Fish eye, in the sky!!

Soo, Sat... Woohoo!!

The club was shit last night. For some reason everybody decided to stay in on this bank holiday weekend, so the place was absolutely threadbare. The night just dragged and dragged and for the first time in a long time I actually found myself clock watching?

Totally bored

as fuck!!

Ok, soo today my mate A is coming over and were gonna have a little jam in the house, I haven't had a guitar jam for ages, I was getting withdraw symptoms and A has agreed to come over and thrash it out with me... Woohoo!

A is a bad heavy metal player...Bad as a bad ass bad thing!!

Note to the neighbours: Sorry but tough ( the house is detached so I don't think they hear anything anyway, the landlady's away and Dave always sits in for the rush, so all good!!)

I've arranged to take beautiful blonde thing out either mid-week or next weekend, but I'm still deciding where to take her, I'm thinking about the London eye...I've never been on it and I think it might be a nice place for a date, then of course dinner and a pint after.. I'll keep you all posted, plus any suggestions for good date stuff to do in London would be appreciated: as long as it doesn't involve clubs or drugs or live music...thanks!!

Funny: I was buying some fish yesterday at the fishmongers and there was this cheeky little kid ( about 8 yrs) who was going round the fish on display and systematically poking all their eyes out with his finger. It sounds bad, but it was sooo fukin funny, he'd like, look around to see if anyone was looking and when he thought they weren't, he walk up to a (dead) fish and go ping!! and poke his fingers in it's eye then run away.. Cute as!!

Lol!!

Ok, I need to take a shower before A gets here.

Oh no!! Wayne Rooney's just been stretchered of the pitch in the Man U vs Chelsea game??

That'll help our World cup chances...Not!!

Oh fuck!!

Laters.

He shoots, he scores!!

Sooo, I managed to get that world cup tune mix thing out of the way.

Woohoo ceased, closed, compassed, completed, concluded, consummated, decided, discharged, dispatched, disposed of, done, done for, done with, effected, effectuated, elaborated, ended, entire, executed, final, finalized, fulfilled, lapsed, over, perfected, performed, realized, resolved, satisfied, settled, sewed up, shut, stopped, terminated, tied up, worked out, wound up, wrapped up, x-terminated, yanked, yobbed off, zoned, zilched... Thanks!!

Oh gawd, what have I done!!

Actually it sounded pretty good in the end, not at all cheezy and unlike that Embrace piece of shit ( which by the way has effectively put an end to their career with all the too cool for skool Indy kids!) yeah unlike that Embrace tune...It's actually about, wait for it, wait for it...fukin FOOTBALL!!

Woohoo there's a concept eh!!

Note to Embrace: Football tunes about football? I know it's a difficult concept to grasp but if you'd sat down and thought about it for five minutes, I'm sure even you would have worked it out lads.

What's that about eh?

Funny, we did this tune a couple of days ago and it has this huge monster bassline in it (as big as a house) I kept on switching Logic between the two mixes and that's why I was getting in such a tiz about it the other night. It was kind of on the one hand you have this huge breakbeat bassline tune , but on the other is this plain cheeze piece of shit football mix..

So I very nearly trashed it.

But...after much sawing and glueing and banging of nails and heads, I eventually managed to eradicate the cheddar elements and arrive at a pretty happening tune, so I think I've gotten away with it..

For now!!

I've sent it off to the all seeing all powerfull people on the top rung and I just need a mix confirmation and then I'm free haaaa ha ha haaaa ha haa (evil laugh) haaaa!!!

Haaa!!

Right, I'm gonna cook some food, Sausage Casserole a la me I'm thinking.

Listening to: Prince '3121', after 4 months of this album , I still can't make my mind up on it..
On the one hand you've got 'Te Amo Corazon' an outstandingly beautiful tune, but on the other there's some fukin horrid RnB rip-offs. It really hits the bottom for me with 'Incence and candles' which uses an Autotune effect on the fukin vocal which I absolute hate.

For those of you that don't know what Autotune is, it's a programme which can put vocals (or anything else for that matter) in tune, but if you push the parameters to the extreme you can get it to sound like a wank vocoder (think robot voice). The effect was first used on Cher's 'Believe' and then adopted by the RnB and 2step community and used on just about every fukin song going for nearly 4 years, It's got so fukin over used that it makes me wanna just throw the fuck up every time I hear it and for Prince to be experimenting with it on this album shows the guy is way out of touch, the leader has become the follower... Sad, real sad!!

Oh well, nevermind.

Right, food to cook.

Laters

Bugger!!

Sooo, I've gone and got myself involved in a World Cup tune, trouble is, I really couldn't give a fuck about the World Cup, or this tune for that matter..

I'm sure I'll get in the spirit of things when it kicks off in the summer, but for the moment, I really don't give a toss.

Ok..so what if this tune breaks, the money would be great?

Fuck the money, it's useless if your kudos and self respect and peer respect has been flung in the back of a novelty football net!!

Eg: Say the producer of Badiel and Skinner ( Three lions on yer shirt or whateverthefuck ) walked into my studio and I was introduced to him, would I have an ounce of respect for this guy? Fuck no!!

Hmm!!

I'm staring, one eye on the file folder and one eye on the waste bin..

I'm just not into the idea, I've already told the party responsible that I'm not interested, but it's a bit more complex than that. He wants to do it and has already said yes, and the other parties are worth buttering coz they run festivals and shit, but I just fukin don't want it to do well. I feel like I'm being pushed into a corner... Not good.

If it blows up, It'll cause more fukin damage than it's worth.

If I do a crap job (which is what I'm thinking), it'll cause more fukin damage than it's worth.

If I knock it, it'll cause more fukin damage than it's worth.

Hard drive failure anyone?

Imagine always being known as the guy who wrote that football tune??

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Anyway I started this project today and it's sounding good, almost too good ( for what it is )

But damn it, I wanna bin it badly..

Even if I don't put my name to it, other people get excited for you and the shit spreads your involvement like margarine on a bonfire..

Perpetually hanging from the noose of a novelty fucking football tune..

I'm better than that!!

Much better!

Of course if England win the World cup it'll be another story, but if they fail it's double wammy time at the alter of doom, a big fat novelty tune that's always gonna be associated with England's World cup failure..

No fukin thanks!!

The phrase " You'll never work in this town again," springs to mind..

Soo, I'm actually writing this down so I can get a full grasp of the situation and, what I write, I can regurgetate while defending my corner later on..

Tossy bollocks toss..

I've never sold out in this industry, so why fukin start now..

Right, waste bin.

Oh wait, hang on..

That'll just cause more problems.

Fuckety fuck..

Fuck it!!

I'll keep you posted..

On a more positive note, I've just done a couple of blinding remixes for the label.

Bollocks!!

Fuck it.

Laters

Logical links

Just in case anyone's interested, this is what I get to look at every day in the studio...Pretty pretty.

Click image to see what the fuck's going on (Go on then, get on with it!), it's a big pic so you can zoom right in if you feel like it, you may not give a toss, but at least I've given you the option: which is more than can be said for some fukin people eh!!


Anyway, It's called Logic Pro and it's easily the most advanced music production platform on the face of the planet.. It truely rocks like only a big rock thing can!!

And don't come at me with the Cubase or Protools or Cakwalk (sic) are better shit, coz they just fukin ain't...OK!!

The saying goes: If you can't make a record on Logic Pro: you can't make a record...Period!!

I have a client in the studio today, so I guess it'll be a long one...

Ok and, what is it with this blowing each other up shit?? I mean really, what the fuck's up with that. Can't you like, sit down and have a chat and a cup of tea or something or even have a good old fashioned punch up..It's just daft...Stop it!! Once you've blown all your enemies up, what you gonna do then eh!! Hmm!!

Barhumbug. Stupid people on a stupid fukin planet???

This is a Badass machine though: Wanty wanty!!

Also Lara Croft has aquired a magnetic grappler.. Ho hum!! But, after completing every Tomb Raider game so far, I have decided that enough of my life has already been spent with Little Miss Croft and so I'm giving the magnetic grappler a miss... Thanks!! (well actually I could just... NO!!!)

Finally: This story is just soo fukin bad..

The BBC won't show the film in it's entirety, but I managed to track it down.

Warning: It's pretty damn sick!! .. Link

Disgusting...nuff said!!

Laters

Clamping the clampers!!

Sooo, last nights gig was wicked, it may have been Bluegrass but it was packed with loads of fit women.. Top!!

Anyway...This morning, totally fukin hillarious..

I awoke to a load of commotion outside the house so I stumbled out of bed and went for a gander..

The following events take place between 9 AM and 11 AM.. (Jack Bauer accent anyone!)

Outside in the front garden stands the landlady, Dave the bloke from the flat downstairs , two policemen, one official from the council and a council bailiff, all having this huge fukin ruk in the driveway..

Seemingly at around 9'oclock this morning the bailiff had arived and put a clamp on my landlady's car coz she hasn't paid her council tax or something (they're total cunts in London for shit like this!! ). At the same time Dave ( who's a contractor ) has returned from a job, seen the Bailiff clamping my landlady's car, jumped out of his van and because the bailiff's car is parked on our drive, has grabbed his own wheelclamp from his van (he uses it coz his van is full of expensive electrical goods) and clamped the bailiffs car for illegally parking on our driveway.

Clamping the clamper!!

Fukin hillarious..

Soo, it turns out that the landlady owes £400 council tax and Dave has told the clamper that there's a £500 release fee ( he's well within his rights here I might add) to release the bailiffs car for being illegally parked.

I say again, fukin hillarious..

The Bailiff calls his council official and the Police. Dave sits on the front step drinking tea and taking the piss. You wouldn't mess with Dave, he's built like a brick shithouse door and is ex Special Forces.

The police arrive, the council official arrives and my landlady has woken up at this point and is in the front garden standing in just her dressing gown..

A big scream up ensues!!

I arrive to Dave shouting at the bailiff that there's "No fucking way that clamps coming off till you remove your fucking clamp mate, no fuckin way, I'll wait here all weekend if I have to!!"

There's fuck all the police can do (coz it's a domestic matter) and they know this..

Anyway to cut a long story, after much shouting and screaming and drinking of tea (by Dave and me on the front steps) the council official decides that this can be resolved if we all " Remove the wheelclamps and end this stupidity!! "

But...Dave won't budge till the landlady has a written note from the official saying that her council tax dept has been written off and that his clamping fee has been satisfied ( dept for dept )

More shouting takes place..

There's a crowd starting to appear as well.

In the end to save face (and before the local Papers arrive)... The official agrees, the clamps are removed and we all go home..

For a nice cup of tea!!

Fukin top..

Dave's the man!!

We need more people like this in London to stop these fukin legal council thief's taking the piss!!

What with council tax and parking fines and speed cameras and congestion charging and all that other shit they force on us...

So today Dave, you are the man!!

And, excellent to see a broadcaster finally getting with the plan 'Stan' , nice one Disney your execs have brains and balls.

Right, I'm off for a pint..

Laters.

Happy Birthday Madge...

Happy Birthday Queenie... 80yrs and still going strong eh!!


And can I have that fiver back you borrowed at Bingo?

It's been a while now kidda..

Right, fuck!! I'm late for work..

Laters..

Barrel of laughs?

I love this picture (thieft from the BBC.. ha haaa!!), it reminds me of being a kiddy wink..


I can imagine myself throwing a tantrum in the back of the car at my parents for smoking with all the windows rolled up.. ( See, I was addicted to tobacco way before I ever picked up a cigarette? Thanks mam & dad!!)

Sooo, I'm having a day off today after a hectic day in the studio yesterday, got a lot done though..

Tomorrow I'm doing the first of this season's band nights (the clubs being left in the hands of Santa's Little helper), it's some Bluegrass affair which should be a right laugh, all banjo's and shit. Gotta love the twingy twangy stuff.. I guess it'll be fun though..

Anyway, today I'm gonna do some foody shop stuff and stock the cupboards. Soo many parties this weekend, but I'm gonna try and be good and stay in, coz well I just don't fancy it that's all..

Funny time of the year really, not warm but not cold but still fukin grey, so not really the best time to party, plus I guess the vast majority of people are skint after the easter break..

So yeah, I'm just gonna rest up and do zilch!!

I absolutely love this... It's a proper nostalgia trip..

Finally, I gotta link this, coz from a sound engineers perspective (and probably anyone else's perspective for that matter) it is truly hilarious!!

Jeez louise, I've just read that oil has hit $74 dollars a barrel , fuck me!! The implications of this are kinda huge.. Expect the American Gov murder machine to [try and] invade Iran anytime soon folks ( I predict that they'll use Israel to do the dirty work as well, you just watch ).. Oh dear, you may as well enjoy trundling about in your SUV's all you can people coz I predict that in 5/10 years time ( maybe a lot sooner) it'll be like trying to fill the tank with liquid platinum at the pumps.. Your gonna need to be rich to take that 2min journey to the shops: so start fukin saving!!

The Rusky perspective

I think Bush is missing the haydays of 1968 and wants his very own worldwide American flag burning contest!! Trouble is Mr Bush: President Nixon had Apollo VIII to save the day, you have err, fuck all mate!

But what would I know, I'm just a cokehead?

Laters.

Oh we do like to be beside the seaside!! (Bd Part3.)

(Click any photos to enlarge, but you already know this right?)

The Grand hotel Brighton. Bombed by the IRA in 1984 and then rebuilt..
And a view of the Palace Pier
And from the Pier
Another Palace Pier view
And the ghostly looking Grade II listed West Pier which stands in ruins after two fires.
(seemingly rumour has it that the second fire was started by the owners of the Palace Pier after it was given a grant to be rebuilt by the national lottery? sshhh!! )

Sooo, Brighton was a lot of fun yesterday, we started by going for a pint (obviously!!) then we went and had fish n chips and a pot of tea (when in Rome eh!!), then a walk along the seafront, then onto the Pier and onto the amusments for a (slightly longer than anybody would have hoped for thanks!!) ride on the Waltzer, then we all staggered off the Pier feeling pretty queezy and sorta zig-zagged up and down the beach for a while till we came-around again and then went and finished the day in another pub before coming home at about 9'oclock last night. I fell into bed absolutely knackered. There really is something about sea air that just completely wipes you out!!

View of the sea from the Waltzer (before all the zoomy spinny shit started!!)
Useless information alert: Did you know right (some fairground pikey type told me this years ago) That the seats on a waltzer are angled slightly back so that all your change gets sucked out of your pockets never to be seen again? ( but collected by the attendants later on).. You have been warned!!

And my mate T, tying the knot... Brighton Stylee!!


Soo, yeah a top day out was had by all..

"So come on then Mr Cokehead, tell us about this girl for fuck's sake?"

Well , she was none of the things I had predicted (which is a good thing really) , In fact she was A. stunning B. totally a beautiful person and C. like fukin properly ouch!! Needless to say, there will be a part 4 when she returns from Portugal in just over two weeks time..

Ummm..

Right, I have a couple of meetings, sooo

Out the door I go..

Flight 93 transcripts

Err...really??

Laters.

Blind date part 2 (by the seaside)

Sooo, as you can probably guess from the last post, I went out on the razzle last night..

Ok. so I decided to take a rain check on the boat party thang, I didn't wanna go and to top it all off my mate T invited C along as well ( the guy I used to share a flat with, who turned out to be the flatmate from hell) so that kinda made my mind up for me..

But, am I getting out of the blind date thing...Am I fuck!!

T has just bought himself a new car, so tomorrow I'm being kidnapped for a day out in Brighton along with his new girlfriend and, you've guessed it, Little Miss blonde blinddate..

I suppose worse things can happen at sea so what the fuck, I might as well go and get it over with!!

You never know, It might be nice..

I knew I should have gotten a haircut!

Little Mistress text'd me last night and said she was missing me?

I haven't replied...yet.

Ok in the news today, this shit on Bit torrent and bandwidth usage. I had to change my ISP last year coz it restricted my bandwidth and blocked some of my TCP/IP ports ( that was the carphone warehouse ISP by the way, don't even bother with it.) . The last straw came when I received a letter telling me to 'cease and desists' or be kicked because I was blocking the network on a certain ( listed) day. After a bit of research I found out that on that day I was actually downloading 5Gig worth of files for a mix I was doing and because I'm always sending huge music files to studios and clients over the web, I had no option but to ditch and switch. I tried to explain this to them but It just fell on deaf ears so I switched to Bulldog. If your British, I highly recommend this service it is A: Cheap. B: Totally unrestricted and C: Super dooper fast as fuck!!

I think that as it's going to be all video-on-demand with multiple internet streams with huge bit torrent mesh networks in a couple of years, it really is time that the ISP's stopped whinging and started gearing up for the future. I was on my mates BT broadband line the other day and it was like using fukin dial-up. A snail could've chewed the IP packets faster. Totally unexceptable!!

ISP's: We must stop all of this bandwith hogging cos it's clogging up the network blagh blagh blagh blagh blagh!!

My reply : Duh!! That's what broadband's supposed to be for you doughnuts! Oh I'm sorry, was it meant to be fast so that I can view a Flash site in real time? I think fukin not!!

Quote of the day:"Our bunny is magical, majestic even", Lindt's managers say, "and we will protect it."

Lol, lifes's too short?

Finaly... Thanks Firefox for the update? Now it crashes every 2 mins and is virtually unusable, well done lads?

Yummy! Sunday dinner time..

Oh and I have the new Doctor Who to watch as well.

Cool!

Laters..

Ooops!!

Sooo, I've decided...Me and the Queen hang out a lot. Everytime I bang a line of coke or go and see the man, she's right with me, staring from the backside of a twenty pound note, spying and smiling like she knows exactly what's goin down...Bless her cotten socks!!

But...When I awake she's gone, she has left the building with the man...

Beeyatch!!

So I guess, me and Queenie have a thing goin on!!

Who'd of thunk it eh...Me and her majesty, on the razzle!!

Oh dear!!

Now excuse me while I go and get high!!

Tee hee..

Later.

Blind date on the bling boat.

Soo, Friday.. I'm not gonna go to the club tonight till later on tonight, so I'm just stopping for a break before I drag my arse out the door.

I guess it's the bank holiday weekend so it's likely to be fukin mobbed. To be honest I'm really not in the mood to deal with it all, I'd rather stay indoors and watch couple of DVD's but duty calls eh!!

So what's up this weekend? Well I'm being forced into going on this blind date on a river cruise down the Thames. Trouble is, I really don't wanna go.

Why? A number of reasons really. I'll list them for what it's worth .

1. I think it's an RnB party. My mate T is heavily into his black RnB chicks, he's terrible, he'll make an RnB track, woo the singer with his 'I'm a record producer' speil, get a deal with the track, shag the talent and then wonder why the whole record deal implodes in his face!! Never shag the talent mate...ever!! So yes, there's a high probability it's gonna be an RnB party. I've asked him and he's not sure but I've got this niggling feeling it is. After a bit of research there's like 8 or 9 parties on Thames boats in central London this Sunday and half of them are RnB, the rest are a couple of weddings, a mexican thing and a Northern soul party. It's not that I don't like RnB it has it's moments, it's just that I hate the scene. I really can't stand all the Bling Bling attitude shit, it's just sooo fukin false, pretentious and I find it about as much fun as watching cockroaches evolve.. I really, really don't fit in with this crowd, I don't dress like them, I don't talk like them, I don't hang with them. I just stand out like a sore thumb and people around sense this shit so it makes conversation difficult and I guess it makes me feel uncomfortable. So why pay to feel uncomfortable? Plus if the RnB crowd find out what you do, some of them will come over and start singing and rapping and shit. It's fukin embarrassing... Just don't ok!!
   
2. Ok, sooo this girl is supposed to be extremely beautiful, she's like blone , petite, body to die for etc. etc. etc. ( everybody is telling me this) but, this to me just spells fukin trouble!! I know, call me mad but... really beautiful women are, high maintenance, self centred, expensive, never fukin on time, take all day to get fukin ready and are usually shit in bed. Give me the girl next door any day of the week. I guess I've never met this girl so I'm making assumptions but I'd hate to proved right and then have to spend 8 hours on a fukin boat that I can't get off, twiddling my thumbs and just being plain miserable!!
3. If she's an RnB girl then I'm just not fukin interested, period. There's a chance she's not, but also a chance she probably is..
4. I'm really not sure if I wanna date again yet, which doesn't help matters really.
   
5. I'm being forced into it coz my mate and his girlfriend think I'm being sad and miserable. I'm actually not, but they're presuming that I don't like being a bachelor...They're wrong!!
   

Soo that's that , there's always the chance that I could have the time of my life, which is usually what happens when I go somewhere I don't wanna go and I could always stand on deck and take some pretty picture of London if it all goes pair shaped, so I suppose what's the harm really!! Oh I don't fukin know? What to do..

Ok, I suppose I better get ready and go and do some work eh!!

Actually I may just stay in and let santa's little helper do some work for a change..

Decisions decisions!!

Oh, before I forget, I managed to track down those flight 93 transcripts, so If anyone's interested, I'll post them. It makes for some scary reading I'll can tell ya.

Ok

Laters.

Hacioldskool

Ok, have you every wondered before if some of the great male romantic poets: could have in fact been... female?

No? Join the club, me neither really!!

I digress

I'm being proper lazy this week. I guess I'm calling it my Easter Hols, but fuck do I need the rest. So I'm taking some time off.

A pretty easy day in the studio tomorrow and then the club friday.

I'll pull up some mixes and finish them though. Soo even when I'm not working I'm still working...

Hmm!!

Listening to: The Hacienda Classics

Oooo mate, this Cd takes me back. 3cd's of absolute classics from what was (supposedly) one of the most influential clubs in the world. I went to the Hacienda in 1993 (showing my age now eh) and thought it was a fukin horrible place, it was full of scummy gangsters trying to sell pills and generally putting a downer on everything!! Nope, as far as I'm concerned there were much better clubs going on at the time such as Wigan Pier, Club Havana Middlesbrough, Spectrum London and The Sub Club in Glasgow to name a few. The Hacienda stole the limelight for some fukin reason though?

I can remember leaving the Hacienda at about 1am in a real hurry with three of my mates after a particularly nasty ruk in the toilets when a couple of scummy Mancs tried to tax us for all our drugs, clothes (yeah clothes??) and cash..

Did they get anything? Yeah, a couple of sore fukin heads after being bashed off the cistern and the very aesthetically pleasing (especially with the added red hue) faucet...Ha!!!

That'll teach ya!!

We only went there for a fukin dance as well...Twats!!

Great CD though, whoever compiled it actually knew what the fuck they were doing. Which kinda makes a change. I've listened to a lot of seemingly "Oldskool Classic" Cd's before and they are neither Classic nor Oldskool? This one is bang on the money though.

This is a good list of Classic Oldskool dance tracks I have a track in the Golden years 1992 section( obviously the best year eh!!) , so it's just gotta be fukin right!!!

The Hacienda from the outside ©Aidan O'Rourke 1999 ( used without kind permission. I did try to get in touch but your site seeems to have disappeared mate? So I hope you don't mind.)


Yep listening to this took me back (Way Back!!) To the hedonistic days of touring the rave scene, doing stupid amounts of pills and speed and basically just going absolutely looney tunes up and down the country for five years. Do I miss it? Fukin damn right I do!!

Ha!!

Woohoo!!

Also... sign me up please!

Laters.

Great Britishness.

Sooo, Happy Birthday to the union flag ( 400yrs) or the butchers appron as some people like to call it (Errhem!!).


And (No!!) Before anyone has a go, it's only called the union jack when it's flown from a ship, so there, I know these things!!

Okey dokey, I'm fairly sick and tired of people moaning about the how bad shit has become in our great country. Sooo I'm gonna put you all straight with this post...Ok!

Sooo, for all the moaning fukin minnies out there (and there's a lot of you, me included!!)

London Cokeheads top reasons why it's the fukin best thing in the world to be British...

Hear we go..

1. It's a beautiful place. No really it is, we have hills and valleys and lakes and coasts and mountains and green shit (loads and loads of green shit!! ) We have national parks and city parks and park parks with more green shit and woodlands and cute little harbours and castles (surrounded by green shit) and pretty towns and villages and medieval churches and easily the best Gothic Cathedrals in the world (Durham, Canterbury, Salisbury, Winchester, Lincoln, Wells etc. etc. etc. ) And some rather fine stone circly things and monuments and even more green shit, and, and do I really need to go on??
2. The Royal family...I like the Queen, she reminds me of my mother!! Don't moan about the Royal family, ever; coz at least we fukin have one!!
3. History. We have more history than you can shake a big shitty stick at. In fact: It goes all the way back to like, even before history began and shit (again, I know these things!)
4. We (unlike some other places in the world) can (within moral reason) do what the fuck we like, when we like!! Without kerfews (but with rotten spelling), without marshal law, without dress codes or people shooting at us, or kidnapping us, or stoning us or locking us up for saying what we wanna say and all that other great shit we can do!!
5. The olde corner shoppe.
6. The NHS. Ok soo we all have a go at the NHS, but you really can't moan can you coz (apart from presciption costs but even that's fukin subsidised, so we can for this exercise ignore that cost) it's totally fukin free. Right, say you break your leg, it's fixed for free!! Your appendix explode, fixed for free! You drink too much and have to have your stomach pumped, fixed for free! You need a bit of rehab...free (Umm!!) My old man even had a brand new heart put in, all for free... The NHS is shit, fuck off is it, it's fukin great!!
   
7. Big amounts of green stuff!!
8. We're respected by the rest off the world, and then some. The only other passport that can command the same amount of respect as ours is the Swiss one. I would have include the American one in this group, but your president's kinda fucked that up for you, sorry!!
   
9. We are the financial hub of the world (I said hub and not 'most solvent' , so don't start). If we go down, the lot goes down, end of!!
10. We get looked after. If by any chance you ever lose your job or your way in life, you will never ever starve, although I see more and more immigrants taking the complete piss out of this system, but it's always had my back, so what do I care!!
11. We invented everything. Even the stuff we didn't invent, we invented!!!
    
12. Green stuff..
13. Monty Python.
14. Aintree, Wembley (If they ever fukin finish it), Wimbledon, Ascot, Silverstone, Twickenham etc. etc. etc. Not that I've ever been to any of them, but they're bound to be brilliant anyway coz they're British alright!!
    
15. Language. Everybody uses English, and if you don't, well your just fukin backward!!
    
16. Pink floyd, The Who, The Stones, The Jam, The Police, The Clash, Radiohead, The Smiths, The Beatles etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. All produced by this teeny tiny bit of land.
    
17. I could go on and on and on about poets and musicians and writers and all manner of other brilliant shit this little Island has and has produced, but I think I've said enough, don't you?

Gawd help anybody who tries to take that away from us.

I'll be there, bashing away at you with my teapot, rolling pin and my Tim Henman signature fukin tennis racket till the very end: I kid you not!!

Sooo, the next time you wanna have a go at being British (me included and I will no doubt at sometime on these very pages), shut the fuck up, coz we've never had it sooo good as we do on our little Island of joy.. If you don't like being here and you can't respect our culture (you know who you are) then... Go fuck yourselves!!

So there, and that's that!!

I rest my case.

And wave my little union flag..

Laters.

Youth club casserole

My gawd, Hippos in a hand basket, the weekend was a little bit heavy I'm thinking!!

The lack of posts last week was due to the lack of time, busy, busy, what to do!

Soo, I met up with my mate P on Sat afternoon and we hit the pubs in West London. I ran to see the man at about 6'oclock and funny really, it was like a who's who of people in the music bizz? I was there for over an hour chatting to various people about music, production, what's new, what's not, blagh blagh!!

I think my drug dealer is running a fukin youth club!!

I completely forgot about P and had to apologize when I finally returned to the boozer? He was ok though, he'd pulled some girly and hadn't realised I'd been away for so long anyway! All good.

Me and P drank till like 1'0clock, P then made his excuses and sorta crawled out the boozer door??

I went clubbing, woohoo!!

I bumped into a gorgeous mate of mine J, we had dance and then decided to fuck off back to her place. Funny really, when you leave a club with a girl like J the look of absolute envy on some peoples faces (coz your taking her home and not them) is fukin magic. Love it!!

Soo yeah, went back to J's and snorted coke till like 12 the next morning... Ooops!!

I had real trouble keeping my hands off J to be honest, but I really like our friendship and she kinda goes through blokes like they're some incurable virus and she has to try and fix them all before the world finally implodes.

So I decided best not eh!!

J went to bed..

I went home...via the pub?

Oh deary me indeedy.

Mine's a problem!!

I ended up staying in the pub like all fukin day.

It kinda became my office for the day as various mates came and went. Most of them suffering from the night before as well, so I guess a trippy day was had by all..

My mate T arrived at 6 with his new girly and then proceded to try and set me up on a blind date with his girls best mate. Very petite, very hot, very blonde seemingly..

Very out of here mate...sorry!!

As far as first impressions go, it wouldn't have been a good one. So I ran away...full pelt!!

I'll have a go next weekend though thanks..

I think I got a cab home after that?

Funny really, I didn't have a hangover this morning? Or a brain for that matter!!

Ooof!!

Soo, Benny scale of fuckedness = Enough to be going on with really!!

Right, I'm off out to buy some food.

Sausage casserole a la me tonight I'm thinking...Yum!!

For anyone who's interested..(OMG he's blogging a recipe, he's finally lost the plot. What the fuck is that about??)

OK...

Make some gravy (or chicken stock), put it in a big pan on the stove, add sausages, leeks, carrots, onions and some chopped rosemary, and then simmer it for about an hour..

Don't fry the sausages first.

Don't put it in the oven... Simmer it!!

Mash some (new) potatoes and serve together..

Easy peezy.

Stuff your face.

Double yum!!

Ok and... The hypocracy of this fukin stinks!!

Also...Some people have far too much spare time on their hands.. Thank for the link B (your still a twat though.. lol)

Laters..

Tagged??

Oh dear, I've been tagged by the Lord of Doom, guess I'd better do it!!

Bit gay this one , I guess it does no harm,sooooo here goes!!

1. Body soap?

Non (no seriously, it can give me eczema) girls have told me I have baby soft skin too

2. Face wash?

Simple

3. Shampoo?

V05

4. Moisturizer?

Nivea or Simple

5. Cologne/Perfume?

Polo Ralph Lauren ( sometimes)

6. Deodorant/Anti-perspirant?

Whatever I stumble across first, usually rightguard.

7. Toothpaste?

Bioforce (Dentaforce toothpaste)

8. Mouthwash?

Listerine ( sometimes)

9. Razor?

Some turbo gillette plus thing ( razors with turbos? I dunno, WTF!!)

10. Shaving cream?

Noxzema ( expensive, but the best)

11. Aftershave?

I prefer the Neuman face lift to aftershave (fill a bowl with freezing cold water, then just stick your head in it, fukin wonderful!!)

12. Missed anything?

Slap moisteriser (Eng) on when your still wet and I never ever towel dry, coz your just removing your natural oils ain't you...

Can I go now please, I feel sooo fukin gay after that!!

Major decision.

Soo, what's new? We'll not a lot really, just working my ass off as per usual. Did a couple of bands last night ( which I'd completely forgotten about!) They were, for want of a better word, shite! So so many shit bands about at the moment on the up and coming new band circuit. There really is like a fukin dozen Artic Monkey copy cats springing up. The 'pretending you have a Northern Accent thing on stage' is really pissing me off, tossers..

Funny really, it always amazes me how when one band becomes semi-successful, just how many copy-cat bands then follow suit?

Attack of the fukin clones, right hear in la la land!!

Note to all new bands: Get your fukin own sound...Please!!

Stuck fo inspiration? This might just help.

Ok, soo today I have a real easy day. I'm off down to the West End to drop some tunes at a management company so they can send them to the film bods in L.A. and then on to the venue to re-wire shit up in the lighting rig and then I have to do some geezers party where he wants a monitor and a mic setting up on stage. Eazy peezy stuff. I don't care though, I still get paid for it?

The sun is shining outside, so I think I'll take my time and walk across London, I'll probably stop off in Soho for coffee and watch the freakshow before wandering off to the venue.

All good.

This is a nice story, but I just can't help wondering why, after doing all the work, this girl decided to sign to a major record label basically giving away 95% ( yep you read that right!) of her fukin future income??

If she knew how to play the game, she could've charged say £1/visitor/online gig, raised £100,000 or £200,000 from a couple of gigs, contacted itunes, placed some we'll researched adds in the right magazines, then sat back and watched as the money rolls in..

But no, she signed to a major label who will basically do the same thing, add a bit of radio play, put a couple of albums out and drop her when they get bored taking 95% of her money for the privilege.

Then in five/ten years time as she's signing on the dole, she'll go "Hold the fuck on here, where did all that money go?"

I'll tell you where dear, your record company spent it all for you, they're good at that, it's what they do. Sooo, just consider one thing when they take you out to that fancy restaurant with ten other employees and break open the expensive champagne to celebrate your future success, YOUR THE ONE WHOSE FUCKING PAYING FOR IT!!!

I guess we still live in a world where we think that signing your life away to these bastards is the way to go???

It's the old carrot and donkey thing. As Don King once said ( which is losely applicable to this situation) " If you owe somebody who is broke £100,000 and you put say £5000 cash in their hand with the option to take the cash or wait for the £100,000, they will always take the cash."

I guess she'll still get a huge pay-off from some publishing company, so it's not all bad eh!!

Right, I suppose I better get my shit together.

Out the door,

Laters.

Card swallowing mare!!

Soo... Monday again, had a bit of a washed out weekend due to a cash-card dilemma on Sat afternoon?

So got to the old ATM, put my card in and recieved a 'Service not available from your Bank' statement. Sooo tried my other bank card... Same fukin thing ??

Went across the road to another bank, the fukin machine swallowed my first card??? So I went to use another bank further down the street to try the second card and got the message' card not readable', same thing in another two machines???

I don't have a credit card coz I think they're a blatent rip-off, therefore little old me was left in the house with no fukin money and no chance of access to any either... For fucks sake!!

So thanks Mr First bank for doing whatever it was you did to my cards!!

Yep, I had to miss my mate J's leaving do on Sunday ( he's off to live in Berlin ) and just stay in with no fukin food in the cupboards. Couldn't even take myself for a pint?

Kind of a welcome detox really, but the lack of food pissed me right off..

Anyway, been to the bank this morning, sorted it all out (no decent explaination though) but at least I have money again and a new set of cards are on their way...

Bloody banks eh!!

Soo I'm just writing as I'm having a dinner break with B in the studio.

Fairly busy week this week, studio today, Wed, Thurs, club Fri and tomorrow a day of stuff sorting, so busy, but not too busy..

Anyway, must go duty calls.

Laters.