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Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Shreaded tweet!

Soooo: Check the damage to these speaker cones??? ( Sorry bout the blurry pics, I was using my camera phone )

Our sat night DJ/promoter ain't just blown them... He's completely fukin decimated them???

And then some?

I replaced the poor buggers yesterday afternoon and I couldn't actually believe the damage he'd caused coz he refuses to turn the rig down to a sensible level??? Wrong is not a strong enough word. Not only had he blown the cones but the pressure had been so high in the cabinets that the plastic domes protecting the back of the speakers from bass updraft were completely disintegrated as well?

They've been sent off to Martin Audio for analysis. Pretty clear to me really... they're totally fucked!!

I'm a little concerned as I'm off to Istanbul with the band over the weekend, so I won't be there to monitor the DJ and... the new speakers need a period of running in!!

I'm sending my mate D in to cover at the venue with strict instructions to basically batter this guy if he takes the piss.

I really have had enough of him.

Jeez Louise I mean... what do you have to do to get DJ's to keep rigs out of the fukin red???

It's not like, rocket science or anything?

I hate myself for actually doing this, but I've ordered a full-on battle hardened system limiter. I'm really not a fan of these things, I personally think that they colour the sound but I really ain't got a choice. They're not cheap either?

You gotta do what you gotta do though I guess?

The pictures are going on the venue wall of shame... Along with that bloody DJ.

Anyway enough on this subject, it's starting to bore me.

Handy ( I guess ) if you ever get stuck in an F-16

Chomp chomp chomp!!


Monday, October 29, 2007

Rewiring the reviews

Sooo: Pretty uneventful weekend really, club Fri and Sat night was pretty busy, some guy got his head smashed in but, apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary really. The DJ even behaved himself? I suppose after last weeks events he's kinda got the message. Sunday I took myself for Sunday lunch and got pissed up with my mate C down the local and that's about it really.

Oh, nearly forgot, Bibi left me a note and some cash that I'd lent her at the pub ( behind the bar ). It kinda went along the lines of: Sorry for disastrously screwing things up...blah blah blah!!

I sent her a text saying: Got your note thx, still pretty ( read unbelievably ) fucking angry with your stupidity right now... But it helped. You take care care now Bibi x

She replied: Well I'm the one that has to live with it. After all I can't escape being me. Which is kinda shit. x

I didn't reply... I didn't see the point and I didn't wanna end up in some all day text-off where I eventually end up going round to see her, after the other night I've kinda seen enough and in my experience ( with some Australian bird I used to date ) that level of grief gets worse over time, to the point were you spend every fukin day walking on eggshells wondering how you're gonna get out of the relationship with your soul still intact.

I'm still pretty damn angry with her truth be told. Angry and sad at the same time.

Never mind eh!

Onwards and upwards.

Chin up and all that.

I think I'm gonna have to call up Sunday Paper art director gwirl, she's always up for a bit of no strings attached, off our heads, filthy fun?

Tomorrow I'll be at the venue installing the new speaker mids and stripping back the lighting DMX rig and rewiring , it's all gone a bit spaghetti up there after various new installations and I need the rewire to make sense of it all again.

My new hard drive delivery has been delayed till next Monday? Bit annoying cos it said in-stock when I ordered. Not really worth canceling it and going somewhere else, it'll take just take as long. Gonna have to wait I guess. I've shifted my entire Beatles collection ( 1.5gig ) off the system drive so at least I can get a bit of work done.

On a plus note our first compilation album for the label is getting some fantastic reviews. It's album of the week in no less then four pretty prominent music mags. Bit pleased with myself for that, partly because of the fact that I mixed it myself on Ableton live.

If ( just out of interest ) anyone of you has been wondering what ever happened to the new live venue we were building up in Canterbury, well it was abruptly brought to a halt over some council bullshit which I can't really be arsed to go into here. A new building is being sought, but suitable premises for that kind of thing are pretty hard to find, so we'll just have to wait and see?

Close... real close.

Penguin poking??

Common misconceptions


Friday, October 26, 2007

Bye bye Bibi?

This is how my head feels today: More from Cyriaks genius here

I'm in such a bad mood it just ain't funny. Why? Cos I walked out on Bibi last night... for good??

Her ex boyfriend told me a while a go that she was a bit of a nut nut, but...cos I hadn't seen it I just thought that he was trying the old: 'Distant revenge ex pissed off boyfriend' thing.

He wasn't!

OK sooo I was supposed to go see her early last night and I got the "I've decided to go for a drink with my new workmates can I see you later on?" Call.

"Yeah no probs" I said. She's been working hard all week and getting up really early, so I thought a bit of R&R with her new buddies would be good for her.

She calls me at 10:30 and I go around to her place.

I arrive 20mins later and she's a little pissed (drunk ). Not a problem, we all do it. Pot-kettle- black and all that.

But... she's being really funny with me. Really funny?

I ask her about her day and, for no apparent reason, she just launches into this huge fukin having a go at me thing. And I mean huge.

Now I'm not being funny, but I've done nothing but treat this girl like a princess. I've taken her for dinner, we've had long romantic walks, I've walked her dogs, we've had a lot of laughs, lots of sex... Blagh blagh blagh!

Not because I've had to, but...because I've really wanted to.

In other words, I ain't done anything wrong. And believe me I'm more than capable of making things go tits up in spectacular fashion.

In fact I'd say that I'm an ex-world leader on the subject of 'Fucking up relationships in a completely selfish narcissistic spit my dummy out kinda idiotic way' ?

I guess we all are.

But not this time?

Soooo: I'm sat in Bibi's kitchen totally bemused by the events unfolding in front of me.

It was like she really was talking to somebody else about somebody else????

In fact, so fukin bemused that after an hour or so of being physcologically battered down ( without me actually saying anything ) I just clicked, my self defense mechanism kicked in and I thought " Fuck this for a game of soldiers! " I picked up my coat and just walked out never to return again. Ever!

I just don't need it. Period.

Especially after knowing her for just three weeks?

Talk about having your personality ripped apart, chewed up and spat out in your face by the devil herself.

Sad, I really liked her... and her dogs ( which apparently I'm not in the same league as intellectually? )

The scary thing though is that it was exactly as her ex-boyfriend told me it would go down... To the letter?

And to think I told him to: "Mind your own fucking business... for your own fucking good mate!!"

So I'm sad today.

Before you say anything: No, this had nothing to do with coke and no... she wasn't on her period.

I think she'd may have just taken a plain stupidity tablet in Soho whilst out with her advertising buddies?

Interesting turnaround though: On my return from Bibi's ( in a somewhat foul mood ) I called in at the local for a pint of: ' Ye ole question mark regroup and get on with it' Ale, and bumped into my mate C who was drinking with his fit-as-you-like-artist daughter who consoled me with the words: " Good, I can have you now then!" And then tried to stick the lips on me?? Obviously I replied with "Jeez louise J, not in front of your dad for crying out loud!" To which C replied: " Not a problem with me mate, you come pre-approved as far as I'm concerned."


Not as sad now.

I guess.

No... Still sad!


Onwards and upwards

Infinite Oz: Amazing site graphics... Amazing!!

I'm so glad I don't do the 9-5 thing anymore.

Right... I have a club to run ( which apparently is all I ever talk about. Well that, the label, record production, music and just about everything else? )

Sorry and that, but I am what I do?

Better take a crash course in flower pressing, knitting, clothes, shopping and assorted pink stuff next time then eh?


Thursday, October 25, 2007

A heartwarming fox story ( For all to read )

Soooo: It's official, my life has come to a complete standstill due to lack of hard disk space and therefore as a result I've resigned myself to sending Bibi virtual stuff on Facebook and watching episodes of 'Lucy the daughter of the devil' and 'The Bionic woman' ??

Has it really come to this?


The new venue speakers arrive Tuesday. Obviously bugger lugs here will have to fit them. No mean task at 30ft up in the venue roof for someone who suffers from vertigo? I'm not scared of heights, it's just that I get the 'Dizzy as fuck lemming effect' when subjected to them?

What else: Oh yeah, a fukin urban fox has made it his business to use my car roof as it's own personal bloody toilet thus leaving me a nice little present to clean up every morning??

Little bugger...time to invest in an air rifle meethinks. Or... I wonder if 'Silent Roar' works on foxes ?

Reminds me of my first encounter with death when a farmer in the village where I grew up appeared from nowhere as we all gathered around a cute little fox caught up in a barbed wire fence then, as we watched with glee, proceeded to pull out a shotgun and blow the little buggers brains out all over the freshly covered snowy white landscape.

What a superb contrast the snow, the blood and the brains made on that cold, but strangely heart warming, winters morn.

Arrr the memories... the memories!

I digress ( for no apparent reason )

I forgot to mention the 'Health and safety for venues' meeting I had to attend the other day... funny that!

Last "Flight of the Conchords" vid ( before I bore the pants off you all ) : Inner city pressure.

Cocaine economics: It always amazes me a governments reaction to drug use, it's here, there's obviously huge demand, it ain't going away, therefore just legalise and tax it for crying out loud? If some people choose to lead a life of drugs debauchery, it's their life, so just leave them the fuck alone!

Obviously completely bloody mad?

Google moon

Right... cup of tea.


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Space ( or lack of it ) the final frontier.

Sooo: I'm in the house with a load of mixing and other stuff to do for the label, but... I've been completely brought to a halt due to the fact that all my hard drives are full to the brim??

I can't believe that I've actually got just under a terabyte of storage and it's all bloody full?

Gawd knows what we used to do five years ago?

I've ordered a further 500gig drive, but it won't be here until Saturday, so I'm just gonna have to try and crack on with a G5 running on 3 cylinders. I was doing an advert for DJ mag this morning and it literally took 4 hours to do a 10 min job?

Photoshop was sooo slow and kept quiting without saving any sodding preferences, so I would have to restart to free up hard drive space then redo all the preferences and try to do a little bit of work before the program zapped all the available HD space on the startup drive and quit again?


Never mind, once the new drive arrives I'll consolidate all my itunes library ( the real problem at around 80gig on the startup drive ) onto the new drive and free up a load of space.

Till then I'm pretty fucked really!

And... I have stuff to do.

More 'Flight of the Conchords' Albi the racist dragon.

I can't believe the police have shut down OiNK. probably the best place to discover new music on the face of the planet. Can't the BPI and the major record labels get it into their thick heads that sites like these are actually good for the music industry. And... the police really should know better than devoting all their time and resources just to ( supposedly ) make these already stinking rich companies ( mainly rich from ripping off artists ) even richer??? When in doubt: bite the hand that feeds??

Super fast Tertris... This guy needs to get laid.


Never... speed in a time machine.


Monday, October 22, 2007

Babysitting the idiot!!

Soooo: DJ's... Again ( or one in particular ) !

Sat night I'm baby sitting a poorly system in the club, I'm using band monitors to make up for a completely blown mid-range and I've got the limiters ( which I hate using ) on full.

The DJ/promoter ( that blew the rig in the first place ) arrives and I sit him down in the DJ booth for a bit of a talking too. I explain the fact that cos the midrange is blown the amp powering both midrange and tweeters will be feeding all it's power to just the tweeters, so there's absolutely: "No fukin way the rig can be anywhere near the red,'s completely fucked speaker time."

It goes straight over his little ( walnut sized brain ) head?

By the way the rig consists of Martin Audio H3 blackline speakers coupled with S218 bass bins. How he blew these things in the first place is a complete mystery cos they can kick out like 137db peak which is ridiculously loud, especially when you consider the fact that a F22 fighter jet taking off at 50 feet is only 130db???

The night he blew the mids up he must have had it sooo fukin loud that it would have been painful for anyone listening???


Anyway... I'm in and out of the DJ booth all night checking and this fucker is basically turning it down as he watches me cross the stage? I'm getting really really pissed with him at this point.

It's probably got something to do with the blatant lack of respect for the clubs gear?

What a knob!

It gets to 12:30 and I'm feeling kinda hungry so I pop out for a bit of nosh.

20mins later I return and I swear the rig is fukin screaming, and I mean screaming? I make my way onto the stage via the band room so he can't spot me.

Fuck me the limiters aren't just flashing red, they're flat out red.

I lost it.

The guy is like some scrawny little fukin indy kid so I grabbed him by the neck, pulled him from decks and basically pushed his face into the amp rack. I was sooo pissed!!

I'm very rarely a violent person, but this kid was severely taking the piss out of me and it kinda drove me over the edge.

" Listen mate " I screams at him: " What the fuck aren't you understanding here?? Really mate, are you like, fucking dense or something? See these red light " I said pointing at the flat out limiters: " These can never be red again... fukin period, fucking ever! Or I swear I'm gonna punch you out!!!"

I wish this guy wasn't the promoter so I could just bar him from the club.

At this point the fire alarms go off and the whole club shuts down cos some pissed up punter has smashed one of the glass fronted alarm triggers?

Great timing.

Gawd all mighty... what next?

Anyway this was a good thing cos in the down-time I got a couple of extra long XLR leads and connected them from the DJ mixer directly to the stage box, effectively re-routing the DJ through the live mixing desk and through a couple of compressors ( with a long attack time ) to give a little bit of dynamic back to the sound ( Therefore stopping the signal being a total square wave ) and giving myself full control over how loud he could be.

It's was like being at school with a fukin naughty five year old??

Every time he turns it up: I turn it down on the desk.

I couldn't believe I was having to sit at the desk all night babysitting a bloody DJ???

He comes up to me at the end of the night and he's all like: " I'm really sorry I made you lose it."

Me: " I don't want your apologies son, I just want the limiters out of the red? It ain't rocket science, and until you can do it all by yourself: I'm gonna be here every Saturday night screaming at you! And...if the system is in any way ever fucked again coz of you: You're getting the fukin bill! "

I called up the Saturday night tech guy and told him that he ain't working till he learns to do his job properly. I'm gonna give him a couple of weeks off, then let him have a Saturday. But... when he does work I'm gonna put my mate D on the guest list with free booze ( the guys a top sound engineer ) and he's gonna basically spy on the rig and report back for me.

Jeez Louise, never in my life!

I bet that DJ's a single child! No ability to listen, whatsoever?

On a better note, Bibi ( international advertising girl and generally great snog ) started her new job today so I took her dogs for a long walk this afternoon. Top laugh, she has these two chocolate and white Springer Spaniel gun dogs and they're both completely mental. They run about smacking into trees and doing mad dog shit, you just can't tire them out.

I'm thinking that I should of had a dog when I was a kid. I was brought up in this country village and it would have been loads of fun. Guess I'll just have to make up for it now then eh?

Anyway.. I need food.

Identity crisis

Continuing the 'Flight of the Concords ( Conchords mate.. Conchords??) ' theme: Business time... Brilliant. ( more through the week )


Friday, October 19, 2007

A stand-up evening!

A retrospective on life itself ( after a few!) entitled:

Boot, Bongo and piss weak Whisky
( underpinning a three quarter full pint of Stella (( later to be consumed by myself ! )) )

Sooo: I had the easiest nights work I think I've ever had last night.

What should have been the nightmare of mixing a live band on a fucked sound system by actually having to turn the band monitors towards the crowd, thus making up for the huge whole in the mid-range caused by the Saturday nights DJ's inability to hear properly, actually turned out to be a real easy ride.

I got to the venue and the promoter girl says to me: " Oh I forgot to book the band, so we've got a stand up comedian instead"

Thank gawd for that.

I set up one mic.

I've no idea where they found this comedian but he was possibly the worst stand-up I think I've ever seen, real bottom of the barrel shit. Absolutely terrible!

It got to 9:15 and the promoter gets up on the mic and announces: " OK everybody we're all going on a pub crawl if you'd like to come?"

And... Just like that the venue emptied.

Very very strange, very very strange indeed??

So I packed away the mic, the bar people shut the bar, I turned on the house lights and we all sat and got pissed.


Nights like that: Bring em on!

I'm baby sitting the poorly sound system tonight and tomorrow night. I guess I'll get to watch the Rugby Sat night on the big screen though.

I'm not really a rugby fan, but if it looks like England may actually win something: then I'm all for it??

Sunday I'm taking Bibi for Sunday lunch, then we're going for a long walk with the dogs in Richmond park.

Right: I'm hungry so I'm off out for some food.

Daft exam answers
: You've probably seen these before, but I still like them.

Very very cool ( If you look closely I'm sure the pilot downs a bird in the first few frames?)


Flight of the Concords: Foux De Fa Fa ( love it, love the whole show actually )


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Fukin fuck fuckety fukin DJ's

Sooo: No I'm not.. shut up!!


The other night ( in fact on two occasions recently ) I had trouble mixing vocals above a band in the venue. This particular occasion I knew the singer really well and I know that he has a hugely powerful voice?

But it sounded really bad!!

Anyway...I got to the venue tonight determined to get to the root of the problem. Armed with my fave ( venue testing ) music I booted up the main speaker rig and within minutes I was realising my worst ( speaker ) nightmare.

Just to be on the safe side I kicked in the desk oscillator and did a full frequency sweep 30 hz to 18Khz.

In laymans speak: I am a man on a bicycle going up a rather steep hill, the bottom of the hill represents bass, the middle of the hill treble, the top of the hill... high frequency sound.

I digress

Anyway I peddles ( sweeps the oscillator ) to 350hz ( halfway up the hill ) and Mr Bicycle disappears... completely?

He only reappears at 4K ( bit further up the hill, but not quite at the top )???


This means only one thing; While I've been away touring, the guy I hired to stop DJ's basically blowing up the system every night ain't done his job properly.

There's a big pothole where Mr Bike falls of the fukin radar halfway up the sodding hill only to appear somewhere near the top?

Or.... Some fukin Dj has blown up half of my ( extremely expensive ) live band/Dj rig speakers.

Fukin deaf DJ cunts!!!

I have 2 new midrange speakers on order.

At £1000 per fukin unit.

Am I happy... no I'm sodding not!!!

Note to all deaf DJ's... In the red means bad.

It ain't rocket sciences lads... Red light ( same as traffic lights ) means STOP... or it's TOO FUKIN LOUD!!!

I've narrowed it down to one DJ, sat night ( also the promoter ) playing loud as fuck and not caring about the consequences; to my system or the ears of his punters???

He'll care when he gets the fukin bill.

Pissed... Yes, yes I am.

On a positive note, Bibi landed herself a new job.

Now she's like, Bibi international advertising executive.

Earning about 3 times what I earn.

I'm in the wrong fukin game I swear to gawd.

Going to bed


Thursday, October 11, 2007

In Drum Kits

Sooo: Radiohead 'In Rainbows' What do I think?

Well personally I fukin love it but there again I luv anything Radiohead do. It's much more accessible ( Whatever that means, I guess it's insinuating that the rest of the world can't grasp conceptual music? ) than the previous 2 albums, but ( according to the critics ) it's not really a true 'OK computer' return to form. There again ( again) , Radiohead don't do the return to form thing ( i.e. there is no form) and that's what makes them sooo bloody good.

It's kinda like a big fuck you to the music industry and all it's critics. ( read: Failed musicians )

I like shows balls, which in this pathetic PC conformist society it seems to me that sooo many people are severely fukin lacking!

I won't do the track by track analysis ( yawn ) Listen to it yourself, but needless to say I stayed up with it till 6am. Just me, Radiohead, Bibi's two dogs ( she was in bed after a day of doing a 'New media' presentation for some advertising company) and a bottle of red; thoroughly enjoying myself.

Can't say many bands can do that for me anymore??

How much did I pay for it?


Although my download link didn't come till last night so I had to download it from Torrentspy instead???

My U2 obsessed ( to the detriment of all involved (( I fukin hate U2!!)) ) venue manager comes up to me halfway through the albums first playing on a full club system and spurts out: " It ain't no 'Josua Tree' is it mate!!"

Laugh.. I nearly fukin choked!

No idea, no idea whatsofukinever?

Damn it.. I need to get a new ipod.

Sooo yeah, In Rainbows; Fukin love it.

Can't wait for the second lot of tracks on the boxed set.

Update: Hate to say this but... I think that the vocals are mixed a little too quiet in places ???

It's cold outside, but having a studio in my room is keeping me toasty warm ( big up the power amps )

OK.. stuff to do

Bert and Ernie
( being different )

Rowan's Invisible drum kit.... lol


Technorati tags:

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Thou shall not...

Sooo; Just got in from Bibi's, now I have to go to work, no time to write so I'll just leave you with this instead ( thanks Gav) :

Lego Hawking

Lol bike

And... The balloon bowl

Radiohead day tomorrow... Yeah man!!


Sunday, October 07, 2007

Bit sore luv?

Hilarious: I was setting up a couple of mics for the DJ's to use last night not realising that somebody ( namely me?) had left the outside speakers on so everything the mics picked up could be heard out in the street at considerable volume.

Sooo, two hundred people cueing up outside to get into the ( not yet open ) club.

I'm outside having a cigarette.

Barmaid one and two are arranging furniture inside; having a chat.

Barmaid one: Did you take Steve home last night Emm?

Barmaid Two: Yeah but I'm never doing that again.

Barmaid one: Why not he's lovely?

Barmaid Two: He stuck his cock up my bum and it really hurt!!!

Barmaid one: Oh!

Barmaid Two: Yeah, I'm really sore!!

Barmaid one: Anything I can do?

Barmaid Two: No I'll be OK... Don't tell anyone mind you!

Barmaid one: No No I wouldn't dream of it.

Ha!! ... You just told half of fukin London you daft ninny!!

The outside cue was rather quiet at this point.


I didn't tell the barmaids... didn't wanna spoil the fun

Right... Taking Bibi out for Sunday Lunch


Gorden Brown... you're a fukin pussy mate. Stand up and be counted!!!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Bands, clubs, freshers and dead batteries!

Sooo: Haven't really had the time to post this week, I'm in the middle of freshers week ( actually Freshers fortnight nowadays ) doing various gigs at various venues around London.

I think I've seen maybe one good band out of the dozens of Bindis ( read: Bad indie bands ) I've engineered this week. Just another batch of Artic Monkey/Klaxons/American teen Emo band ripoffs to be quite honest.

Where's the originality gone eh?

I'm not gonna go ranting on again about the turning the guitars up too loud on-stage shit, but... it's pissing me off to the point where I'm actually hating any band who brings a Marshall Stack through the door. Never really been a Marshall Stack fan, they're just all noise and no bollocks.

Give me a Mesa Boogie or a Trace Elliot any day of the week.

Actually I'll retract that statement a wee bit: It's not the actual Marshall stack I don't like, it's the sound achieved if it ain't set up properly i.e. Indie kid, gain up full, output up full = Bad fukin noise around 2k-4k (smack bang in the middle of the vocal frequencies your trying to make stand out in a live situation!! )

In layman's terms ( Regarding a small to mid sized venue) : Badly set up Marshall = Nobody hears any vocals, or vocals soooo fukin loud, to compensate for the guitar noise, it actually becomes painful for the audience (And me!)

I ran the club for the first time in months last night as well, the place was so rammed that we were operating a 'one in one out' door policy by 10pm.

I kinda like this coz: A. You can do selective entry ( Sorta like a Studio 54 type affair ) B. Anyone walking past just wants in, so it make the venue look great and C. Everybody buys tickets for the following week which means less cash floating around the place.

I'm going down there tonight for a ( Very rare ) Sat night stint. I'm usually out on the lash Sat night but I'm giving myself a bit of a break at the moment, so therefore I might as well work.

Tomorrow I'm taking Bibi for Sunday dinner, she has an interview for an extremely prestigious advertising ( So she tells me... Personally I think advertising companies are full of wankers being well... Wankers) company Monday morning, so I'm gonna take her out for lunch and make her chill out for the day ahead.

Looking forward to a nice slow Sunday afternoon eating, getting drunk and then sliding further and further down some pub couch as the day wears on... Bliss!

And that's about the size of that really, my car battery is dead today ( getting a new one on Monday) , so it means I have to go to work on the train when I really, really wanna drive and get home quickly after the club.

Expensive little buggers cars, I'm just hoping that it's the battery and not the fukin alternator that's shot?? I haven't changed an alternator in years, should be fun?

Never mind eh...I'll just get pissed after work instead and suffer the cab or night bus ride home.

Human LCD.. just well??

Sex machine, the real story.

Worlds maddest elevators

Totally crap video game endings


Right, cup of tea then off to work...


Monday, October 01, 2007

Rainbow Hair

New studio set-up

Sooo: I managed to assemble my re-claimed studio parts last night and I think it's all looking preeety good.

I took me a while to sort out all the wiring looms ( not plugged in on the above pic )

Better go and make some music now eh??


I told you all my mate T gave me a car the other week but what I failed to tell you was the hair story connected with the above said car.

Yep... My car has a hair story.

A few months ago T was shagging this hairdresser girl who he dumped on account of her being a bit of a nut job.

Anyway... little miss insane-a-tron hairdresser was not too pleased with the 'being dumped' bit and therefore decided that revenge would be a good option?

Not a good look really.

One night she paid T a visit and thought it would be a good idea to ( get this it's fukin great ) fill up his cars ( now my car ) exhaust system with hair extensions???

Yes you did hear right?

Fukin Hair extensions

Black with a silver braid

The thinking behind this doesn't really compute with my little brain, but I'm assuming the logic was:

A. To completely fuck the car up beyond repair


B. To make him die in a fiery flame road death?

Obviously ( or not so obviously) Non of the above worked and T found himself pulling hair extensions out the exhaust back box for the next two months.

We both thought the problem was completely solved until the other morning when I found myself tearing down the motorway with some driver flashing his lights at me in a kinda emergency: "Stop your car mate!!! " kinda way.

I pulled over

This guy runs up to me and he's like, " Mate there's some weird shit coming out of your exhaust??"

I explain... he laughs!

Bloody hell, I guess this girl really packed that shit in

So yeah; some cars spit flames at high speed

Mine spits out fukin hair extensions???

What can you do eh?

What next? You were my 100,000 person! Thanks.

It's coming 10th October... Can't wait, soooo excited!!

How the fuck does a government get shut down?

reverse graffiti