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Thursday, February 02, 2006

The great parcel farce !!

Ok , I didn't have time to write about my parcel moment the other day so I'll do it now I guess ..

Soo , As you may or may not know , I had all my Christmas presents from my sister ( yes I have one of those things too !! ) stolen again this year ( happened last year as well ) . I automatically blamed ( sooo sorry chaps !! ) the Great British Post Office for their theft , as one does ..

I even put in a formal complaint !!

Anyway , the other day I was taking delivery of my new audio interface thingy and because it was kinda expensive , and I don't trust the normal post , I arranged ( at great expense to myself I might add ) to have it couriered to my home address , therefore I knew the exact time to the hour that it would be delivered ..

Ok , so I waited in the house for the above said parcel to arrive and ... It didn't ??

So , I get on the phone to the courier company , give him all my details and I'm like " Soo , where the fuck is it then ? "

Parcel guy : " It's been delivered mate , it was delivered and signed for at 3:34 pm , It says here on the computer "

Me : " Do fukin what mate "

Parcel guy : " Yep , delivered and signed for at 3:34 pm , that's what it says "

Me : " Ok mate , I'll get back to you "

Sooo , the plot thickens !!!

Right , I know that at this time there is only one person in the house ... The fat fuck polish women downstairs ...

So I go down and bang on her door ..

She answers , all smiling and shit ..

Me : " PARCEL ... FUCKING ... WHERE ? "

Her ( shrugging her shoulders ) : " I not understand ? "

Me : " Oh no , Don't give me that shit luv I'm not in the mood for games , now stop fucking around and just give me the fuking parcel "

Her : " Oh , you must be ........ , err yes , I have it here "

She then goes into her bathroom ??? and retrieves' the fukin parcel ..

By this point , I'm late for work , so I grab the parcel , take it upstairs and fly out the door to catch my tube to work ..

I know for a fact from the expression on her face that if I hadn't have gone downstairs and got it back , I would never have seen that audio interface again , period ... I would have been extremely pissed !!!

So , I'm sat on the tube fukin fuming about this and I get to thinking about my Christmas presents and I start to put two and two together ...

Soo, off the tube and straight on the phone to my sister ..

Me : " H luv , what exactly did you get me for Christmas ? "

Her : " Errr , a remote control car , why ?? "

Fucken fukity fukin fuck !!!!

Me : " I'll tell you later mate , I'm kinda pissed at the moment !!! "

Ok , soo , about a week before Christmas , fat Polish fuck and her husband had their nephew visiting them and guess what ... The little fucker had a brand new remote control car ...

I know this because I helped him put the fukin batteries in it ??

And they sat and watched me fukin do it ... Cunts !!!!

Soo , not only did fat Polish fuck try and steal my audio interface , she's had my Christmas presents two years in a row ??

Who steals Christmas presents , that's just fukin lower than low in my book !!

So , I get on the phone to the landlady and tell her the story ..

Her : " That's funny , I had my purse stolen the other day and they are way behind on the rent "

Me : " Get rid , no , seriously , just get rid ... "

Her : " I think you could be right "

Me ( and I can say this to her coz we have such a great relationship ) : " If you don't , then I fukin will !!! "

Her : "Ok , I think it's about time I served notice then "

Me : " Yep , I'm thinking that as well dear !!! "

Sooo , I haven't seen dodgy Polish couple since the event , kinda on purpose though coz I will lose the plot if they start but I know the landlady has given them notice to quit and that's all I really care about at the mo ... It just makes me think of all the bank cards , mobile phones , demo CD's , publishing cheques etc. etc. that all went missing in the post last year ..

Bunch of thieving fukin cunts !!!

Bye ..


Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

You putting the batteries into the car is just taking the piss...

I didn't meant to laugh ,... but I did when I heard that.

Fucking crooks everywhere.

Why can't people be HONEST?


7:06 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

" I didn't meant to laugh ,... but I did when I heard that. "

Yeah yeah ...twatty !!

7:58 pm  
Anonymous Mango said...

That's why I don't trust Polish people...

8:24 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Yep , it's a shame , but my feelings are swinging that way as well ...

8:31 pm  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

black humour...

gallows humour....

i hope that don't put me in your bad books.


8:50 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Don't be daft mate , my skins a bit thicker than that..


9:30 pm  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

okay cool.

I'm off to pacha again tomorrow.


10:29 pm  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

and I still need a house tune.

I am thinking about asking to use a tune released on a couple of ministry of sound albums - do you know any people there?

"wildberry tracks( making love)" by Future funk.


don't you need artist AND distribution permission?

how do I find out who owns the track?

10:33 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

No , you just need the Artists permission , if you drop an email to Ministry try , you can probably get hold of someone ..

Or try their site seems a bit under construction at the mo but there's a DJ booking contact on there ..

Unfortunately nobody I know of in the biz will work for Ministry as It's just a coporate shit chucking machine , so no contact I'm afraid ..

I'm pretty sure if you tell the band your a new director and have no budget , they will cut you some slack , I do it all the time coz it's always good for publicity , but I don't make house music ...

11:10 pm  
Blogger donk said...

they stole your christmas presents and gave them to their kid?!!! that is fucked up, mate!

11:59 pm  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

i just emailed them


we'lll have to see what happens...

but like a jackass - I forget to mention that I'm a new director....

but thanks dude - I would never have thought to find their website - I would have gone through ministry and that would have been a monumental pain.... but maybe more on those guys at the ministry later

12:35 am  
Anonymous tilda said...

LOL LOL.. OMG!! My stupid blond neigbour used to steal my parcels too, and cos she was blong and 'angelic' looking, no one believed me!! (AGGHH)

LOL LOL.. I dont believe she gave your present to her little nephew, thats just plain evil! You have to do something equally evil to her, and make sure she knows you did... but has no proof. Balance the universe.

Shit I hate polish people.

4:08 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

I have done something " equally evil to her " , I've made her fukin homeless and I hope she gets the ( don't come to our country , sponge off the state and take the piss out of your hosts ) message , coz we won't fukin stand for it ...

Dear Tony , shut the flood gates mate , we don't need or want these people around us ...

Were fukin British thanks !!

4:23 am  
Blogger what's_my_line? said...

No shite! That's pretty f'ed up, bud!

Well be rid of them and good riddance.

3:40 pm  
Blogger r-e-n spells ren but i'm raw said...

that sucks, dude

5:17 pm  
Anonymous tilda said...

Lol... I LOOVE IT!!

Please lock all doors the day she's moving out though! Evil thieves... will steal anything!

Ha ha one polish person down, a million more to go...

6:50 pm  
Blogger Kat in da Hat said...

bastards....the poles...not you

9:52 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

I'm kinda getting an anti Polish concensous vibe from my readers here , guess it's not just me than eh !!

4:39 am  

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