohead , now that's fukin art !!!!

Heading out for some food then .....

Listening to "OK computer " , nuff said ......


Oh fuck off the lot of you ....

Snore !!!

Tai green bottom ?

Sooo , i've just returned from Little Mistresses , damn that girl's hot hot hot ! .

Oh and by the way in case anyone's interested she'd bought a little maids outfit from Soho ( she wore it not me this time !! )..
She looked very sassy , very sassy indeedy ...

So I bent her over the kitchen table and spanked her little bottom ....

Ha !

She called me a naughty boy !! . Which is funny cos I thought I was being on my best behaviour ? , seeing as it's only our second date and all that ..

I'd bought her some groceries , so I cooked a Tai green curry , we ate , then she ate me , she said it was a little hot , a little hot . No fukin shit !!

We cuddled up for a while , then we went to bed for a couple of hours , she made a little tent out of the bed sheet's , that's just so fukin sweet !! ... This girl's heaven sent , really !!! ...

Then she fucked my brains out ....

Twice ...

Tee Hee !!

More Sexercise please vicar !!! ....

I didn't stay the night coz she was getting up for work at 7am , And i'm running the club tommorow night, so i'm not really intending to go to bed before 4am tonight , and seen as though we can't keep our hands off each other, we thought it best if I didn't stay ....

Shame I was really enjoying the company ...

Next time little Mistress , next time ...

Oh well , I guess she'll just have to look after that sore bottom all by herself then !! Tee Hee heeee !!!

Today I manged to raise a couple of grand , to buy a new Duel 2 Ghz Apple G5 ( advance on a some film that used my music ) , can't wait , it means I can write some music indoors ... which I can do on my trusty old G4 ... But not to the sort of standard to post on my soon to be unleashed Londoncokehead web site ( under construction !! ) ....

Yeh !!! , new bird , new mac ....

All good !!

Listening too : Neil Young ( Decade.. ) . Nice songs , but he didn't half used to winge on !! , cheer up you miserable fuck .. you need a little Mistress , just like mine !!! .

Skin up ...

Hey !! , over here guy's , International threat ?

Just spoke to little Mistress and she was having a bath , I can hear her splish sploshing about and she's talking dirty to me on the phone , and it's not fair coz I'm here and she's there !!! , she won't tell me what she's bought in Soho , she say's I have to be a good boy when I see her tomorrow night or else , or else what ?? ..

I'm feeling slightly hot under the collar ....

O dear ! ...

I like this girl , she's hot !!! Sizzle Sizzle !!!

This is interesting though , on Sat morning in my post Two Belgians medium rare on a spit please , I wrote the words "Stop bombing Iraq , and bomb these fuckers instead please !!!! " ,
and today I got hit's from four American Military Government servers , check that out fukin four !!!!

Coincidence ??

I do not know ???

Does the big brother really exist ?

Is Echelon really listening to little old me ??

And if so can I have a brand new Golf GTI , my own Pub and a big bag of skunk for christmas santa ... Please !!!!

My reply to them...

Hello you big Twats !!!!

Want some druggss , Tee Hee !!!!

Bleep bleep , Limey on the loose .

With big sharp pointy teeth .

I have a bomb in my pant's and I'm not afraid to use it !

Woops a daisy !! , getting a bit carried away there ...

Allrighty ..

Anyway I'm gonna go and catch the last couple of hour's in the pub across the road ...

Listening to : Patti Page ( Old Cape Cod ) , it's making me yearn for the seaside , yum yum lobster stew , that sounds fukin good !!!!

Ouch !! , Little Mistress , Stop that !!!

Sooo , that was fun ...

I have aquired a Mistress ( yeh !! )

I rang up a friend I've know for a couple of mounth's to see if she would like to come to this party on Sat night , she did , she came , we went ....

We get to the party and find a little corner and sit on this leather couch ...

She starts getting all naughty on my ass !!! , I swear I never even got to talk to any of my mates , we just snogged for like three fukin hour's man ... By this point i'm in such a frenzy that we call a cab and go straight back to her's ....

I mean this girl is cute, very , very fukin cute , a little over five feet , long brunette hair , sexy little body and the most beautiful little hands and feet i've ever seen !!! ...

So we gets back to little Mistresses flat , after nearly snogging each other through the floor of the minicab , and within five minutes of getting through the door , she's got the wine out , the drugs out , and were watching porno films on the telly....

Within ten minutes i'm tied to the couch getting the blow job from hell while wearing her little black dress , this girl is good , and I mean really fukin good ... talk about being driven mad !!! ...

As the night rolls on , she has me in her miniskirt , several dresses , were in the bath , on the couch , on the fukin bed , i'm fucking her with her vibrator , we have the oil out , she screaming the fukin house down , everything !! , this is like being in a fukin porn film .....

Ouch!!! , actually double fukin ouch !!!!

We finally get to bed about six in the morning ...

We keep waking up and fucking , go girl !!! ...

Sexercise !!!!

We wake up at about one to the sound of what I can only describe as the worst gospel choir in the world , doing the gospel thing in the church across the street ..

I mean badder than bad !!! , dummer couldn't drum , keyboard player i'm sure was on fukin acid and as for the congregation well !!! , me fukin owww !!! ...

Sooo after about an hour of the longest outro in human history , they finally shut the fuck up...

We make a cup of tea , they start up again with the same fukin song ....

Arrrrggghhhh !!!

Fuck this !!! , I take Little Mistress for Sunday lunch ....

We go to the pub , and low an behold , guess who's here ? , the fukin party troopers from last night , that's who !! , there all still up , no one's been to sleep , talk about fukin carnage .....

There's much falling over and mumbling going on here ...

One of my mate's is trying to work out how to get mussels from plate into mouth , looking very fukin confused !!!

In walks top advertising Exec girl , and catches my mate B , who's supposed to be in the studio doing music for big blue chip client for tomorrow mornings fukin deadline , and he just end's up drooling on her coz he can't speak .... She looks impressed !!

Well done kid !!!

Good skill's ...

Me and little mistress find a quite table away from the kaos crew . We have Lunch and get pissed all day on wine .....

Top weekend ......

I'm seeing little mistress on Thursday for round two , she's going shopping in Soho she say's , to buy god knows what I don't know ?? , I'm intrigued to say the least ??? ...

Happy days ....

Sooo , Benny scale of fukedness = 720 , not bad , not bad at all !!!

Two Parties , Yeahhh !!

Soo we have two parties tonight ( woo hooo be dooo !! ) ...

Party no.1 = My mate J's ( girl ) mother's goodbye drink !!! , ( haven't we been doing this all week J mate ) ... Not staying for this one for too long , sorry J but i've been with you all week , and not wanting to sound too selfish , I've sort of had enough of death for one week , It's reminding me of losing my parents tooo much mate !!! ... Pangs of guilt flying round the room here, but I need a bit of fun kid ....

Party no.2 = My mate also J ( boy ) funnily enough , Birthday bash ( yeahhhhh !!! ) .. We've hired a whole pub for this one , this will be lots and lots of madness ... We have decks , and big big sound system courteous of SBE ( much respecto !! ) ..
Two of my mates are DJ'ing back-to-back , there brother's , one a professional DJ and the other a drug dealer ... So they'll be feeding off each other in more way's than one , I expect them to disappear behind the deck's in a frenzy of complete nonsense around 9 o'clock ( all good kid's , all good ) .... So we have some of the best music and drugs and women ( were talking super super fit here ) in West London ( Excited Jolly fukin Jolly ) ....

Or I could go and talk about death , Ummmm !!!! , Sorry that's not really fair is it .... ( just had a row with myself , we fought , I won , friends again , " you fukin selfish prick !!! " , " Stoooop it ", " fuck the fuck off " , Fight , Fight ......



I win !!!!

Benny Scale of fuckedness = 0 ( haven't started yet )

Listening too : Green Onions , Booker T & the Mg's , dooby dooby doob dooo !!!

Right then , going to Nando's for Lunch ....

Bye !!

Two Belgians medium rare on a spit please

Sooo , I'm finally back home , Phew that was a long day ...

Having a beer and relaxing before bed , O I see you bed and you look so fukin inviting..

But before going to bed I have to tell you this story as it's really pissing me off ..

Sooo we take a break after setting up the club and go for dinner at this restaurant around the corner ..

We sit down to order and the folowing conflab takes place ...

Waiter " can I take your order please "

Me " I'll have the Burger please medium rare "

Waiter " sorry sir we can't do that "

Me " what the fuck do you mean you can't do that "

Waiter "Sorry sir under European Law you can't have a Burger medium rare "

Me " are you taking the piss mate !!! "

Waiter " No Sir really under European law you must have ground beef well done "

What the fuckin fuck is that about !!!!!

Listen you Belgian EEC fukin twats , Fuck the fuck off and go and be fukin anal fukin elsewhere ...

No really get a fukin life ...

If I want a burger medium rare I reserve the right to have a burger medium fuckin rare ..

I've never heard anything so fukin stupid in my life you foreign twats ...

I bet you make your offspring go to bed at six o'clock even tho there 18 years old you dicks..

" O Sven I'm so so worried that you have left the milk out if the fridge , I think we better cut short our holiday in Florida and return to Brussels and make sure "...

FUCK OFF YOU TWATS !!!

Stop bombing Iraq , and bomb these fuckers instead please !!!!

Rant over ...

Bed time ...

Time management skill's required ( apply within )

Today I have to : Demo an advert , run a club , eat this bacon sandwich , wake up ,drink coffee , Oooo nice coffee and move fukin house !!

How the fuck am i gonna do all that ???

Arrrrrrgggghhhh !!!! it's all too much ...

Come on cab where the fuck are you ?? ...

Listening too : New Oasis album , third playing , sorta growing on me ( like a dodgy fugus !! ) ...
Production's a little thin Boys , I think you should stop using posh studio's , get a bit of that Oasis grit back in the mix ..
And stop trying to sound like John fukin Lenon for fuck sake !!! Jeez louise !!
Nope it's off , Nine inch nails back on ..... Ahhh , Bliss !!

Cab !!!!

Synchronise watches !!

Go o oooooo o !!! ...

NIN

Funeral over

Nuff said ...


Listening to NIN with teeth : Big fukin teeth Trent !!! .. Luv it !!

+ Oasis , Don't believe the truth ( and I don't think I do personally ) ... need some time with this one ...

Fukin 'A' Trent , that's some hot production kid ...

My Ex used to love to love Nine inch nails , fuck I'm really missing you SBW .....

I guess I always will mate ....

Ouch that hurts !!

Dad-boarder !!

Sooo , I'm on the bus after a meeting in the West End , not a fan of the tube during the day ... And I'm standing next to Mr Trendy wendy , I reckon about 39 years , bleech blonde hair , shorties shorts , stussy top , Van trainers and brand new skateboard all shiny shiny , A.K.A the Dad-boarder !!! . I love these dudes man , but get a mountain bike or something your too fukin old you fukin doughnut...

Anyway , Dad- boarder gets to his stop ( and he's raring for action ). Sooo as the doors open he bounds on to the street and starts to run at the same time dragging the board along the floor ready for the big drop !! , the moment arrives , he throws the beloved board in front of him and jumps on , Wooooosh offff wee goooo !!!! ... Skateboard meet raised curb , raised curb meet skateboard !! , Slaaap !!! , the back trucks slam into the curb and shiny shiny board stops dead , Dad-boarder carries on of course and meets his match from a stationary parking meter coming in the opposite direction ... Thwack !!!!! . I'll bet 10-1 that Dad-boarder broke his arm , that shit must have really fukin hurt ... The huge uproar from the 16 year old hoodies on the corner was worth it's weight in gold !! . As I was saying , mate do yourself a favour and buy a fukin mountain bike , actually don't bother ... ( That is of course not till your arms all better ) ....

Off to buy Nina Simone ( Feeling good ) , for J's mums funeral ....

The Benny scale of fuckedness !!

Soo on Sunday night we invented the Benny scale of fuckedness ...

Me and T's rating scheme , 0-1000 of how nutted we can get at the weekend ...
a sort of carnageanonometer for the masses ??

0 = Stayed in

100 = Crap night out !!

150 = Where's the fukin dealer ?

250 = Moderately good weekend , not too many drugs , not too much hassle ...

350 = Getting there , slowly !!

500 = Definitely getting there , lots of drugs , lots of music , lots of women and a good fukin time being had by all...

600 = We blasted into space on a big rocket ship and have returned to tell the tale ( allbeit several day's later ) !!!

700 = Ooops !! Do I know you , why are you in my bed ? What policeman ? How much ? You didn't did you ???

800 = You painted it what colour ? No , that's not my car ? That much really ? What fukin pavement ? You are having a laugh aren't you ? ......

900 = When ? Where ? How ? Why ? Orange you say , you could be right , mine's a JD and coke please !!!!

950 = Call a fukin ambulance , It's not my fault , it was the hippo on the scooter in the corner with the tablelamp !!!

970 = Oooo ! ( wibble wobble !! )

1000 = Nobody gets this far mate ... Nobody , Elvis has left the building , actually he's left the fukin planet !!

And that's about the size of that . From now on , all weekends and probably all post will be followed by the Benny scale of fuckedness ...

Thank you and goodnight !!!!

My thought's on death ( but not all of them tho ) ...

Sooo , Interesting weekend , ran the club Friday , usual shit , different night !! . Got home , slept , got up , rang the dealer , went to Portobello road , met some mates in the pub who were still at it from the night before !! , got high , nearly fell over, and went and did the death duty thing with J .. You know it's hard to deal with a mate in that sort of situation .. she was complaining that nobody is being " there " for her , even though we all are !! ... Everybody ran a mile from me when I lost my parent's and now for the first time I can see why , it's really opened my eyes ...

My thought's ...

Fact 1 : People find it incredibly difficult to deal with death ... even more so when it's not directly connected to them ( as in the case of a friend ) ..

Fact 2 : They will do anything to avoid you and your loss ( because it's all too much to deal with and might spoil my o so fukin happy day !!! )

Fact 3 : And this one's hard to deal with people ... ( actually I can't write this one down , coz I can't put it into words without it sounding wrong and me sounding like a selfish bastard , sorry !!! ) ...

Fact 4 : I guess we all know we've got it coming , but we'll deal with it later !!!!

Jeez louise this is a morbid post !!!

Enough allready !!!!

On a more positive note : Left J , sunday morning , met up with T , rang the man , got wasted and invented the Benny scale of fuckedness !!!!!!

See above !!!!!