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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine ... Ten things ..

Oh my gawd , he's about to do a valentines post : What the fuck is that about ??

Ok , sooo , Valentine ... Ten things ?

  1. Nothing is really known about St Valentine apart from the fact that he refused to deny Christ before the "Emperor Claudius" in the year 280, so the Romans chopped his head off , which is nice !! Even then where not sure if this was the right bloke who's name we use for this particular holiday ?
  2. I don't do it ... I don't need a special allocated day just to tell me to be all lovey dovey when I can do that all year round ...
  3. It's that day of the year when flowers , chocolates , restaurants and anything remotely considered romantic has it's price tag kicked through the stratosphere by all the greedy shop owning twats out there ??
  4. On the subject of restaurants , it's the best time to see miserable couples going hammer and tong at each other in a public place . I've seen some ( and been involved in one) absolute crackers in my time !!
  5. It's a showcase for what I can only call the worst graphic designers on the planet to come out of the woodwork and show off their genius to the world... Ho hum !!
  6. It's the best time to see fully grown men walking down the street with huge pink teddybears and shit .. Top !!
  7. With some women , if you miss it , you'd better have a good excuse or your fucked mate .. it's game over time , it really is !!
  8. It's the best time of the year to pull women , you can actually read the ' absolute desperation ' on some girls ( and mens ) faces as they really have to admit the fact that their not getting laid and are all alone at the moment . Awww bless !!
  9. It's the day when you can all nostalgic and retrospectively sad about the one that got away .. Boo !!
  10. ???
And before you say it , I will be making dinner for Little Mistress Sat night ( cos she says she likes to watch me cook ) and I'll also be taking her for a nice Sunday lunch ..

Just the same as I do almost every other weekend !!

I'm working tonight , easy night ... Engineering the rig for some huge speed dating event , can't see the point of dating on speed , you'd never shut the fuck up would you .. Ha !!

Don't know how or why I got this gig .. But I kinda thought it might be a laugh , so I'm doing it ..

And also , no I don't want an ID card thanks , why .. Because I reckon that after a couple of years it'll have everything on it , from your credit details to your past jobs to your medical records to any number of things and I don't know about you lot , but I've fucked up a number of times in my life and I don't want all that shit following me around forever , what's done is done eh !!

So no Tony , and to be honest , I've never met anyone who actually wants one of these things ..

I'm not a super clean living person and neither do I ever want to be , but I can still get credit and shit if I want it ( but only if I tell porkies on the forms ) and I really don't like the idea of being refused a mortgage or something just because I forgot to pay a parking ticket or didn't return a DVD or a library book or fucked up on some student loan in fukin 1986 thanks , coz if you added all these seperate incidents up on one ID card , you would be suprised just how many of us would be credit fucked for the rest of our lives ..

And , why the fuck should I pay for this , If you want me to have one of these , you fukin pay for it !!

So , for once in your life Tony , listen to your country , ya know , those people who gave you your fukin job in the first place and not just yourself mate ..

We don't want your stupid ID card , it won't help to combat fraud at all. In case you haven't seen the figures mate I'll just have fill you in shall I .. Ok , are you listening Mr Blair: The vast majority of fraud and Identity theft in our country , wait for it ... HAPPENS ON-LINE AND OUTSIDE OF OUR COUNTRY ... So how's your little card gonna help with that eh ???

Enough said I think ...

Listening to : J dilla , 'Doughnuts' , my gawd , the production on this album is absolute fukin genius , It's easily on par with De la Souls 'Three feet high and rising' Does it really take being on your deathbed to actually come up with magical ' all the stops out ' production on this sorta level ?? I don't know , but he certainly does !! Well done that man .. I certainly hope that I can leave a present for the world like this album when I go ;0) Rest in peace genius !!


Anonymous chinablue said...

Hahaha, 'dating on speed'... might have to give that one a go!

Cool blog by the way.

3:34 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really enjoy the blog. I hope you enjoy it enough to keep blogging for a long while. I read this in the April 2006 edition of the ForteanTimes and thought you might enjoy it:

Nut Crackheads

Word has gone round Brixton in south London that squirrels are getting hooked on crack cocaine plundered from stashes hidden by dealers in local gardens following a police crackdown (excuse pun). Sick-looking squirrels with bloodshot eyes have been seen sniffing the ground and digging in flowerbeds. Crack squirrels are rumoured to roam New York and Washington parks and have allegedly attacked pedestrians looking for their next hit. D.Express Guardian, 8 Oct 2005.

Granted, this smacks of urban legendness, but I find the idea of swarms of crack maddened squirrels attacking passerbys amusing.

4:15 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...


Crack squirrel , now that's a cartoon Idea if I've ever seen one !!

2:55 pm  

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