Cocaine ..

Sooo , So maybe it's time to talk about the real issue of this blog , after all it is titled Diary of a London Cokehead !!

So here we go , Cocaine .. The fukin lowdown ..

This is what happens to an addict , to me ..

So I'm drawn to cocaine twice sometimes three times a week , not a great deal compared to some , but enough .

I don't really have much say in the matter !

It used to be a lot more but I've managed to whittle it down to an amount I can deal with and still lead a semi-ordinary life ( as far as my life goes anyway ) ..

It's all a bit Jeckle and Hyde which incedentally was written on cocaine by a cokehead ( Robert Louis Stevenson ) , it was written on a six day bender and that's fukin hardcore even by my standards ...

So , the cravings kick in without notice , you feel the demons taking over , the addiction grabs hold and you either try and fight it or prepare yourself for the inevitable ..

I prefer to prepare ( which means seeing the man before the event ) ..

You can feel yourself start to get excited , it's kind of a strange madness as your body knows what's coming and that's all it will let you think about ( The Mr Hyde bit .)

The addictions not quite as powerfull as tobacco , but tobacco doesn't alter your state of mind quite like cocaine .

So i'll go to the pub , neck about three pints and only then will I let myself have a line ..

Then BAM !! , the world starts to get real shiny ..Fukin real shiny ..

You go from being slightly pissed to completely sober in 45 secs ...

You feel it surge thru your body like nitros oxide thru a fukin car engine ..

Then you can be anyone you want to be , you can drink and drink and drink like a motherfuker ..

At this point most people start talking shit but I prefere to just sit back and watch the madness unfold .

I also have the ability to listen which most cokeheads throw right out of the fukin window ..

Listen , observe and assimilate all the shit that's going on around you ..

I've been doing it long enough to avoid the classic pitfalls i.e. Telling your life story to somebody who doesn't give a fuck , Telling your most intimate secrets to the world , Thinking that your gods gift to women , Making a complete pratt of yourself and the cardinal sin of them all..... Thinking that your the coolest thing since sliced fukin bread ...

All to often I've seen people becoming ( including myself ) ... Fucking unbearable in the extreme ..

If you can avoid all of that shit , and you pick the right company you can have some fantastic nights out ..

If not , then you'll lose all your friends and sink into deep fukin depression alone .

You have to do it in a way so as not to let anyone know your doing it ..

Otherwise you get labelled as a cokehead which is what you actually are but hey that's just circumstantial ...

And don't live in fukin denial ...

You are a drug addict so deal with it but don't be act like a fukin Junkie ..

None of this probably makes any sense to you , but it does to me and this is my fukin private therapy session and not fukin yours !!

So the night out ends and if you've played your cards right it'll have been a good one , you'll have done some business , made some friends , pulled a new girl , whatever ..

You go home , no damage done ..

If not then it's only your own fault ..

Anyway the next day is usually a bad hangover , and that's it really ...

The day after that is normal , and the one after that ..

Then , well then for me it all starts again ..

The golden rules for me are :

1. Don't do too much in one go .
   
2. Never do cocaine in a work enviroment .
3. Give myself at least two days off after a bender .
4. Always eat well .
5. Still go to the gym .
6. Make sure that your on top of cocaine and cocaine is not on top of you .
7. Don't feel fukin sorry for yourself the day after doing it .
8. Never feed anyone else's habit .
9. Never give your wrap to any one else unless you can watch exactly what they are doing . ( otherwise you will find that they've done the lot !! )
   
10. Make sure that your not running round with white powder all over your face ( a dead giveaway ) ..
    

Sad .... Not really , people will get addicted to anything , the gym , gardening , pain killers , TV , anti-depressents , music , alchohol , sunbathing , collecting stamps , solvents , cigarettes , coffee , boats , cars , fishing , fashion , shopping , quizzzes , crosswords , slot machines , horse racing , blackjack etc etc ... anything ... It all the fukin same , just in a different form ..

Although to them it's not addiction ?

Now that's denial ...

If been out with girls who get severly depressed when they haven't been shopping for two weeks ? , retail therapy , healthy addiction .... you tell me ?

Or one time ( at band camp !! , No no no ) .. Yeah fukin one time some ex of mine punched me in the car coz I wouldn't drive her straight home to watch fukin Eastenders ( TV soap ) , now you tell me that's not a mad fukin drug craving ?

For me personally it's Cocaine ..

Actually cocaine is far less depressing than Eastenders but that's another fukin story ...

I'll stop one day , I have a strong enough mind .

But for now , well I get to see shit like you wouldn't believe and have a shit load of fun at the same fukin time !!

Who fukin knows .....

It's all part of the lifestyle ..

It'll kill me though... I know this

Ummm !!