Sooo, I drove J (call girl) around again last. I didn't really want to, but after letting her down twice last week coz I went on a bender I decided to do it, just to shut her up.
I'd already experienced what it was like on a good night for a call girl, now I've experienced what it's like on a bad one. From fukin about at the wheel, to getting sent to the wrong address for a prank, to taking a client to a cash point coz J's credit card reader broke then discovering the guy had no fukin cash after all and having to turf him out of the car, to nearly falling asleep at the wheel at 7 this morning, to gettting so fucked off with J's complete lack of time management skills that it just wasn't funny, to dumping her at her flat at 8 this morning when she had another client waiting ( by this point I was way in the: "Enough is enough for fucks sake I'm going home" Zone!!)
She sat in the car all night doing lines of coke, I didn't partake, didn't see the point really.
Jeez, what a complete bollocks night. Don't think I'll be doing that again for a while
Anyway, on a plus note I managed to re-acquire one of my all time fave small mixing desks for the project studio yesterday. The good 'ole Mackie 32 8bus:
Pair it up with few dbx 266xl compressors, the G5 and the Focusrite Saffire and you're onto a winner. It's been sat in storage gathering dust for a couple of years after we broke down the Ladbrook Grove studio.
Bit of TLC and she'll be good as. All ready for the winter hibernation sessions. Fuck knows where it's all gonna go though?
OK I'm gonna go get some lunch and then me and Bibi are hooking up for a well deserved night in.
Sooo, oh dear me I've been such a dirty stop-out. Went for a label meeting on Wed and only returned last night? Hooked up with Newspaper girl, went back to hers and spent the night mucking around in bed doing silly amounts of coke. She went to work Thursday morning so I hung around her place for a couple of hours then went to the Portobello gold, met up with a few old mates and got royally slaughtered.
I feel really guilty for sleeping with Newspaper girl though. Something about Bibi makes me not wanna sleep around anymore?
I really shouldn't feel bad though as we are, for want of a better word, just dating.
Anyway I've been trying to get hold of an Apple laptop for ages so that I can go do a DJ/live set thing as the label has quite a good underground presence at the mo, and it's a shame that the others are milking it and I'm not...Till now.
Seems newspaper girl has four Apple Titaniums she uses for work and coz she ain't an octopus ( actually after the other night.. I wonder) she's asked me if I want to borrow one.
Obviously I said yes, so I just have to go collect it then I'm gonna be all lap-topped up.
I reckon it'll take me around a month or so to actually put a set together, then I'm hitting the clubs man.
Been years since I DJ'd, considering some of the crap I listened to at Glastonbury I don't think that it'll take too long to get my name up there.
We'll see I guess.
Illegal to smoke in your own car because it's dangerous??? I have never in my whole life heard of anything as fukin ridiculous. Somebody please please round up the PC brigade and shoot the lot of them. What are we; 10years old or something? It's about as dangerous as changing fukin gear, winding a window down or opening your sodding sunroof.
Haven't you realised that human beings are quite capable of muti-tasking yet?
You'll actually cause more accidents from people trying to hide cigarettes as they pass the old Bill?
I smoke, I know what I'm doing, I have no fukin interest in living till I'm so old they wack me in an old fogies hospice; so please...just leave me the fuck alone!
Have you actually noticed the pubs lately... there's more people sat outside then in???
These politicians are all fukin insane!!
Don't hit me back with any fukin anti-smoking shit please... I really just don't wanna know.
Sooo: I did a superb gig Sat night, it was for cancer research in Battersea Park Millennium athletics stadium and was kind of a day of folk type singers with a couple of small unsigned bands thrown in for good measure.
I'd forgotten just what a pain in the arse some ( not all ) new bands can be, especially after working with professionals all summer.
Note to new bands: A sound check is there for one reason and one reason only.
To get your on stage sound right for your gig later on.
It is therefore NOT ( see the big NO in NOT ) a time for you to:
Show the world just how good you and your band think you are?
Trawl through your full set (yawn!!)
Show the world how much of a brilliant Guitarist/drummer/vocalist/recorder/triangle player you've become after five minutes of learning your instrument in your bedroom. (hint: you're not!!)
A time to fuck around for an hour or so, completely screwing up the following bands sound checks??
And...Definitely not a time for you to be telling me that your guitar/bass/violin sound isn't right and can I fix it? Answer: NO... I JUST MAKE YOU LOUDER, THE REST IS UP TO YOU! IT'S YOUR FUKIN BAND YOU KNOW!!!
The mad thing about it was the final act. It was around 9:30pm and the Sun had set. The stadium flood lights had been on for a good hour and the promoter made the venue turn them off while a bunch of people placed candles around the perimeter of the running track.
Then there were a bunch of people talking about cancer research followed by a minutes silence and then ( my fave bit ) This opera singer came on-stage and sang Somewhere over the Rainbow, kinda brought a lump to my throat as I lost both my parents to cancer about 7 years ago. All a bit moving methinks. It really did sound superb as her vocals bounced around the local tower blocks.
Sunday I went to Bibi's house where she threw a superb dinner party for fourteen ( yep fourteen) of her friends.
If the way to a mans heart is through his stomach...
Then this girl is completely fucked!! [read: reverse sarcasm]
She has this habit of bringing people together who are total opposites in every way.
I guess it's that half Italian large gathering of friends and family gene thing going on.
I ain't complaining
We all drank and played poker till the early wee hours of the morn.
I stayed Sun, we hung out yesterday and I stayed again last night.
Sooo: I've just returned home from a most unusual night out and about.
My mate J (call girl) has a driver who basically ferries her from job to job and then waits outside while she entertains her clients, but.. he's out of action at the moment with a virus.
Anyway...cos she was at a loose end and I have a car nowadays I decided to step in and run her around for the evening.
Helping her out you could say?
And then some
Talk about an eye opener
She starts at around 11pm and works till around 4:30 ( it's 5:40am as I write and I've just returned home)
Things I've learned about call girls 101:
Most clients book for an hour, but rarely last more than 25mins
She saw 4 clients tonight and was in and out in 40mins max
Men are fukin dickheads
Her clients pay £350/ hour; that's £1400 for 5 hours work?
Men are total arseholes.
She feeds her clients lines of coke so she rarely has sex per-se. ( you can't really get it on after a few lines of coke)
Call girls totally milk men for all they're worth
Can you blame them.
And...they have no idea of the con
Men can be real dickheads
The richer the client, the more fucked up shit they ask for ( I guess they just become sexually bankrupt after a while? )
I got more of a buzz just knowing that I'm not the stupid fukin mug actually paying for sex.
It's one hell of an earner.
I've actually gone off sex a bit??
Naaa... that's complete bollocks!!
My car now smells like a whores fukin handbag...uggg!
So yeah: We drove around all night from job to job, doing lines of coke and having a right scream-up over the tales of rich wanker bedroom antics. I couldn't even write about some of the shit that goes on; I'd tarnish my blog!
We had a top laugh
J also paid me her usual driver rates; I came home with £300 + petrol money
Not bad for a bit of driving about.
I may just do a bit more driving for her mid-week.
It's kinda worth it just for the crack.
Does that make me a pimp???
Best radio DJ Mobo awards... Tim Westwood. Ha ha ha ha haaa ha ha ha haaa ROFL ROFL ROFL!!!! Are you fukin kidding me, you kiss ass bunch of stupid pussies, you all need to be rounded up and fukin shot!! Vote Westwood... get your records played.
Sooo, I av returne-vous from gay Pareee!! ( Back from Paris )
You know what? It's wrong what we say about Parisians being downright arrogant fuckers...
They're sooo not!
When you actually go and work with them they're nothing but nice to you...period!
The French being total wanker arrogant dick-heads is a complete fabrication on behalf of our beloved tabloid press.
Thanks for that!!
Give em a chance...make up your own mind...you may just be suprised.
Anyway... We arrived via Eurostar Sunday ( or was it Monday? ) and were picked up from the train station and driven to TV land through the streets of gay Paris. TV is a funny old machine, lots of waiting around for fuck all to happen then 40 mins of action in front ( and behind ) of the cameras.
Ok sooo.. we did a rehearsal at around 3:30 which went flawlessly, then sat around waiting for the actual gig to happen.
Doing sound for TV is weird, it kinda works like this: You have your normal live sound set-up which consists of 1 mixing desk for the bands monitors and 1 mixing desk for the FOH ( front of house ) that controls what the audience hears:
Plus there's another mixing desk outside of the TV studio in an OB ( outside broadcast ) van, which is basically an arctic lorry converted into a recording studio where the band are mixed to picture ( the sound that's to be broadcast )
This is where I was living for the day coz I was only really interested in the final production sound for the band: I sooo want the OB van guys job. He basically comes in, mixes 1 band a day for an hour or so and then goes home ( half the time somebody else is mixing the bands for him?) How much does he earn for all that hard work?
A fukin 1000 euros a sodding day????
That's like, a top of the range BMW and a nice apartment in Paris for doing fuck all in a job I could do blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back?
I digress ( again)
OK sooo the band were on-stage at around 8:30 for a six song set, again... a flawless performance; not a note out of fukin place.
Well done that band.
It was nice to be able to actually watch the band on-screen instead of miles away in a FOH tower at some festival.
Afterwards we were driven back into the centre of Paris to our hotel; right in the centre of the red light district.
Haw haw haaaawwww!!
We had a walk around, then went and chilled in a very French bar till around 12am.
Again...the bar-staff were nothing but nice to us.
Parisians are all arrogant wankers? I don't fukin think so!
Yesterday morning it was back on the Eurostar, back to England and back to Bibi's nice warm bed.
All very good.
That was that really, no hassle, no fighting, no tantrums... just TV fun.
And that brings us to the end of a fukin amazing summer of gigs.
What a summer it was too.
We have around five weeks off now to do what the fuck we want and then a few gigs in November to round off the year ( one in Istanbul as well )
I think it's about time I returned to my club to take stock and kick some ass.
They've had a mad summer too by the sounds of it, 1800 people regularly for the whole of the summer season.
Sooo: Fri nights gig was the epitome of what a bad gig should be. Shit gig, shit Belgian crowd, shit sound, band couldn't really be bothered and it all ended up with a band member in-house fight outside the tour-bus.
We left for Belgium via Dover and the Eurostar which, to be honest, was pretty damn quick.
You're on the train for what seems like twenty minutes ( especially as you can watch a film on the tour-bus) then we drove an hour through France to Belgium and to the gig. Very quick, with no standing in queues waiting to board a fukin Plane. We arrived at the gig around 8 pm for a 1 am show and just hung around doing fuck all. I must admit though the on site catering was pretty excellent for a festival and the bizarre thing was that it the VIP area was in a Primary school just off the site, we got to eat in the school hall ( it's been a while) ??
Being Belgium, the people are pretty boring, no drugs, no fit women, no real atmosphere per se, just all a bit well...dull.
We sat on the tour-bus watching films till it was time to sound-check.
The gig was totally shite?
Seemingly there was a World famous Belgian DJ ( complete fukin oxymoron if ever there was one) playing in the other tent so, of course, our stage was dead.. and I mean dead. Don't think anyone's actually heard of us in Belgium?
We got through the gig as best we could, loaded up the tour bus with booze and just got the fuck out.
Such a contrast from last weekend.
Back through Belgium and France to the Early morning Eurostar and home. Talk about blitzing a country in super quick time.
Anyway we're all trying to sleep on the bus and JR ( who's completely pissed ) is acting up. He kept waking me ( and various others ) just as I was nodding off and I knew that as soon as we got close to London I would have to depart the bus, get in my car and then drive home. Not good on no sleep and a bit dangerous to boot. Every time I was woken up I was getting more and more pissed at JR.
I wasn't the only one.
We decided to drop JR off first but...he couldn't even remember the street he lived on?? Not a good look at six in the morning when we're all shattered and basically just need to go to bed without getting fucked about trying to find a phantom street? Especially when we're going out of the way to get him home.
B ( the lead singer ) finally lost the plot big time with JR and they ended up having a splendid fist fight on a grassy knoll in full view of the tour-bus.
Totally JR's fault.
I just sat back and watched the entertainment.
Really not a good look at that time in the morning, in full view of middle class fukin Suburbia?
No one got seriously injured and it all petered out with nothing more than a bruised ego for JR. Poor guy's gonna feel like shit tomorrow. Second time he's been beaten up in two weeks. The other time was by a bunch of 16 year old hoodies after he tried to rugby tackle one of them out of the blue, outside his local pub ( pissed, of course, again??)
Lucky he didn't get stabbed.
So yeah... Not a good look.
Anyway, completely shit gig.
Let's hope Paris, Monday is better.
It's what? 9am and I'm writing to make myself sleepy and then I'm off to bed.
Gonna go see Bibi later on for some good ole TLC ;0)
A superb gig was had by all last night and it more than made up for all the shit that went down last week.
We traveled down to the Isle of white yesterday afternoon and caught the 4 o'clock ferry, docking about 5pm. I must admit I totally prefer ferry's to airplanes, a hell of a lot less stressful, and no fukin stupid waiting in line.
We're off to do a TV show in Paris next monday and we've decided to take the Eurostar instead of flying. We're all sick to death of being treated like fukin cattle... Airports fukin suck!!!
Anyway, we arrived at Bestival at around 6pm and what a superb site it is, easily the best Festival in terms of atmosphere and vibe this year...easily. No back stage catering though, so I didn't really get a chance to eat before the gig?
Anyway, can't complain.
Pic taken from the top of the hill.
Sooo many munted people in fancy dress...top laugh.
We went on stage at around 8pm. We had the whole band this time, sometimes we're missing a vocalist or a trumpet player etc. But this time it was the full mob and it rocked. We got filmed for channel 4 as well. The cameramen ( + camera girl ) were dancing around the mixing desk at one point...Superb!
Digital fukin desk again, but...I'm kinda getting used to them.
So yeah, off stage at 9:20 after two oncours and off to the back stage party where I did a shed load of MDMA and got just completely fukin munted.
I went to watch the Orb play from the side of the stage and found a tent full of mad drunk people so I plotted up for a few hours chatting to some girlies.
We left at 5 this morning to get the early ferry. A ferry at 5am full of people returning home from a festival is like being in an episode of 'One flew over the cuckoos nest' x 1000.
Funny, we had a Chinese promoter guy 'A' with us and It's his first time out of China, you could see him looking around just thinking: 'What the fuck is going on, these people are like, all totally loop soup nuts bonkers??'
Welcome to England 'A'
Check the sunrise from the ferry
Got back to London around 9am and passed out.
I'm up again, but I swear I'm still fukin pissed!!
So yeah, great gig.
We're off to Belgium next Friday and then Paris Monday. All bloody go eh!
I might go see Bibi in a while, we went for a walk with her two dogs on Saturday and ended up walking for about 12 miles? Nice though, we chatted about everything, she's an extremely intelligent girl. She kinda just knows shit about shit!!
Newspaper gwirl is back from Spain as well.
Right... Bed or pub?
Bed or pub? Bed or pub? Bed or pub? Bed or pub? Bed or pub? Bed or pub?
Sooo. I spent another night with Bibi, what can I say, she's kinda gorgeous, we kiss like we're 16 year olds... for hours on end ( literally ) .
She was in the other pub having a drink again and we hooked up.. again.
I have her proper phone number now.
Turns out her dad was one of the best keyboard players in the world ( I kid you not). She pulled out this box of pictures and it's like, Dad playing with Eric Clapton, Dad playing with the Stones, Dad in his Fleetwood Mac period etc.etc.etc.
I connect with this girl cos she lost her parents a couple of years ago and I can feel ( actually I can see ) her pain. I'm not much use to many people, but I totally relate to this girl; maybe I can help?
I sooo Pick em.
Plus she has an unbelievable music collection.
Anyway, I'm taking her to the park tomorrow with her two dogs and we're gonna go for a long long walk.
She's not the one... I think?
Could be wrong?
I do like this girls smell though, it totally turns me on.
Sweedy gwirl has a new man, I'm happy for her. Good luck to him though!
OK Sunday I'm off to Bestival with the band, slightly nervous about it after last weekend, but I'm sure it'll be fine.
Sooo. I was a completely dirty stop out on Wed night, met up with my mate J ( call girl ) and kinda hung out with her for a few hours before she got a call to go do what she does. I left her pad and went to the local which I forgot was shut for a refurb, so I checked out the pub around the corner which, to be honest, I find a little too posh and up it's own arse for my tastes.
Turns out it has a much better beer garden than my local and quite a few of the regular local crowd had had the same idea.
Anyway, I'm chatting to my mate Z who's an African drummer when this girl calls out my name? Can't remember this girl from Adam ( I guess I met her on another of those coke fueled nights out when I can't remember what I'm doing??) She seems nice and we end up chatting all night, then we went back to hers and had a few lines from the small stash my mate J left me with.
Of course one thing led to another and I ended up staying over and having really rather filthy sex till around 3am.
Nice girl, complete fukin whore in the sack though. Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining one bit.
Not often you get a girl that drives you nuts like you were a teenager again.
I can still taste and smell her, always a good sign, feels rather nice.
I should have a shower, but I'm soo not going to.
It'll just wash all the good bits away.
Left hers around 11am to get back to the studio for todays session which worked out pretty well. The guy seems to be on the same page as me musically and I guess well be doing some good tracks in the future... we'll see?
I was supposed to meet with new girl this evening, but ( the daft idiot I am ) took down her number wrongly ( 12 digits instead of 11? ) But I think I can remember the house she lived in so I'll pop a note through her door explaining all.
I don't usually ( as you know) reveal names on this Blog but this girls has the cutest name: Bibi!
I could like, say that name all fukin day. Bibi Bibi Bibi Bibi Bibi Bibi baby!!
Buck Rogers stylee... Lol!
Anyway, newspaper gwirl is in Spain at the moment and I'm kinda missing her ( don't worry, she fucks around, I fuck around. Best way really) But... she's asked me to look after her pad for three days while she gets her new (walk-in, actually...fukin live in) wardrobe installed while she goes to work ( seemingly she doesn't trust builders ) So I guess I get her for three whole days.
Jeez Louise, I seem to be having one of those 'loadsa birds around' periods in my life at the moment. It's right what they say about getting older as a bloke. Once you stop giving a shit and pinning for love, they all just start coming out of the woodwork...Trust me!
And that's that. Not bad for the middle of the week.
Right, It's late and I'm on my second bottle of vino, so I guess it's time for bed.
If you haven't seen Grindhouse, see it, two films in one shown like an old-skool cinema presentation, it really is a testament to good innovative film making. ( no wonder it was a box-office flop... normal people have no taste )
As promised some pics of the gig Sunday. For some reason they all came out shit? Think it may be time for a new camera.
Feeling a little better today apart from the fact that I have a new bank card ( left mine in the back of a taxi the other week ) and for some reason I can't pay my phone bill with it?? Been down to the bank and they say the card is OK, I mean I can use it in the wall and I can buy stuff with it? Dunno... Still won't let me pay my bill?
So what you say?
Well I always pay my bills at the last minute ( better in my account then theirs 'n' all that) But... I've left it too late and the bastards have put me on incoming only? The only other way is to pay at the post office ( three to five days to clear?)
Hmm what to do?
People are just gonna have to call me!
I have some new blood in the studio tomorrow and I had to go use a bloody phone box to confirm with him ( didn't know they actually still existed, but they do, and they work 'n' shit??)
Anyway... I went and bought some new Converse today to replace the lost pair and then cleaned the inside of the car ( for therapeutic value, ) tonight I'm gonna go visit my call-girl mate J for a chat and a glass of vino, she always cheers me up.
Lost it with the band a bit ( actually a lot ) at the weekend.
Not their fault, just me being a complete fukin dick after a not particularly nice incident with a complete fukin idiot of a festival bouncer.
It kinda went like this (as far as I remember.)
OK so I was in a wicked mood after a really great gig, we all kicked ass and then some, the in-house engineer nods at me post gig and says: " Fuck me mate, way cool band!"
We all get pissed out of our minds, as you do when the gig's good. I'm having loads of fun doing what I do best.
It gets to around 2 or 3 am and I've kinda had enough so I go looking for the tour bus. I find what I think is the bus ( I could've been wrong but.. ) and proceed to open the door, it's locked though so I try the other side door...all locked
I'm just about to try the back door when this fukin dickhead of an Irish 6ft6 bouncer literally grabs me and starts having a go about me trying to break into the van. I explain, but this cunts having nothing to do with it. We get into a pretty heated argument " You calling me a liar mate??" etc. etc. etc.
Anyway, this twat starts getting physical with me? He's gets me in a headlock and starts to march me off god knows where. I free myself, but...he grabs me again in a headlock again and marches me off again down a dark alley. Of course I know what's coming, he ain't trying to throw me out or anything, Oh no! Too fukin easy, he ( and his other meat head mate who's now arrived on the scene ) are gonna find a spot away from the main area and kick the crap out of me???
Luckily my mate has clocked all this and he starts shouting at the guy to let me go. He won't of course and in the tussle that follows this bouncer stands on my shoe, pulling it off and then proceeds to kick it into the bushes.
I'm getting fukin angry again just writing about this!!
This all goes on for a few more minutes down a dark pathway, a all the while I'm managing to steer this tosser away from any really dark areas I can see and towards other people for my own safety.
My mate is pleading with this fukin meat head, but there ain't a lot he can do really as his bouncers mate is starting to have a go at him as well??
This...I'm thinking is gonna go horribly fukin pair-shaped any minute now.
I spot a police car and turn this guy towards it. He ( luckily ) spots it too and lets go.
Thank fuck, coz if those two had had there way, I'd be in hospital or worse by now.
I know this for sure.
My mate ( I actually had a go at him at the time, but the guy deserves a medal) then puts me in a cab and I return to the hotel in one fukin hell of a bad mood.
I'm talking a completely off the rails bad mood here?
Richter scale off the rails mood.
I go to bed and sleep.
I wake the next morning and I'm still fukin livid, especially when I realise I don't actually have any shoes to wear for the journey home. Nobody else had a spare pair either.
"I'll just fukin deal with it," I told myself??
Sooo... We all get on the tour bus for the trip home ( I'm still pretty damn pissed off at this point ) I'm telling the story in a hail of foul language when J ( one of the band members ) cracks a joke something along the lines of: "Wouldn't wanna be in your shoes mate!"
Wrong answer mate...
I completely lost the plot at this point
It didn't get violent, but fuck me it was close... Far too close for comfort really!
I couldn't help it... I was wound to the fukin core by the events of the previous night.
Everything came out, and I mean fukin everything.
For the next 30mins I became uber uber rock-n-roll five year old dickhead of the year.
And then some.
It retrospect it was stupid, embarrassing and totally out of order on my behalf. But it's done and I can't change that!
Quite surprised I still have a job if you want the truth. I've had to do some proper apologising today and I'm gonna have to be on my best behavior for some time from now. But, to be honest, that's not such a bad thing. There's been loads of dummy spitting incidents in the band of late (not just by me I might add)
I think it may be time to cool off before we all get a reputation??
For stupid five year old behavior.
So yeah, I had to suffer the embarrassment of traveling through Gatwick airport in just my socks?
Not fun...but doable all the same I guess?
One thing I've learned though: Nobody ( and I mean nobody ) actually looks at your feet??
Silly, silly, silly!
Tonight I'm just gonna crack open a bottle of wine, watch a film, and feel pretty sorry for myself.
Shame, cos I had such a great time apart from that.
Sooo. I've had sort of a mad week. I'm kinda writing at 1am and I have to be out the door at 5am for a 10 o'clock flight from Gatwick ( yes it takes that fukin long to check-in nowadays??)
Yes I went to Nottinghill Carnival but just on the Monday. I spent the Sunday with newspaper girl at her pad in Nottinghill drinking wine in her back garden. Got up around 12 o'clock and then went to join my mates up the road. My mate A was actually letting people use his toilet for £3 ( or two for fiver ) a pop. He made about £1500 + he was selling beers from his front garden.
Tues was a complete right-off.
Wed I went down to the venue and fitted a new sound system outside the bar area so the smokers have something to listen to outside.
Thurs Little Mistress came to see me and we spent a nice day in the pub reminiscing and getting totally arseholed! She left Fri morning after a night of rolling around.
Fri night I stayed in and watched a couple of films ( had a gig but it was canceled )
And that leaves tonight, I'm went to bed around 10am and tried to sleep. I'm up again two hours later...my time clock just ain't having it?
Bit of a mad ole week then.
I'm off to Ireland in the morning for a gig at the Electric picnic should be OK I guess, all the gigs just seem to be rolling into one at the moment. ( not that I'm complaining really. )
I guess pics on Tues.
And that's that really, still alive, still doing my thing. Interesting... But completely useless!