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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Doing stuff!

I'm celebrating my Birthday with Sweedy girl + my router has died a death, so I'll be away for a while!

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Tea and sleaze

Sooo, the club was absolutely heaving again last night, I guess the new sound system and the touched up paint scheme are doing the job. For some reason it was really fukin sleazy in there, the punters were totally on one. Every knook and cranny was filled with some couple virtually eating each other alive? Everywhere!

(Warning...geeky bit!) The bass on the rig was sounding a bit woolly, so I (as an experiment) ran the whole thing in parallel (mono), shifted the crossover up to around 240hz and backed off the limiters so they kicked in at around 110db. Result: The whole fukin club was shaking like a idling F1 car with alzheimer's

Go on my son!!

It was going off in there

It made such a difference

There was this one bloke who was being devoured by these two fit as fuck blondes behind the Dj booth. I saw him walk out with them both later on. Nice breakfast, Lucky fuker!

It's difficult remaining monogamous to your girl when A. You haven't seen her for a month (She's coming to stay on Tues for a couple of days) B. The clubs going wild, and C. you're running a venue full of 20 year old, fit as you like barmaids, who you all know, all get on with and they're all flirting like there's no tomorrow.

It's not even a full moon?

Damn this job

I've been faithfull though

Just about...

Sooo, next week is my Birthday, and ( looking at the old diary) I've gone and done a stupid thing. I've booked myself in to do bands on every bloody night apart from Wednesday?? Guess I wasn't thinking. Doh!

Good news is that I haven't done any drugs for a week or so now, and cos I'm working, I won't have time to do any next week either which is a bonus. I don't do drugs around Sweedy girl, so I'll not be pushing the boat out on my birthday either. I'm sick of being with girls who just know me as a coke whore, it all eventually ends in tears. Having a girl you don't get fucked up with all the time kinda keeps you in check.

I ain't fixed yet though, by a long shot!

Oh fuck...I've just dropped my ipod headphones in my cuppa tea!!


Hold on...


They're mashed

Fuck it! I'll just by a new pair..

I read a superb email from my mate B (who's DJ'ing in China) the other day

"Ying Tong ying tong!

Whats news man?

Off to the great wall today, lets see if i can push it over! "


Right, I'm off to buy some new bloody headphones!


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Nothing to do, all day to do it!

Sooo, that was a complete waste of bloody time. Set off down to the venue, got to the station after battling through the gail force winds and there are no trains running coz of trees falling on the lines? I could get the bus, but I hate travelling on busses through the day in London, you just sit in traffic for hours, same with black cabs.

Trees eh, who'd have thunk it?

I wonder if this global warming shit really is kickin in? The other month I was on a bus that had to stop for five minutes coz of a hail storm, and we're having virtually no winter while some parts of the the States are bloody freezing over.

Actually, looking at the Beeb website, there are people snuffing it here too?

I'm talking about the weather! Has it really come to this? (twiddles thumbs)

I guess i'll just have to go to the venue early tomorrow.


I guess I could go to the pub?

Guess not...not a good idea.


Not in the mood to work in the studio either

What to do?

Guess I'll watch a film

Yep that'll do it


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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Sound gear...

Sooo, I was doing bands till late last night. I'm a bit knackerd. Couple of ( dare I say it)really good indie bands as it turns out, the headliners brought their own engineer who got a shit hot drum sound, so I didn't have to do a lot really apart from rig and de-rig.

Kinda nice when a band brings an engineer that can actually do the job, there are a lot of blaggers out there who haven't a clue about sound, an awful lot.

Yep, so I kicked back last night in the office and ordered a load of new gear for the venue (XLR leads, lighting stuff, DI boxes, mics, the usual shit really)

When we had the venue painted a few weeks ago, one of the painters must have knocked a cable up in the lighting rig and then tried to reconnect it himself, but he's connected the damn thing up wrong, now...half the lights won't work from the DMX controller. So tomorrow little old me has the privilidged job of finding the bloody break and fixing it, which, to be honest, is a bastard of a job. It'll either take me five minutes (if i'm lucky) or the whole day (which will probably be the case) I had a quick look last night, but no joy? Plus, it's absolutely filthy dirty up there, but it's gotta be done.

I'm having today off though which is a bonus.

What else? Oh yeah, the new venue me and my mate S are building is looking good. The lease is all signed, the Council are in their final meetings (residents objections, fire regs etc.) and it's now just up to us to convince them that the sound proofing we're installing is up to spec and then it'll be 'every man on deck' as we set sail in building the thing.

Me and S and an acoustic specialist are due to land there in the next couple of weeks to temporarily install a sound system and find out what's good and what's bad about the venue. Best to do it before the final build as acoustic problems can be a headache and a half to sort out once all the gear is installed.

We we're supposed to do this before Christmas, but non of us had the time, silly season an' all that.

I'm getting quite excited about it all really

Ok, I'm off out to get some food



Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Ooof has been deleted due to the patheticness of it's content

Monday, January 15, 2007

The Anti DUI button

I love this iphone spoof, cheers anon for the link.

Talking of really useful new mobile phone features (take note phone manufacturers of the world, i'm fukin serious about this.)

I want somebody to incorporate into a mobile phone, the (big drum roll) 'Anti DUI button'.

(DUI = Dialing under the influence, but you know that right?)

Sooo, the anti DUI or the ADB button if you will

Confused? I'll explain: Right, you select a group of numbers you commonly ring when you shouldn't but want to keep hold of the numbers (for some apparently strange and mystical reason) i.e. drug dealers, ex girlfriends, co-workers, relatives etc. etc.

Then...when you're about to go to a party or down the pub or you're on the brink of a bender, you just hit the anti DUI button and voila!! It won't let you ring this group of numbers for say 8 hours, just enough to time sobber up, just enough time to be out of the danger zone and just enough time to avoid committing those catastrophicly wonderful fuck ups, therefore; no more guilty "Oh my gawd what the fuck did I do that for last night" moments!

In fact, I would have used it just the other night.

The anti DUI button.

It'll make life that bit easier...

Well my life anyway.

Interesting article from the Beeb about the writers of Lost discussing what to do for the end of the series. That's the problem really, right there in a nutshell. We all 'lost' interest when we realised you lot were just making it all up as it went along. Kinda took the edge off for me as it stumbled along blindly for like, 8 episodes. Give it to me, I'll jazz the sodding thing up!


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Saturday, January 13, 2007

The Superham swimming club

Dear Mr Sainsbury Supermarket person, please can you make my five slices (it says on the packet) of taste the happyjoyness Wiltshire, pepper soaked, bred in an organic 13th-century tithe barn (with a nice waterwheel and some old stuff ) , cured for 3 decades (then cured some more... for a bit) salt free unsmoked and then re-smoked (again) superior feel the freshness supertasty bionic ham that teeny tiny bit thicker, so I don't mistake them for the cellophane wrapping and chuck them in the bin.

It would be nice...Thank you!

The club was sooo rammed last night that the ceiling was dripping in condensation, the floor was like a swimming pool, and a good time was had by all...apart from the staff. Jeez I was glad when we hit the house lights!

I was completely knackered when I got in last night at 5.30 am, but today I have off, so I'm eating my ham sandwich, drinking my cup of tea, them I'm off down the pub to get pissed with the locals.

And that's about the size of that for now


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Thursday, January 11, 2007


They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone...

Sing along now:

They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone, They've gone...

Yep, the Eastern Europeans did a 5 0'clock ( in the morning ) flit last night and they've gone for good. Good fukin riddance to ya is all I can say!

The landlady's going ape shit coz they owe her a years rent (approx £10,000) , but to be honest, she's better having somebody living there who'll pay rent now, than these fuckers who just weren't paying anything.

Cut your losses and move on I say, if it was my flat, I'd have had them out months ago.

They've taken their 3 dodgy motors from the driveway and the place no longer looks like a sodding scrapyard.

I swear the house actually gave me a little smile this morning as I was coming through the front door. It all seems strangely calm on the Western front.


On another plus note, me and my mate C did a blinding track in the studio the other day, it was one of those 'once in a blue moon' anthems that you occasionally write, just when you're not expecting it.

All good

All good indeedy


Wednesday, January 10, 2007


Apple have invented the mobile phone

Err. Am I missing something new here?

Or have Apple!

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Oil blow you up then?

Will the American government ever ever stop blowing people up? The answer is probably a straight forward no!

For fucks sake...

Just a quicky today as I'm in the studio with C, the compilation is nearly finished, so were gonna quickly go over it and then write a new track.

I caught one half of the Eastern Europeans coming out the door this morning as I was going to get some milk from the shop and I'm like: "So I hear you're moving out."

Him (giving me a really puzzled look and pretending not to speak good English): " I not sure "

Me (Speaking very good English) : "Well my friends coming to look at the flat on Sunday mate"

He's not really, but a bit of additional pressure to rid us of these fuckers won't go a miss.

Him: " O "

Me: " Yeah he's got the deposit and wants to move straight in mate"

Him: " I not understand! "

Yeah yeah, you understand perfectly mate, don't give me that shit. I hope these fuckers aren't thinking of making a stand, I just don't need to be living around a moody atmosphere.

Anyway, I think they're getting the message.

For anyone out there thinking 'We'll they do have rights you know Mr Cokehead!'

No they don't, they're staying illegally in our country, and they ain't paying any rent!

Right, I'd better get on , I have work to do

Crazzy fukin coaster!!

Jumping the eye


Monday, January 08, 2007

The Charts are dead...Long live the Charts!

Sooo, we all know ( well at least I do ) that the British Music Charts have been dead for a long time no thanks to the Simon Cowells of this world basically butchering them for there own personal gain, so it was a breath of fresh air to read the other week that all digital downloads are to finally be included.

It's about bloody time is all I can say!

We can expect it all go pear-shaped as more and more older artist release back catalogue, such as a top ten full of beatles songs etc.

No doubt that the majors will kick off as they can no longer fix the charts via their stupid TV talent shows and various bullshit marketing techniques, but only time will tell if this turns out to be a good thing for music?

I stopped following the charts along time ago as it means nothing to me anymore. It had become a benchmark of; 'What's Shite about British music' and unless you had a huge marketing budget, you just weren't going there. The internet had changed it all a bit in the past four or five years, but it was still 80% homogenised (sic) shite that was floating on the surface.

Hopefully (fingers crossed) it's all about to change.

Not thaty I really give a fuck

The British Music charts are dead...long live the British Music Charts!

I think there should be two charts: Shit Music chart...Decent Music chart


Sooo, I'm back in the studio today finishing off our labels first mix compilation. We're on release No. 10 at the moment (each release has had two or three different mixes on it) , so we thought that it was about time to put together a compilation of DJ mixed tracks, so I pulled out the ole Ableton Live programme and I'm playing DJ.

For anyone who hasn't used Ableton ( Err probably all of you!) it's a pretty cool programme for doing live DJ'ing and post production of mix albums etc. Although I still prefer Logic Pro for actual music composition ( no competition really ) I'm even considering buying a laptop and a controller and DJ'ing or taking the band live with the thing.

Who knows? It does seem like I'm throwing away a possible large source of income if I don't though??

So yeah, today I'm in the studio playing DJ all day.

Life sucks eh!

What else? Not a lot really, I can hear the landlady shouting at the Eastern Europeans again ( hope they're not thinking about seriously trying to stay??)

Just fukin do us all a favour and fuck the fuck off will you!!

I'll go downstairs in a minute and lend my support.

Actually I'd better go now...




Saturday, January 06, 2007

And they're off!!

Hoorah the Estern Europeans downstairs are finally being booted out!

No more stolen mail or nicked Christmas presents or them lurking around the house and leaving their shit in the hallway ( It looks like a workshop) , or fixing knackerd old cars and leaving oilslicks in the driveway, or having their dodgy mates leering about, or just them generally being around

I don't like 'em, never did, don't trust em, never will and they're finally being booted out of the house...

Thank fuck for that!

I have to have all my mail sent to the venue, cos it just doesn't turn up at the house??

And...if they ever came up to my flat (to borrow shit etc.) I had to keep them at the door for fear of them seeing the studio and it basically going walkies.

Sooo, it all came to a head this morning when they gave landlady the ole 'Haven't been paid for a month, can't pay the rent' routine again and she finally cracked and lost the plot.

Big time!!

These people are so full of shit it's just not funny.

Ok it all started about a month ago ( well three actually ) when the other Eastern European couple moved out of the flat across the hall and took the keys with them by mistake (or so we were led to believe.)

Anyway cos the landlady has been ill and the locks on the flat were high security, they were never change and the flat has remained empty (Seemingly!)

Sooo, winding back two months I was coming out of my flat at around midday and some guy ("Another Eastern fukin European?? Will she never learn" I thinks!) comes out of the flat opposite. He says (very sheepishly) Hello, I say hello back and thought absolutely nothing of this.

Till... I'm having a chat with the landlady "How you feeling, you look much better love" etc. etc. etc. and I says to her "Who's the new guy"

Her "What new guy?"

Me: " The guy in the flat opposite mine?"

Her (exact words) : "What fucking guy in the flat opposite you?"

Me: "He's been there for like, a month dear"

She storms upstairs (obviously feeling better then are we?) and bangs on the door ( I thought it was gonna come off it's sodding hinges)

No reply

Bang Bang!

No reply


No reply


This guy comes to the door


Him: " I'm blagh blaghs son, they said that I could stay here for a while"

Her: "Oh really, we'll see about that shall we! "

Him: "Speak to them, they'll tell you...!"


Him: " No No, you have to speak..."

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as all fukin [landlady] hell breaks lose.

The pin is out and the granade is ticking I'm afraid.

What happend next?

England 1 Eastern Europe 0

That's what!

The landlady actually grabs this guy (and he's about 16 stone) and fukin ( I kid you not) chucks him down the stairs, she then goes into the flat, and a whole bunch of clothes and shit comes flying out.

He's collecting his shit and she's screeming obseneties ( too rude even for this blog?) at him.

The poor guy is pretty much shitting his pants....

I'm stood in disbelief watching what is unfurling before my eyes.

Squatters rights?

Not a fukin chance mate!

Turns out that when the couple in the flat upstairs had moved out, they had given the keys to the couple downstairs to give to the landlady and they just kept them and moved their son in under cover of darkness.

Unbelievable! And even more unbelievable is the fact that these Eastern European fuckers think that they might have actually pulled this stunt off??

Who the fuck do these people think they are?

Anyways, it turns out that the couple downstairs haven't actually paid any rent for a year?? But... because the landlady had become a bit pally pally with them, they've been allowed to get away with it??

No wonder she wanted more rent from the rest of us!

I'm fucked if I'm supporting these twats downstairs.

But... after this little stunt, she finally saw them for what they are: A bunch of thieving chancer gypsies!!

And it's about bloody time too.

Me and the landlady had a big chat about this and she basically apologised about having a go at me about more rent. Turns out she was just stressed over the Easterns and cos she'd become friends with them, she was having trouble in finding the words to tell them to 'fuck off out the house'.

To be honest, I think that that's the reason she's been ill

Absolutely ridiculous situation if you ask me.

Not any more though!

So the final straw came this morning when they started giving her more excuses about paying up.

She lost the plot with them, and they're out.

Tuff titty!!

These people aren't even supposed to be in this country, and of course any eviction notice will expose them, so they have no choice but to up camp and fuck off!

Bunch of fukin slimy Gypos

Hoorah, I can finally get my post sent to my home address.

And...I don't have to worry about the landlady wanting more money

She's given me a notice to put in the local shop window in a couple of days for her

It reads...

2 Flats for rent...blagh blagh blagh...NO EASTERN EUROPEANS PLEASE!




Wednesday, January 03, 2007


Sooo, ooof I feel sooo fukin hungover today.

I went to see my mate Jo (girl) yesterday: A. I haven't seen her in ages B. She needed her new Mac setting up and C. She's good crack.

Jo's a (fairly) high class call girl, and some of the stories she comes out with make my jaw drop.

She was tellin me that most of her clients only really want her for some company and a cuddle


That's just sad!

Anyways, Jo has managed to aquire (through work) this millionaire sugar daddy type bloke, and boy, this geezer can throw money around like it's fukin water (jealous thoughts!)

Sooo, I gets to Jo's in the afternoon and wade through the boxes of Jimmy Choos, Louis vuitton and other shit stacked high in her front room that this bloke has bought her for Christmas! ( £4500 worth of Jimmy Choos according to her??)

She pulls out a brand spanking Macbook pro he's also bought her and we sit around talking shit, snorting coke and drinking wine all afternoon while I configure her new Mac and transfer all the shit off her old machine.

Sooo, I starts telling her the story about getting my ipod and shit nicked before Christmas and she like, " Hold on!" She trots over to her cupboard, mountaineering over the piles of boxes, pulls out a (still boxed) black ipod nano, and chucks it at me.

" Here, you can have this one" She says


"Have this one, I have a pink one which I like better"

" Are you sure?"

" Yeah, no worries, Whathisface bought me it, and anyway, I don't really like it!"

Fukin result!

Sooo, I have a new ipod.

Nowhere near as big as my stolen one, but an ipod non the less!

Jo fukin rules... With a big sharp pointy fukin stick!

I left Jo's about 8 o'clock last night and staggered home pissed via the local pub.

Woke up this morning with a huge hangover, but it was a top night so I ain't complaining.

On a horse (tis what it says it is)