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Saturday, January 06, 2007

And they're off!!

Hoorah the Estern Europeans downstairs are finally being booted out!

No more stolen mail or nicked Christmas presents or them lurking around the house and leaving their shit in the hallway ( It looks like a workshop) , or fixing knackerd old cars and leaving oilslicks in the driveway, or having their dodgy mates leering about, or just them generally being around

I don't like 'em, never did, don't trust em, never will and they're finally being booted out of the house...

Thank fuck for that!

I have to have all my mail sent to the venue, cos it just doesn't turn up at the house??

And...if they ever came up to my flat (to borrow shit etc.) I had to keep them at the door for fear of them seeing the studio and it basically going walkies.

Sooo, it all came to a head this morning when they gave landlady the ole 'Haven't been paid for a month, can't pay the rent' routine again and she finally cracked and lost the plot.

Big time!!

These people are so full of shit it's just not funny.

Ok it all started about a month ago ( well three actually ) when the other Eastern European couple moved out of the flat across the hall and took the keys with them by mistake (or so we were led to believe.)

Anyway cos the landlady has been ill and the locks on the flat were high security, they were never change and the flat has remained empty (Seemingly!)

Sooo, winding back two months I was coming out of my flat at around midday and some guy ("Another Eastern fukin European?? Will she never learn" I thinks!) comes out of the flat opposite. He says (very sheepishly) Hello, I say hello back and thought absolutely nothing of this.

Till... I'm having a chat with the landlady "How you feeling, you look much better love" etc. etc. etc. and I says to her "Who's the new guy"

Her "What new guy?"

Me: " The guy in the flat opposite mine?"

Her (exact words) : "What fucking guy in the flat opposite you?"

Me: "He's been there for like, a month dear"

She storms upstairs (obviously feeling better then are we?) and bangs on the door ( I thought it was gonna come off it's sodding hinges)

No reply

Bang Bang!

No reply


No reply


This guy comes to the door


Him: " I'm blagh blaghs son, they said that I could stay here for a while"

Her: "Oh really, we'll see about that shall we! "

Him: "Speak to them, they'll tell you...!"


Him: " No No, you have to speak..."

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as all fukin [landlady] hell breaks lose.

The pin is out and the granade is ticking I'm afraid.

What happend next?

England 1 Eastern Europe 0

That's what!

The landlady actually grabs this guy (and he's about 16 stone) and fukin ( I kid you not) chucks him down the stairs, she then goes into the flat, and a whole bunch of clothes and shit comes flying out.

He's collecting his shit and she's screeming obseneties ( too rude even for this blog?) at him.

The poor guy is pretty much shitting his pants....

I'm stood in disbelief watching what is unfurling before my eyes.

Squatters rights?

Not a fukin chance mate!

Turns out that when the couple in the flat upstairs had moved out, they had given the keys to the couple downstairs to give to the landlady and they just kept them and moved their son in under cover of darkness.

Unbelievable! And even more unbelievable is the fact that these Eastern European fuckers think that they might have actually pulled this stunt off??

Who the fuck do these people think they are?

Anyways, it turns out that the couple downstairs haven't actually paid any rent for a year?? But... because the landlady had become a bit pally pally with them, they've been allowed to get away with it??

No wonder she wanted more rent from the rest of us!

I'm fucked if I'm supporting these twats downstairs.

But... after this little stunt, she finally saw them for what they are: A bunch of thieving chancer gypsies!!

And it's about bloody time too.

Me and the landlady had a big chat about this and she basically apologised about having a go at me about more rent. Turns out she was just stressed over the Easterns and cos she'd become friends with them, she was having trouble in finding the words to tell them to 'fuck off out the house'.

To be honest, I think that that's the reason she's been ill

Absolutely ridiculous situation if you ask me.

Not any more though!

So the final straw came this morning when they started giving her more excuses about paying up.

She lost the plot with them, and they're out.

Tuff titty!!

These people aren't even supposed to be in this country, and of course any eviction notice will expose them, so they have no choice but to up camp and fuck off!

Bunch of fukin slimy Gypos

Hoorah, I can finally get my post sent to my home address.

And...I don't have to worry about the landlady wanting more money

She's given me a notice to put in the local shop window in a couple of days for her

It reads...

2 Flats for rent...blagh blagh blagh...NO EASTERN EUROPEANS PLEASE!





Blogger Andi said...

Hahaha, man that story made me laugh, good work.

8:56 pm  
Blogger Cind said...

Nice one - let's just hope it's not the landlady that's been nickin' the mail ;-}

11:12 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

No, it's definitely not the landlady.

3:39 pm  
Blogger what's_my_line? said...


11:31 pm  
Anonymous Ben said...

Hahaha, nice rant, lol :)

1:13 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Would that be Ben C in the place to be?

8:08 am  
Blogger VerbalD said...

the landlady would be prosecuted by the federal government in the US for that notice...

equal housing and all

1:26 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummm doesn't anyone think this cokehead guys a racist arse?? How about a stereotyping redneck?? Sure you've had a bad experience with a few of these people, don't rwite the whole eastern continent off!

9:58 pm  

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