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Friday, September 21, 2007

The great patheticness of man vs sex!!

I've gotta write this up before I sleep.

Sooo: I've just returned home from a most unusual night out and about.

My mate J (call girl) has a driver who basically ferries her from job to job and then waits outside while she entertains her clients, but.. he's out of action at the moment with a virus.

Anyway...cos she was at a loose end and I have a car nowadays I decided to step in and run her around for the evening.

Helping her out you could say?

Interesting

And then some

Talk about an eye opener

She starts at around 11pm and works till around 4:30 ( it's 5:40am as I write and I've just returned home)

Sooo...

Things I've learned about call girls 101:

  1. Most clients book for an hour, but rarely last more than 25mins
  2. She saw 4 clients tonight and was in and out in 40mins max
  3. Men are fukin dickheads
  4. Her clients pay £350/ hour; that's £1400 for 5 hours work?
  5. Men are total arseholes.
  6. She feeds her clients lines of coke so she rarely has sex per-se. ( you can't really get it on after a few lines of coke)
  7. Call girls totally milk men for all they're worth
  8. Can you blame them.
  9. And...they have no idea of the con
  10. Men can be real dickheads
  11. The richer the client, the more fucked up shit they ask for ( I guess they just become sexually bankrupt after a while? )
  12. I got more of a buzz just knowing that I'm not the stupid fukin mug actually paying for sex.
  13. It's one hell of an earner.
  14. I've actually gone off sex a bit??
  15. Naaa... that's complete bollocks!!
  16. My car now smells like a whores fukin handbag...uggg!
So yeah: We drove around all night from job to job, doing lines of coke and having a right scream-up over the tales of rich wanker bedroom antics. I couldn't even write about some of the shit that goes on; I'd tarnish my blog!

We had a top laugh

J also paid me her usual driver rates; I came home with £300 + petrol money

Not bad for a bit of driving about.

I may just do a bit more driving for her mid-week.

It's kinda worth it just for the crack.

Does that make me a pimp???

Hmmm!

Alrighty.

Anyway

Best radio DJ Mobo awards... Tim Westwood. Ha ha ha ha haaa ha ha ha haaa ROFL ROFL ROFL!!!! Are you fukin kidding me, you kiss ass bunch of stupid pussies, you all need to be rounded up and fukin shot!! Vote Westwood... get your records played.

Cuddly thing???

Bendy bubble girl ( if she gets stuck just give her a quick nudge!)

Ha ha ha ha ha Britney ha Rofl!!!

Leave her alone you muthafuckers!!!

Thanks firefly, you truly rock for this xx



Right..bed!

laters

12 Comments:

Blogger Lippy said...

I'm pretty sure that living off immoral earnings is still an offence,although I haven't done any criminal law since law school and god was a boy back then.
But you were just "security" for a lady with many gentlemen friends were you not?

8:45 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Living off immoral earnings... lol

What is it illegal or something?

Like indoor smoking and doing 35mph in a 30 limit at 3am?

Ask the next judge you see where he spends his disposable income Lippy dear.

12:02 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Sorry, must just add

Lawyer..immoral earnings.

?

No offense intended

12:07 pm  
Blogger Jay Cam said...

lol u made wat...60 an hour drivin a call girl around? sounds good!

sucks that your cars smells though!
spill some beer on the floor that might make it smell better!

:)

12:55 pm  
Blogger Lippy said...

No offense taken

And as for silly laws - you have to take that up with the people who make them. That's nothing to do with lawyers we just have to try to work with what the law makers intend.

Although - I'm off to have a shout at the law makers next week - doubt they will listen to sense but I will try.

1:36 pm  
Blogger Nobody Girl said...

You're not going to share what messed up stuff the clients requested? Spoilsport!

3:08 pm  
Anonymous hostage said...

i could watch that bubble woman thing for hours, infact I think I just did.

10:07 pm  
Blogger Chick said...

What a life you're leading.

I'd get hung up on the rank smell of whore juice in my car...sorry, but I would...& I'd worry about my friend getting dicked while she was trying to dick her clients out of their $$$ too.

But it does make for some great stories.

11:25 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

lol

4:18 pm  
Blogger Butchie The Minx said...

Hookers & coke. Awesome.

5:12 am  
Anonymous MuthaFunky said...

Lol @ the evening's shenanigans. Seen a similar thing to the bubblegirl, although it involved throwing George Bush around and hurting him in as many ways possible...

Not entirely sure which one is more pleasureable there...?

12:37 am  
Blogger roxyfoxy said...

And what may i ask does a whores handbag smells of ? cause mine smells of wonga HA! dick juice LOL Mwah...

10:47 pm  

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