So , I final took delivery of my new audio interface yesterday and I must say I'm kinda blown away by it ... I got in last night pissed and connected this thing up just thinking " well ya know, just another interface thingy " but , I ran thru it my usual choices of music to evaluate speaker systems with ( now there's a post in itself ... Ummm )
And , Fuck , it sounds like velvet ...
No really , it sounds fukin fat , like professionally fat ... As fuck !!
Fuck me ...
Sorry , I'm listening to Massive Attack " Angel " and you can hear everything ...
And...I mean everything
What's right in the mix , what's wrong , fukin all of it ..
All good , in fact .. all very good !!!
So what was last nights band night like ?
Well apart from the fact I took my digi camera to take some pics , but forgot to put the fukin battery in the damn thing , it was a really good night ..
I was engineering this jazz covers band that I do maybe once or twice a year and these guys are a lot of fun , they did a jazz cover on 50 cent " in da club " which was interesting to say the least , but it really worked , plus all the usual Sinatra , Rat pack , latin jazz and pop tune covers that they tear up and it all equates to a right laugh . Plus the lead singer can really fukin sing !!
These guys get such a great sound on stage that it just makes my job an absolute breeze , I kinda like nights like that and we were finished and out of the venue by 10:30 so it was an easy peezy night ... Not like tonight though , I've got about 8 bands to do in 6 hours for this showcase thing , so I expect I'll be running around like a headless chicken by 6 pm .. O dear , it's all work I suppose !!!
Anyway , I'm gonna go play with my new audio toy thingy .. Tee hee !!
Hoorah , Monday morning again ... Had a nice weekend with little Mistress , one of her mates is going travelling round the world so was having a leaving do on Sat night which I guess was ok I suppose but nothing spesh and I took Little Mistress for Sunday Lunch yesterday and then met up with my mate JR and his girlf' last night and we went down the local boozer and got pissed and chatted about the possibility of setting up a guerilla marketing company for new bands starting off in the music biz. This is something I've been thinking of and also practising for a couple of years now and I think it has potential coz people have been sorta skirting aroung this issue for years, but nobody is actually doing what we have in mind , and , No , I'm not saying anything about the ideas on this blog coz that'll make them available to all .. Sorry !!
So , yeah all in all a pretty normal weekend .
London is still cold and fukin grey and to be honest at the moment all I wanna do is just hibernate till it starts to get warm again but of course I can't coz I have to work ..
So this week is my first really busy week of the year , I've got two band nights back to back ( tonight and tomorrow night ) , then two pretty intense days in the studio and then the club on Friday so it's all go from tonight .. Yippee ( sark !! )
You can expect some band night tales of stupidity in the upcoming week then !!!
Ok , I feel the need for a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea coming on so I'm off to kitchen land to feed ..
Listening to : Richard Ashcroft " Keys to the world " ... Actually this sounds ok this morning but on Friday night we were listening to it while setting up the club and after a unanimous vote " Turn that fukin shite off !!! " it got binned because it was depressing the fuck out of us all , but today it sounds kinda ok .. I wish this kid would write with the Verve again though , I just think the songwriting was on another level then ..
Greed , greed , greed maybe if the majors actually paid the artists in the first place I would have more sympathy with them over digitally distributed music , but I don't , sorry ... I still believe that if you buy a piece of music , it's yours to do what the fuck you want with it .. end of , but , you know why the major labels are all in a tiz about people ripping them off , well , it's because they've been ripping artists off themselves for fukin years ..
The thief will always be more paranoid about receiving a dose of his own medicine than the non-thief because theft is always on his mind ..
Put this statement therefore into the context of a major record label , and then you start to see the bigger picture ..
Also , I just don't get this ? Why do the powers that be insist on spoiling all the fun , I mean like who gave you a " fuck with my life licence " , Ok , it's like this you know , I'm a big boy , I know the risks , I'm not gonna go out stealing to feed a habit , I'm not interfering with anyone elses life , I have a job , I earn money , so it's damn well up to me what I do with my fukin money and if I wanna replace ( or augment ) my after dinner wine with a gram of coke , who the fuck are you to interfere , I mean , really , who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do in my private life when it's not hurting anyone else but myself ... Ooohh !!! authority really pisses me off , big time ...
Leaves us the fuck alone and concentrate on some real crime for a change ...
Ok , I'm gonna elaborate this point a bit with this quote from Sir Ian Blair the Metropolitan Police Commissioner
" People need to think that young men died in estates in North London so that someone else can have a wrap of cocaine "
Ok , fair enough , but , you lot cause these problems because you deem it illegal in the fukin first place , which in turn drives it underground and causes all the shit : yet the shit at the bottom of this post is perfectly fukin legal ... What gives eh !!
Cocaine aint gonna go away , no matter what you do , so just make it legal , tax it , and have done with it ??
Oooh , after dinner fun , it'll be the end of everything as we know it .... Errr yeah , whatever !!
Ok , some club pic fun !!
Note : If you are of a nervous disposition ( or your eating any food... at all !!! ) , I suggest you don't look at these pics for too long !!!
Click any pic to enlarge ... I double dare ya !!!
The set is entittled the " aftershock of Aftershock " ... For anyone who doesn't know what Aftershock is , it's a fukin 'orrible club drink that tastes like alchoholic fukin mouth wash , drives people to do ridiculously stupid things and if you think cocaine is trouble ( Mr old bill please take note ) try some of this shit for size ....
Ok , so an aftershock promotion night ( taken some time ago ) can start off moderately pleasant ...
But... it will soon degrade into this ..
And finally ( after such a pleasant evening ) .... will end up with...this !!!
Ummm ... lovely ..
Note : this is one of the mild sic pics , I'm not even gonna post the bad ones !!!
So running a club can be glamorous ... Think again batman !!!
Soo , Me and Little Mistress went out to a Mexican restaurant last night and then went to the pub and got royally drunk..
We had a nice lie-in this morning then went for breakfast and I've just put her on the train home as she's working tomorrow .
So , what happened at the end of Tues studio session , it was exactly as I'd predicted , it was uncomfortably edgy and the engineer guy was hovering over my shoulder the whole fukin time so in the end I took JR outside for a cigarette break and I'm just like " sorry J mate , I can't work like this , get me all the tracks on cd and I'll take it over to my place and we'll mix it there ."
Anyway , we returned to the studio and I told the engineer what I had said to JR , and of course the engineer starts to make all these excuses about why it needed to be mixed in his studio and not mine and coz it was started here it should be finished here and " It'll be a real pain in the arse to tranfer all the tracks to cd , it'll take me ages " ... And blagh , blagh , blagh , blagh , blagh , blagh , blagh !!!
It was almost as if he knew best and that was about the size of that . Trouble was he wasn't getting the right result , it was sounding mixed but unproduced , in other words fukin lame !!
After about an hour of going round and round in circles I decided enough was enough and totally just put my foot down ..
" Ok , stop , I'm not asking anymore , I'm telling , I want all the tracks laid seperately on a cd and that's it , no excuses , no if's or but's , no nothing: that's what I want and that's what's gonna happen !!! "
He wasn't a happy bunny at all about it , but , so fuck , it's a competitive world out there and I'm not having my mate paying a fortune for a non result .. End of !!
So , I'm waiting for JR to turn up at my place with the cd as I speak/write , then we're going to the pub and we're gonna discuss just exactly what it is HE wants production wise from HIS track and then I'm gonna make him happy ....
And that's about the size of that really ...
Why can't stuff just be easy in life ya know , EASY !!!
Ok , I hear the door bell ringing so I'm outa here ..
" When I was ------------ It was a very good year It was a very good year for blue-blooded girls Of independent means We'd ride in limousines Their chauffeurs would drive When I was ------------ " Frank Sinatra ... " It Was A Very Good Year "
Weyhey , Happy Birthday me ... You've made it this far kid , no turning back now !!!
Ok, Sooo , now that I'm totally in my prime , what to do eh ?
I'll tell you what though it's been one hell of a ride up till this point ..
Ok , there's been like life and death and beautiful women ( no seriously , all of you ) and fast cars and fancy apartments and hit records and travels around the world and tours with bands and drugs and thugs and bugs and good people and fukin awful people and videos and money earned and money squandered and money earned again and squandered againand flying and fishing and racing motorbikes and rally cars and falling off motorbikes and blowing up rally cars and music , yep , and lots and lots of music !!
And it ain't over yet , not by far ...
And am I happy , you know what , the older you get the more sorted you get in your own head about what you really want and the more you stop beating yourself up when you don't quite get it ... And that's all I have to say about that ...
So tonight , little Mistress is taking me out for dinner and then she has taken the day off work tomorrow so we can basically do what the fuck we want , and I know what I want ... Tee hee !!!
Soo , todays session should be interesting to say the least . My mate JR who's putting together this new band has gone into some indie studio in the home counties to record a couple of tracks. The tracks started life as sorta electronic ska drum and bass and because he wants to take the band live he's recruited a drummer instead of a drum machine . So , JR goes to this indie studio with an indie sound engineer and guess what ? The tracks have come out like a sapless half-baked indie band which is not really the sound he wants , it's gotta be half electronic , half indie with a hard edge to it , instead it just sounds like just another lame , lifeless Indie band which are like two a penny in London ( and the rest of England to be honest ) .. Dull !!!
Don't get me wrong , it's a good mix , but , good just won't cut it nowadays . It needs to be fukin Electric !!!
So , this is where I get dragged in coz I've been doing dance tracks for years and I also do plenty of indie bands live so I know both scenes . Trouble is , this engineer also owns the studio and so he'll be hanging around while I do my thing and there's nothing worse then somebody else coming into your enviroment and basically tearing up your mix that you've probably spent hours perfecting and reconstructing it in a way that no matter how good it sounds when it's finished will always sound shit to you , coz you've preprogrammed yourself with that frame of mind before the other guy has even walked thru the fukin door !!!
You essentially want the third party to fail as this will make you look prime and him look bollocks at his job . You know the centuries old male ego dominance shit ... Boring !!!
It's a bit like painting a masterpiece only to find that somefuker else has come along and splashed big splodges of gloop all fukin over it !!!
So today , I'm playing evil mix engineer who's been sent by the mafia to clean up a bit of mess that's been left in the kitchen , " Sorry mate , but, out the fukin way , I know best , your fukin shit !!! " , not a good role really and not a position I like to be in as there's always the chance that if this guy is looking over my shoulder enough I'll lose all concentration and fuck the mix right up . Doesn't happen very often nowadays but it has been known to occur in the past !!
You just have to learn how to keep a cool head in a heated situation ..
So , yeah , Mr Mixfix is the order of the day , not my favorite job but JR's spent a lot of money to not have a product that he's happy with and I like the band and I know what needs to be done so I'll just get on with it and do what I'm best at ..
All fun without the sun ...
Anyway , what else ?
Oh yeah ..
I'm enjoying every minute of this as I sit back and watch the major labels cowering in a corner trying to catch their breath after being slaughtered in the first two rounds by a rookie. Oh dear your about to be KO'd by a computer firm . Shame on you for not seeing that granade coming in from side and lying on the floor for a couple of years .. Ha !!!
This is interesting , I wondered why Iran was being shot down about the nuclear shit . Shot down , more like set up , set up that is for the day they switch from Dollars to Euros for oil pricing , that's gonna get extremely dodgy for the old American economy and it's titanic ( and I use the word literally as in " Sinking ship " ) trade deficit. Ok , Soo , I wouldn't be surprised if were all drawn into another " War of illusion " , just like Iraq was . Oh , did you really think it was about terrorism , nope , think again batman: it was about Saddams sudden change of oil pricing from Dollars to Euros. " Oh no , that won't do , we better go over there and kick his head in and make him change it back " and we did !!! . Wise up Tony , it's not our battle mate !!! but what the fuck would I know , I'm just a cokehead.
Thanks United Press , for actually saying it , like it is !!!
Don't ya just love the black stuff !!
Ok , I'm not being picked up till 6:30 so I'm gonna chill for a while and tidy up the mess that was once my flat ...
Oh , and I've got to take my hat off to the Artic Monkeys , 118,501 copies on the first day all through internet publicity , fukin well done lads and a big fuck you to all the majors !!
It's coming , real music with undoctored sales and no chart fixes ... Top !!!
Sooo , Sat nights gig was a right laugh , the lads played a really nice set and I finished engineering them at about 1am , then somebody gave me a gram of MDMA , whoops , I guess it was all game over after that . We had a boogie till the early hours but I couldn't really see a lot by that point as the world had become a little bit fluffy , the Loose Cannons came over at 4am and did an impromptu Dj set that absolutely kicked ass ...
We left the venue at 6am and got a taxi to my mate L's house , on the way home we got the cab driver to stop at a cashpoint and this old beggar women comes up to me and asks me for some change ( which I gave her ) , she then proceeded to hassle me for more , so I'm like " I've just given you all my change " but she won't stop hassling me , so again , " I've just given you all my change luv , now fuck off !!! " , she then pulls out this brolly and starts thwacking me over the head with the fukin thing , I make a hasty retreat to the taxi with my hands over my head all the time being thwacked by this little old fukin lady and her brolly . L and her mate are pissing themselves laughing at me as I launch myself into the taxi and I'm just like " Fukin drive mate !!! " , he did thank fuck . As I watched the little old lady disappear into the distance from the back window of the cab , I could see her starting on this business guy who was obviously just off to work. The last glimpse I caught as we turned the corner was the contents of his briefcase exploding everywhere as she smashed it with the brolly like some insane swordsman . What a fukin first class nutjob !!
So we gets back to L's house and me , her and her mate have a drinking contest ( whisky ) till we all pass out , gawd knows what time that was .. So , yeah , Sunday was a complete write off .. I woke early this morning and made my way home ... Oooof , I've still got a rotten hangover !!!
Check this , Waterloo bridge ( north end ) 5:05 pm looking towards the South Bank on my way to work , why the fuck would I wanna live anywhere else in the world eh !! Absolutely magic
Click to enlarge !!!
And this on the opposite side of the bridge looking westbound ;
I say again " why the fuck would I wanna live anywhere else in the world "
Both pics , copywrite me.. But you can use em for blogging purposes if you want ..
And , Pete ( this rant has nothing to do with the BBC article , it's just about Pete fukin tong ) What the fuck would you know about anything mate , your a rich middle class twat and the only thing you ever did was pigeon hole anyone who had anything good in the dance music world , along with your twatty mate Phil fukin Howles ( don't care if I've spelt your name wrong ) and fukin London records , you ain't shit mate , you can't DJ and you never could , you were just in the right place at the right time , pilfering off the talent ..
Superstar DJ , I think not , Carl Cox has more talent in his fukin toenail clippings !!!
You know why they say " It's all gone Pete Tong " ? well just think about it mate , it's not a complement you know , it's the whole fukin industry laughing at you .. Doughnut !!!
Like your stupid hiphop mate Tim ( Oh did they shoot me , Ok , that kinda makes me hip ) Westwood. Your both a fukin joke .. There , I've said what everybody's been thinking for years !!
Radio 1 people , your all about as cool as a fukin fried banana !!
Ok , I think I had better go to bed now before I like explode with involuntary regurgitations !!!
OK , let me clarify the above rant before I'm shot down , I signed a deal with this prick and his label in the early nineties , he then proceeded to fuck my career up the arse by holding me in a record deal for four years and not releasing anything I gave them , it's a tactic that was used to up sales by signing the competition and then nailing them to the floor so tight that they can't move and can't release records ( of course the internet changed all of this coz we don't actually need the majors anymore !! ) .. It's what we in the game would technically call a "shits trick " I just happened to be the fuker who was nailed down as my peers sales soared . Am I bitter about it ? Errr slightly . One of my peers now has a mansion in the Home Counties and a garage full of Ferraris and Astons ( He even has a Maclaren F1 , fuker ) at the time I also had a clueless manager who decided to stick his head in the sand as opposed to taking on a Major record label ???
It kinda pisses you off when your playing your new tunes to crowds of 20,000+ and kicking ass only to be told by the label on the Monday morning that " We don't think your music is representative of what's going on , so where not gonna release it "
And even more frustrating when you say " Fuck off " to the majors and start your own label and release under a different name selling 15,000 copies of your first release only to be told by the distributer ( completely out of the blue) that " Sorry mate we can't do business with you any more " In other words , the Major label has found out about your label and put in a cease and desist ( under the table ) call to the distributer ... You lose , do not pass go , do not pick up jack shit and your lucky to not be in jail mate , thanks !!!
And that's only scraping the surface !!!
A little frustrating to say the least ... *?!!??*!??@!!
There , it's off my chest now , I can live happily ever after ...
Nobody ever comments on this fukin blog anymore , it's getting lonely over hear ya know ..
I know your all reading , I can see you in my little stat whore machine , so say fukin hello once in a while ya scabby varmots !!!!
Ok , self pitty moment over ... Roll on the guilty bit .
Sooo , I'm feeling a bit guilty today coz I haven't seen little Mistress for ages and I had to tell her last night that I'm working ( well engineering a band ) Sat night and I don't like her to be just standing around while I'm running about in a venue trying to set up bands etc . The weekend before that she was ill so I didn't see her then either and now she's upset and I feel completely rotten about it all .
Gawd I can be a fuckwit when I wanna be ..
What to do ..
She's coming to see me on Wednesday coz it's my Birthday but I know she wanted to see me this weekend ..
Soo , I'm feeling rotten !!
And so I fukin should .
I ain't touched any drugs for a week or so now , so that makes me feel a bit better but I know tomorrow night it's all gonna go pear shaped as all the lads are gonna be out in Brixton for this gig .
I should get some good pics of/from Brixton as It's always pretty colourful down there ..
Sooo , Tonight I'm off to run the club gain , joy of fukin joys .
London today has blue skys but it looks kinda freezing out there , guess I'll find out in a minute ..
Right I'm off for dinner coz I'm hungry person ..
Came second in the vote on the BoB awards ( I think ) but it's not all about the vote ( cos that would be a bit daft and you could just spend a day running around internet cafes voting for yourself ) , so I'll just have to wait and see ..
Soo , I went to see my mates JR's band rehearsal last night. Pretty impressed really , the sound was tight and there was a lot of energy going on , drummer shit hot , bass player tight as you like , keyboards doing just enough of the mad effect shit and two lead guitars all working together ... All good , fukin loud though , always is in a rehearsal space .
So , they just need to do a few warm up gigs and then off you trott .. The band is a strange mixture of drum and bass but with live drums and rock guitars with stranger than strange lyrics , very different ...
Yep , I'll be more than happy to mix this live , you sorta know within about the first 20 seconds if they have what it takes or not , and they easily do ..
Easily do , that sounds like some village in the Cotswolds or something .... Have a picnic in Easily doo down by the Wiggly Sponge river ... Err Ok mate ... That's enough !!!
So yeah , band , all good !!
Still no bloody news on that audio interface , Arrrgghh !!
I've had about 20 requests for remix parts from different sources , so today I'm at home trying to sort them all out , Ok , these parts go to Canterbury , these to Central London etc. etc. etc .
I'm starting to lose track of it all ..
You can still vote ( Yawn !! ) for that votey blog thing here if you want ..
Right , my mail box keeps going ping ping so I must give it my attention..
This is a mad news item , I mean , just read between the lines , it's well ( Oh just read between the lines , it's fun ) , I had the same problem with a sofa in storage but 30 odd tonnes of statue .. Errhem !!
You Crazy Spanish !!!
And this made me laugh out loud !! What do they call it er ? Oh yeah , Stockholm Syndrome a hamster with fukin Stockholm Syndrome ... Ha ha !!
Sooo , Wed afternoon and my new audio interface still hasn't arrived , don't you hate it when companies lie to you about delivery dates , especially when you've got work to do !!!
I'm getting bored of not working so I've just pulled the old interface out of the wardrobe and replugged it into the studio ... Fuck it , can't take any more time sitting about doing nothing so I'll just have to take second best for today ... Booo !!!
Tonight , I'm going to see my mates band rehearse just outside of London so that I can get a good indication of what their live sound will be like before I take them on the road .. I think we're off to Austria in March for that snowboarding comp so I'm looking forward to that , all will be revealed tonight at rehearsals I expect ..
I'm sorta not keen on going to rehearsal studios with bands as to be honest , a drummer in a small place kicks out one hell of a din ( and I've run out of ear plugs ) , you always come out with your ears ringing , something as a sound engineer you really have to fukin watch coz that shit over the years won't get better , It'll only get worse and then eventually end up as ( gawd forbid ) permanent tinnitus , a lot of my older peers have it , so it worries me ... " WHAT'S THAT YOUR SAYING MATE ? "
I'm back on the detox ( since Sunday ) again , so I actually jumped out of bed this morning ..
What's that about eh ??
Oh and British people , check your mobile phone bills !! I got a new bill this morning and there was this section I've seen before that says Third party services , Ok , I've seen this before and not really taken any notice , I was just thinking that it was for directory enquiries or something , but this month it was £ 90 ? So I rang the mobile provider only to find out that I've subscribed to a free ringtone service ? The thing is that every time they send me a text it cost me £1.50 and get this , I hate fukin ringtones , I find them the most annoying thing on the fukin planet but I did open one I was sent about a year ago ( out of sheer curiosity ) and by doing that I unwittingly signed up for their service ... Twats !!! Out came the old mobile bills for last year and after a bit of maths ( sic ) , I find out that opening that free text has cost me £ 350 ..
Sooo , if you get a free ringtone txt sent to your phone don't fukin open it !!! If you do , send the word STOP immediately back to the origional number or it'll start costing you money ..
You have been warned !!
I did try to contact this company to blow off , but of course you just get put on hold on a premium rate number and I think they've had enough of my money for one year thanks .. Bastards !!
Rip off fukin Britain !!!
Rehearsals don't start till 8pm , so I'm gonna go and do some food shopping as the cupboards are looking a bit bare and I'm hungry person today ..
So , that's about the size of my Wednesday ..
Ok , food shopping ..
Listening to : Radiohead " Hail to the Thief " ... Enough said ..
Oh and you can still vote I'm second at the moment .. Woohoo !!! Not bad for an Infant blog with drug connotations eh. It's actually getting a bit scary the amount of people who actually read this shit nowadays ...
Ha , I found this quote about me the other day and it made me laugh ...
" Weblogs are ideal for cokeheads, what with all the meaningless shouting. This guy is unreadably illiterate, so I only got half a paragraph in and was unable to establish whether he's a Don Simpson or a Daniella Westbrook "
Err , neither mate , you just saw the word coke and assumed you know me ??
Guess you know about one quarter of the people in the Media , Music , Fashion and Finance industries as well then do you ... eh !!
Popular guy , I must come round to one of your parties sometime mate , sounds like an absolute ball ...
Cheese fukin swizzly stick anyone ??
" Gosh did she really put vodka in the punch ? We'll I never , of all the things !! "
You know what ? London is bloody miserable today , it's cold , grey , wet and just plain old 'orrible . I did see the sun for about 10 seconds yesterday morning but I think it like took one look around , decided it was far too cold and then just buggered off again ...
Come back Mr Sun please , all is forgiven .
Soo, what's been happening then ? Well on Sat night I took my mate T out for dinner coz I haven't seen him since he got back from Africa . We go to this English pub that sells Thai food which I love and half way through the meal T announces that he's getting married ? So , Ok , I'm like " T mate , don't you have to have a bird first to be doin all that shit ? " His reply " Yeah I met one in Africa and she moving over and we're getting married but it's Ok coz she's an acountant so she can pay half the mortgage "
Oh dear , Oh dear indeedy , somehow I find his cunning plan sorta fundamentally flawed. I reallydon't have to explain why !!
The thing about T is that he will actually pull this mad stunt off and if he's happy then I'm happy , so I'll just let him get on with it , plus it'll be a good excuse to pull everyone together for a major piss-up !!
So , after I sit back on the chair and remove my Jaw from the floor , we finish the meal and go and check out this new pub that's just opened in West London . We blagg our way into the private members bar which to be honest is saying shit and we play pool till 1am ( I got fukin thrashed by this Irish bird ?? )
I stay the night at T's and his mate CP called around at dinner time so I just got the fuck out. I used to live with this guy and he became a fukin impossible nightmare and I kinda bare a grudge coz some of the shit he pulled ( I'll blog about it one day ) was so out of order that If I think about it my fukin blood boils !!
Funny really , he really does thinks that were all like pally pally still , but , Sorry mate I'm biding my time with you , you'll get what's coming !!
So , yeah , I get out of T's sharpish and go to the pub up the road , bump into a few other mates all doing the hangover nursing thing and spend the rest of the day consuming large jugs of Bloody Mary's ( yum !! ) I stumbled out of the pub around 10'ish and staggered home to bed ..
All good ..
I'm actually doing bugger all today as I can't be bothered to go out in the bloody misery .. I was supposed to be doing a new first aid course for the club but I bailed it , somebody else can stick their fingers down the stupid drunk fukers throats and patch the broken punters up after the random acts of complete stupidity that happen on a Friday night ( I'm sick of it !! ) So instead I'm just gonna cook some food , watch a couple of films and chill out to be honest ..
The mix me and C did last week was accepted by the record label this morning with no request for any changes ( which is another one of the reasons why I stayed in , just in case I had to pull the mix up and tweek it ) So , all good for a Monday ..
Ok , I'm gonna knock up a stir fry coz I'm starved .
Listening to : The Stanton Warriors " Pop your cork " Top tune .
I didn't post yesterday because I was in such a bad mood due to being ripped off royaly by a fukin hairdresser !!!
Ok , soo , on recommendation from a friend I went to this posh hairdressers , all lovely , all trendy, all space cadet dayglo super smashing great , the hairdresser I was going to see was unavailable so they put me with their top stylist . Ok , so , I've decided to go dirty blonde which means I spend 2 fukin hours looking like a spaceman under a kinda machine that looked like it was trying to communicate with Mars and I was the battery , fair enough , I can handle that , Ok , the colour looked alright but nothing to write home about and the cut was not bad but I've certainly had better . So , I'm chatting to the stylist and we talk about music , I tell him what I do etc. etc. all good, all good that is till I get round to paying the bill , get this , it comes too £118 ?? What the fuck is that about , thats like $210 U.S .
Fukin outrageous , I mean I'm like not short of a bob or two but £118 for a haircut is just not fukin on and to be honest with you I was in such a state of shock that I just paid the fukin bill ...
£118 for a bonce snip and a bottle of £2.99 fukin peroxide ???
I must be bloody mad ..
Soo , the more I think about this , the angrier I get , thus the lack of post yesterday ..
I walked out of the hairdressers and went straight to the pub and got pissed drunk just to buffer the pain ..
I felt fukin violated ..
If this was a music industry deal and I felt this way , I'd be back there going ballistic demanding justice , but what can you do , It's a fukin hairdressers ..
Some girl did actually come over to me in the pub and said my hair looked lovely , so maybe I'm missing the point . The question is , I don't want to look lovely , if I wanted to look fukin lovely I would like buy a fukin tiara and wear a dress and fukin makeup and shit ?
So yeah , posh hairdressers; bunch of fukin twats if you ask me !!!
Fukers , I'm still pissed and it's like a day later ..
Good job the club was rammed tonight is all that I can say ..
Plus , ever wondered what a club floor looks like when everybody goes home ?
Try this :
And this :
Vote for me .... I may just buy you a pint sometime !!!
Soo , last nights studio session went well , had to mix without the new audio interface though as it still hasn't fukin arrived , but you can't have everything eh !!
So me and my mate C were remixing this hip-hop commercial band thingy in a Breakbeat styley and it all worked out really easily , I love sessions like that , it all just fit into place really . No hastles , no spanners in the works , no nothing .
So I've just put it in a drop box for the record company and I gues I'll here back later in today whether it's a go or a no ?
We're pleased anyway ..
So today I'm off to get a haircut as it's been a while and I'm starting to look like a shaggy sheep , not a fan of the old hairdresses though coz no matter what you fuckin tell em , they'll always do their own fukin thing !!
I was gonna do a post today on the Brit Awards , but then I thought " You know , what's the fukin point !! " , it's becoming more and more like a showcase of record company expenditure and not a showcase of any real talent you just know who's gonna win before they even start and the awards show itself has become so Americanised ( sic ) that it's just not funny anymore , so I'm just gonna skip that particular awards ceremony cos it's a pile of shite , but I will mention the Breakspoll awards as it's much more relevant to me and what I do ( plus all my mates win the awards ) and it's kinda more fukin real as far as what's actually going on in clubland in this country and we're hopefully gonna get some nominations but I think that the label we run is still too new for any awards this time up ..
Next year though , it's all in place and were about to ride that wave man , like right down to the breakbeat beach of joy ... All good !!
So , yeah , went to meet my mate JR's band last night .. All good , I think it'll be a right laugh going on tour with this lot , bunch of complete nutters and they seem totally up for it .. Oh dear !!
The band is a sorta live drum and bass skank affair with a pretty unique sound and some of the most controversial lyrics that I've heard in a long long time . I totally felt like I was witnessing the birth of something pretty special as the conversation flowed last night ... I'm enthused about it to say the least ..
Funny , as we were driving back from the meet the car ran out of petrol , so JR trots off to find the nearest garage and me and couple of the others lads decide to go a pint in this really dodgy looking pub ( windows black out , the lot ) turns out it's like one of those really scummy strip clubs you find in suburbia , you know the ones where the dancers come around with a glass and you give em like a quid for a dance ... Ha , totally fukin ropey ..
I'm not really into strip clubs , I don't like the look but don't touch shit , but I do find the dodgy old blokes who stare at the girls fukin funny .. I was speaking to the owner and he was telling me that they were gonna close the place down so him and a bunch of his mates all chipped in and bought the building and turned it into this seedy strip venue .. Well done that man !!
So , JR returned with a full petrol can , pulled us all out the pub and off we all went , to another pub , this time full of normal people doing normal stuff .. He dropped me back home at around 11pm and I must admit I was pissed drunk we I got to bed .. So today is a bad hangover day and I've got a studio session starting at five so I'm just like trying to get rid of this fukin headache before we start ... Oooops !!
Anyway , so , new year , new band ..
I can see what's gonna happen in the summer , everyones gonna be touring at the same time and muggins here is gonna by fukin flying back and forwards trying to fit it all in ..
I'm also being hassled to start DJ'ing again from a few different sources as well , I don't know , I may or may not , haven't really made a decision yet .. Umm maybe , maybe not , the money's good though and the groupies come flying in from all sides but it's means like being out all the time and I mean like all the fukin time , for me to return to DJ'ing , it not like a job , It's a fukin lifestyle of clubs , drugs , airports and fukin sleep deprivation .. Not really sure if I can go through all of that shit again . At least when you engineering the bands you have a fairly complex job to do so you tend to stay sobber till after the gig .. When you DJ , you just arrive and hit the fukin bar till you leave ... Ummm , not good !!
Sooo , that was nice , just got a call from one of my mates JR asking me to engineer his band in Austria at some snowboarding comp out there .. Umm , should be a laugh , that's reminds me I must get a new passport sorted , mine is absolutely knackered , it nearly got me stuck Russia ... It's that bad !!
Always nice a phone call like that , I'd woken up feeling really fukin down this morning as well . Guess the January thing and the lack of any sunshine tends to do that .. Plus there's like fuck all happening at the moment , the music biz always has a slow pick up after the Christmas/New year thing , most of the people I work with are still on holiday till next week ( lucky old them eh ! )
I went to meet my mate T on sat night and kinda went off the deepend a bit , so the detox has taken a backseat for a couple of days ... Ooops , still I was never out to break any records.
Haven't got this bloody audio interface yet , so I'm still in limbo . There are so many guitar ideas that I want to record as well , it's driving me fukin mad !! Just called the suppliers , arriving on Thurs seemingly ... Top
So I'm going to go and meet JR tomorrow about the live engineering and also about sorting his mixes out , he's having trouble mixing the live drums for his new demos coz he's never done it before , so I'm gonna suggest that he brings the recordings over to my house and I'll pull them up on the computer and mix them for him here ... It'll kill two birds with one stone as it'll let me get to know his songs before I mix them live on the road .. Cool , a little pet project to have some fun with ..
OK , so today I'm gonna do some food shopping and then cook some food , I'm kinda in the mood for a Spag bol a la me tonight , always a nice bit of comfort food on a bleak mid-winters day and then a DVD is in order I think ...
Lazy days , I guess ...
Bored though , and I've lost my lump of fukin Moroccan black ? I know I put it somewhere safe but I guess I put it somewhere too fukin safe ... Doughnut !!
Right , dope hunt ...
Woohoo , found it , on top of the guitar Fx processor ...
So wadda we have here then ? Ok we have an Eminem rip-off , a Snoop Dog rip-off , a sorta Coldplay crooner emulation thang , a couple of ( same shit different paintjob ) Indie bands , a " Jeff Buckley for the Maroon 5 crowd " ( err whatever ) and a , hold on I've forgotten already ( I'll just check on the site again ) Oh yeah , some bird that sings stuff ( very nicely admitedly) but far to much like Katie Melua/Norah Jones for me thanks , I've already got one of those.
Note the musical innovation , the cutting edge production techniques , the fat mixing , the , the , the other stuff as well ..
Ho hum !!
That list was soo fukin hot that I had to fry an egg on the monitor and throw ice at the mouse from the bedroom door , woah !! , I feel the need to rush out and buy a second ipod as a back up; just in case I leave the first one at home !!
The record companies really are just taking the easy route to sales at the moment , and If I get played one more recently signed James Blunt or Coldplay ripoff then I seriously will fukin scream.
Gives us something new lads , your making me sound like a moaney old git.
I know there's some shit hot bands out there , I've engineered quite a few of them so get your chequebooks out and sign something for the long haul and not just the fast buck please . Not all of us like to eat fukin Mcdonalds all the time ya know !!
My bloody phone hasn't stopped ringing all day , do this , are you coming out ? Have you finished this yet ? etc. etc.
And my new fukin audio interface hasn't arrived ( they've run out of stock till next week ) , the fukers sent all the wiring though , great , a box of wires and a new mic stand ( I can always put on the weekend TV and sing along to one of the numorous shite idol/search for a twat programmes I suppose )
Kinda means I'm in limbo at the moment , It's pointless doing any music when I know I'll have to undo all I've done when the new bits arrive , pointless compromising your own work really .
So , I'll guess I'll be playing guitar all weekend then eh !
My mate T has just got back from Africa and I'm dying to go see him , but that would mean a night of getting plastered down the local pub ( not good on a detox people ) so I'm being a good little boy and staying in on a fukin Friday nightwhen I don't have to work at the club !!
What's that about ?
Oh for fucks sake mate .
Bloody detox , bloody ell !!
Still , all for a good cause .
Yeah right ..
Ok , I'm gonna cook some chicken pasta a la me And then I'm gonna eat it .
Listening to : Curtis Mayfield " Superfly " .... Real fukin music .
Ok , Today I'm excited , I'm taking delivery of a new audio interface for the home studio ..
One of these Focurite Saffire thingy's I wasn't getting the audio quality I'm after with the old interface so I'm afraid it had to be retired and replaced with a shiny shiny new one , the reviews are amazing so I guess it's gotta be this one ... Woohoo !!
Also the BBC are championing what they think is the sound of 2006; see for yourselves
One of the bands : Clap your hands and say yeah ..... Errr no fukin thanks , this to me sounds like your listening to a Smiths song just before the tape gets chewed in the fukin cassette player , Ya know just as it's starting to go all weeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy !!
If this is the sound of 2006 , I'll get my coat thanks ?
Full BBC list to be announced on Friday... Should be good for a laugh..
Give me a job at the BBC , I'll tell ya exactly what's going down with new bands; and it's quite a bit different than your opinion Auntie Beeb ?
And ( don't start with the And shit please !! ) Come off it Pete , In retrospect , I think your deafness may just have been caused by this lot and not your studio headphones mate ???
What were you trying to do, sink a fukin battleship ?
That's not a P.A. it's a weapon of mass destruction ... By the way this P.A's output ( according to an unofficial source , my mate B ) was measured at 120db at 40 meters , Errr that's like fukin ridiculous !!
And finally , note to the British Police : Leave Kate the fuck alone , she hasn't done anything wrong apart from snort a few lines " Ooooo is that illegal or something " , do something useful like arrest some crack dealers or street muggers. If I can sit in a cafe on Portobello Rd and watch them operate , surely you can .. Or is that too much like hard work nowadays for you all ??
Please Mr and Mrs Plod, can you please stop sending me emails like this one :
hey man, i can sell u pure cocaine direct from south america, 5 grams max, iam looking to sell online to a small group of comsumers, spread the word, i snail mail in discret package. PEACE. LS
I'm not stupid thanks ...
Right , I feel the need for a bacon sandwich coming on .
Ok , I'm gonna blog a story coz I'm in the mood today ..
Soo , this story is for anyone who is thinking about booking a package holiday to a Greek Island in the summer. The particular Island in question is Crete the resort Malia ( or fukin Malaria as it came to be known )... It looks ideal in the photos , the camera never lies , No , fair enough but a digital editing package certainly fukin helps . To set the scene , at the time I was braking up with an ex girlfriend who I was living with in West London , it had got to the stage where we just didn't get along any more and I wanted out badly , so I decided to take a months holiday and go off to Malia to see a mate who was DJing for the summer on the island ....
For those of you who don't know about Malia , It's a greek Island resort that has fuck all going for it apart from a British and German holiday nightmare sorta bolted on near the sea , it supposidly has great historical importance which is always nice if you want to look at a pile of rubble with a sign saying Ruins of an Ancient Greek temple thingy with periodic petrified soup bowl and toilet ??
Ummm , of course at the time I knew nothing of this ..
Sooo , I arrive after a four hour flight on a charter plane full of British Pissheads and screaming kids all packed in like fukin grapes in a winepress ... Magic , wonderfull start then eh !!
I land at the airport/roadworks and get in a Taxi with this Greek driver who seemed ok at the time ( this all changed after five minutes into the journey )
" Do you know anywhere I can rent an apartment mate ?" I say
" Yaa , I take , you like "
" Err ok , how much ?"
He then proceeds to quote me a price that is like through the fukin roof , about as much as I'm prepared to pay for a week let alone a fukin night , in fact about the same for a week as my London flat was for the month ...
So , I'm like " No way mate , sorry , just drop me at the tourist information place and I'll find somewhere else "
Him : " You take room , I make call "
Me : " No mate , it's way off the scale that price "
He's making a call and speaking a lot of shit I can't understand here ..
Him : " Room fixed , I drop you there now "
Me : " Hold the fuck on mate , I said I don't want your room mate it's way too expensive "
Him : " Arr you British pigs all the same , I make call already , fix room , you stay "
For fucks sake !!
Me : " No mate , it's too bloody expensive "
Him : " I take , you stay "
So ok , I'm in the middle of fukin nowhere with a mad Greek Taxi driver ( who's starting to look really fukin mean here ) and I get the feeling that I'm taking this room whether I like it or fukin not ??
We arrive and I'm met by his brothers and a fat Greek lady and I start smelling a scam ..
Fuckety fuck ... What to do ?
Ok after about 20 mins of being bullied , cornered , threatened and generally pushed around ( I'm really on the end of my tether here and not far from picking up the metal bar left at the side of the road , taking a swipe and doing a runner: not really a good idea on a small island with a close nit population though) I manage to convice them that I only need the room for one night as I'm traveling on tomorrow morning ..
Fukin hell , and I've only been off the plane for about an hour ...
I leave my rucksak in the ( fukin orrible ) room and decide to explore the resort , great !! , British Pubs , Irish Pubs , Greasy spoon cafes , cheezy nightclubs , shitty pisshead bars .. Fukkin chav central ... Top !!!
This place is a shithole , a 100% shithole , and my mate said it was brilliant , thanks , I'm gonna have words when you arrive in two weeks time mate .
So I find a bar , have a drink and start talking to this English guy who looks a bit clued up ..
" D'ya know were I can score a bit of smoke from mate I could murder a spliff "
Him : " Naa , you won't find any of that stuff on this Island "
Me : " You have got to be fukin kidding me "
Him : " Naa mate , penalties are too great "
For fucks sake !!
So I head back to the room and for some reason I've not taken down the address of the fukin apartment block and they all look the fukin same , so I end up walking up and down and up and fukin down for three hours in a brand new pair of Adidas that are cutting my feet up to the point where there covered in blood ( painfull ) , the only reason I found the room again is because I recognised the metal bar on the floor that I was thinking of wacking the taxi clan with ??
Ok , I go to bed ...
In the morning I go and find another room , the landlady will only let me have it if I pay upfront for the whole month .. Ok , it's cheap and I'm staying for a month so what the fuck .. But it's not quite the hillside sea view apartment I was thinking of ..
I hire a moped after trudging around several hire places " No , I will not leave my passport behind as a deposit thanks !! " and decide to have a drive about , I go ten mile down the coast , vrooooom , Err nothing .. Ok , ten miles down the other side of the coast , vroooom , Errr fuck all , great , guess I'm stuck in Britland hell for a month .. Ouch !!
Oh and I run out of fukin petrol after about a minute , it's supposed to be a full tank and I've paid for a full tank ??
" No ... No .. Petrol gauge not working , tank full , you see "
Note to people who hire mopeds and run out of petrol : Tip the moped on its side , stand it upright again and it will be good for another ten miles or so ... Find a fukin garage !!
I'd been to India the preceeding Christmas and I'm left thinking " What the fuck posessed you to come to this shithole, your a fukin Idiot ?? "
So , I return to the apartment to find that all my stuff has been thrown along the corridor and there's somebody else in my room , What the ??
I find the landlady ( big fat bearded Greek lady ) and go ballistic ..
Me: " What the fuck is going on ? "
Her: " Couple pay better price , so you go now "
Me: " Couple pay fukin what , I've paid for a month , you have my money "
Her: " You go , you not give me money yet "
Me: " Wooh hold the fuck on , I've fukin paid you luv and you know I have "
Her: " You go now ... "
Ok , so this is how you treat the people who pay for everything you fukin own then eh !!
Me : " I'm going fukin nowhere till you give me my money back "
She runs off and returns with her husband and their two sons ( they all have two sons seemingly )
For fucks sake , I just wanted a fukin holiday people , not a full on assault ..
We end up having this huge ruk in the street , the police get called and of course they all know each other so I end up getting evicted from the premises and losing my months rent money ..
Still , I was lucky not to be in the cells , somehow though I got the feeling that this was not the first time the police had been called for this particular party trick ?
By this point I'm starting to hate this fukin place and I'm thinking about just fuking off home , so I go to the tourist information to find out about flights , there all fully booked for the next fortnight so I'm fukin stuck in hell . I ask if they know about any acommodation where I won't get ripped off , they do and it turns out to be just what I'm looking for ( a hillside villa ) , thank fuck .. The girl working there takes me to it and it's fukin lovely , swimming pool , roof terrace ,the works .. I pay the landlady for a week only , with an option for two more .
Finally I can relax ..
Sooo , I leave all my stuff and go for a ride about on the moped , I pass another moped hire place on the way down the hill and look who the owners are ? Mr Greek eviction apartment owning cunt and his two sons .. Ha !!
The following night I go for a walk and accidental borrow one of his mopeds, I then proceed to dump the fukin thing in the sea: Floaty floaty , awww , oh no , sinky sinky !!
Fuck you ya bastards !!
I returned to the apartment feeling very good about myself that night I can tell ya , highlight of the bloody holiday meethinks ..
Ok , So on day four of the holiday I started to feel a bit queezy so I go to bed early , I wake in the middle of the night and projectile vomit across the floor , Ooof , I go back to sleep and wake up half an hour later and do the same thing ? So , I look in the mirror and I've turned a funny shade of green and that's when it all starts . I can't stop myself being sick and I've picked up a lovely batch of the shits as well , this goes on all night and all the next day and the next night and the day after that ( and remember , I'm here by myself , so there's no help ) . Every time I tried to drink water or ate any food it just came back up and after three days of this , I'm starting to get really fukin worried , I've lost about two stone and I'm dangerously dehydrated , I'm as one would say; properly , properly ill !! The third night I spent lying in a pile of sick on the shower floor because I couldn't physically get up to turn the damn thing on ... So day four and I'm in a really bad way here people , I'm still being sick ( well what was left to be sick ) and I'm slipping in and out of conciousness on the bathroom floor , I feel like I've taken some really bad acid coz I'm hallucinating like a motherfucker ... This is bad , like really bad and I'm pretty certain that if I don't do anything right now, I'm gonna die right here on the bathroom floor ... Ok , so , I crawl out of the bathroom , grab the moped keys and crawl out of the apartment , down the stairs and fuck knows how but I manage to hoist myself onto the moped , all the time my body is saying to me " Go on son , just lie down and have a rest will ya " , but that's just not gonna happen though coz I'm in full on survival mode by this point: I'm fucked if I'm gonna draw my last breath on this shithole island thank you very much . Sooo , I start the moped up and just ride , I couldn't even see the fukin road and I damn well nearly hit three or four cars on the way down the hill to the resort , I could remember seeing a doctors on the main drag , but fuck knows where ? I finally spot what looks like a green cross and I just go for it , I didn't even get off the moped , I just rode the fukin thing straight through the surgery door and dumped it ( with myself still onboard ) onto the waiting room floor . The engine was still running and the back wheel still spinning as I passed out and that's all I can remember till I woke up in a hospice with a drip in my arm a day later ..
" Your a very lucky boy " the doctor said , " another couple of hours and you might not have been here "
Great , I wish I hadn't of been here really.
So , I get back to my apartment feeling better but still weak and I'm greeted by my mate T who's come a week early , I'd already sent him the details of where I was staying before I got sick ..
" Fuck me , you look like a fukin refugee mate ? "
I think I lost about two and a half stone ?
" Cheers mate , welcome to fukin hell "
So the next week was a little better and apart from T getting ripped off by every fukin club owner that he DJ'd for , it was moderately tolerable ..
The third week just as I was getting into the swing of things , getting laid every night etc. , D , the girl I'd come here to get away from in the first place turned up as a suprise !!
Fukin suprise alright , but not a good one .
So the rest of the holiday was spent going over the same old fukin arguments again and again. I'd already made my mind up to leave her before I'd even got on the plane , so her arriving there was a just a waste of more of my fukin time to be honest , we hadn't even slept together for eight months , there's no fukin way as a 22yrs old that you can ( or will ) put up with that kinda shit in a relationship , she was one of those use sex as a weapon types , no , not fukin interested babe , go fuck with somebody elses head mate ( and she did , and ended up with a smack head , as a smack head with a smack baby in a smack heads bedsit , Oooops ) . Shame really , she was a stunningly beautiful girl once , but what's the point of that if your never alowed to touch !!
So yeah , Malia , it's hot , it's full of British pissheads and the locals are the nastiest bunch of moody fuckers I've ever met , you wouldn't think that it's us ( the tourists ) who are probably floating that fukin resorts economy , ungratefull fuckers ( If your from Malia and your a nice person my apologies , but I didn't fukin meet you ? )
Holiday from hell , I can safely say that I'm not going to that , or any other Greek Island for that matter on a holiday ever again.
I'm really glad the silly season is out of the bloody way to be honest. New Years Eve was ok I suppose although it's always a bit of a let down , just went round the pubs and got munted really , 1st bar was ok , 2nd bar was shit and the third where we arrived at about 2.30 was absolutely kicking , you know people dancing on the tables and everybody completely off their faces and falling over and stuff , all good. The strike didn't really seem affect anyone , we all just did what we had to do and got on with it .. Soo , conclusion ; New Years , expensive , bit of a laugh but nothing to write home about really , nuff said !!
So this week I'm gonna tie up a few loose ends , buy a new guitar and start doing this remix that was supposed to be done last year ( we just didn't have the time really ) ...
So , what else was accomplished , Oh yeah , I ended a family feud that's been going on for about 6 years since my parents died , yep , I actually picked up the phone and made that call ( coz no fuker else would've done it ?? ) . I was way suprised with the results and got a much better reception than I was anticipating . I guess time is a great healer eh !
Stupid feud really , all over bloody religion , the family are Catholics ( or were , I think the're into some born again shit nowadays ? ) So , my family are/were Catholics and my parents were both Humanists so as executer of the Will I was the one who had to announce that my Mother wasn't getting a Catholic funeral after all ( it wasn't what she wanted )..
" But ... But she converted on her death bed so she did " , they said !!
Yeah right ... Fuck off she did !!
Oh bugger !!
Many bridges were burnt , fuses ignited and heads rolled over that one I can tell ya , she got what she wanted , But fuck did I suffer , it was the start of my three year tumble into drugs hell !! Not pleasant , not pleasant at all .. Bloody families , you can't pick em can you .
So anyway , a couple of nights ago I made the call and it seems to have worked out ok for the moment , we'll give em all a little time to think it through tho ?
Oooof , that was a little morbid for the first post of the year wasn't it ?
I'm gonna blog a couple of stories this week if I have the time , coz I aint done it for ages and it really is about that time again .. So watch this space ..
Oh and I'm also about to start the annual Jan detox ... That means , no drink and no drugs till probably mid Feb , although it is my birthday towards the end of the month so we'll see ..
Last year was funny ( well not really ) , I lasted till mid Feb and then for some reason just went on this bender like the world was about to end , totally fukin stupid really and I can safely say that I have never in my life had as bad a hangover as was suffered after that shit , I didn't get out of bed for a day and a half , I couldn't !!!
Ok , I need some comfort food so I'm gonna make a sausage casserole al la me and stuff my face with it ...