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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Yeah .. Party time !!

Sooo , last night was not worthy of anything Blogable and tonight's just the club , but .....

Well ....

Sat is the " Party of the fukin Year " folks , the one we always look forward too , the drugs fest to end all drugs fests ...

It me and JB's :
Woohoo !!!

It's for a few big multinational CEO types , their trophy wives and their hugely privileged little snot nosed offspring ..

But , they pay ... So we do !!!

We basically drop what were doing , hire a crazy disco rig , raid Woolworths for the latest chart topping hits and go into " All Out Disco ( lets see those crazy little legs a movin ) DJ Diva Mode " It's a 3 hour kids disco/party on a Sat afternoon every year , two weeks before Christmas Day ..

And we become the hosts with the most ..

Actually , it's kinda fun ...

300 little bratts , high on Coca-cola , Jelly sandwiches and chocolate snowmen all dancing to Kylie and the Tellytubby's lastest smash anthem's whilst playing pass the parcel and flip the kipper ( if you don't know don't ask ) .. Oooh the tears , the tantrums and the occasional messy pants .

There's a parents buffet too , which is like woooh , hold the fort !! Nobody eats any of it so we just help ourselves at the end , it keeps you fed for the next three days .. Fortnum and Mason Foie Gras anyone .. Thought not !!

The Joy ..

You get to see the little Cherubs faces light up as Santa comes all the way from the North Pole just to see them . ( And , err hand out presents .. )

And then it all goes quiet ... Shhhh !!

Shhhhh !!!

" Can you hear it ? "

" Can you hear the chimey chimey bell's of Santa's Sleigh ? "

" Can you ... Can you ? "

Actually hold up a minute , he's just paying the congestion charge on his mobile ..

Wait .. Back it up; he's got a parking ticket .

Oh , and now he's been fukin clamped ...

Ooof , hold it; he's just stuffed the traffic warden with a left ...

" Nice one Santa mate , right on the chin "

And then he arrives ...

With his big bag of presents ..

Not unlike the dealer ??

Oh Joy !!

Poor Santa , as London becomes more and more Cosmopolitan , the poor bugger has a fine old time trying to read out the names of Allastiovnev Bollistroika and Kadaliniana Whateverthefucklinski .. But Santa , as we all know is a trooper and no bridge will be left un-crossed , no mountain left un-climbed and no tinsel left un-tinseled just so that little Jimmy Banbilicyendimov has a little plastic bow and arrow set to shoot his parents in the ass ... Bless !!

And there's always one little man who wants the Barbie doll nowadays , so off he trots to beat up little Miss Mary Manjipangio till she starts crying , and then the parents get involved " Your sons a fucking fag mate "

Ooooh the joy , the festive treats in store for all too behold ..

Me personally , well I kinda like the sexy single mums myself : Always willing to sup a bit of mulled wine ( actually usually a lot of ) for that festive flirtation round the back of the pin the tail on the reindeer mock-up : "So , tell me , have you seen inside Santas grotto lately luv ? "

It may be only three hours , but your living in kiddy time here so it seems like nine months : but what the fuck , its Christmas ... Hoorah !!

I must see if I can get a picture of the carnage left behind this year .. Took us an hour last year just to get the ice-cream out of one of the fukin speaker cones !!

But , you know .. Kids will be kids ..

I remember a couple of years ago sitting in the pub afterwards with JB and all we could do was shrug our shoulders ...

You wanna win wars , Send in the kids , high on the tatrazine in Orange squash and zap the fukin enemies energy !!

Actually : Bad idea

Send em to the interrogation stage .. That'll make em all talk .. " Oh no , not the fairy cake in the ear again , I'll sign , I'll sign !!!"


A right old blast ...

Chocolate Snowman Anyone ?

And finally ... I guess that Pearlyrics software thing has started a war all of it's own ... From the BBC today

Oh yeah , I agree throw all the owners of these fukin Terribly illegal song lyric sites in prison ... Yeah , yeah throw em all in jail for teaching our future songwriters and guitarists how to write proper songs and lyrics ... What a fukin crime eh !!! In fact , throw us all in fukin jail for actually picking up our guitars in the first place ... In fact why don't you round up all the builders and offfice workers etc. or in fact anyone who illegally whistles a tune in public ( or private for that matter ) without paying royalties ... You tight fukin fuckers ..

Oh .. And for all the clever people out there ; if you actually listen to a song with a pen and a bit of paper you may find that you can actually write the lyrics down ..

But watch out , you my find that you get the pen manufacturers sued for accessory to theft , so keep that one quiet !!!!

Note to the big 5 ( music companies ) ; Why don't you and your fukin shareholders , take a holiday with your well earned cash , buy a large tub of napalm , and use it as fukin suntan lotion you tight fuk-wad bunch of twats ......

There ; I think I got that one out of my system .... Deep breath , hold it .... And , breath out again !!

You can find a copy of pearlyrics OSX Here ..So fukin sue me .

Bye bye ..


Blogger Shelli said...

Sign me up! Sounds like a smashing good time!! Disco is sooo not my thing but to get down with a bunch of tots and listening for Santa to arrive...

I think I can handle the lame tunes!

Your so sweet to do this for them though! money or not, your making those kids darn happy! Hehe! Your like a dealer...I mean, Santa!

~Shells xoxo

5:34 am  
Blogger ty bluesmith said...

you crack me up. i read the paragraph about the whistlers aloud to latty.

1:19 am  
Blogger sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

sweet. :-) have fun with it.

12:07 pm  
Blogger mcdolph said...

re: blue carbon protocol.

very nice mate. very neat and tidy.

i like that sentimental farmer too.


2:23 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Cheers , the sentimental farmer was a lot of fun to make .. I'm gonna do somre more episodes when I have time ..

Blue carbons new album also in the pipeline , the first albums not really finished but I guess I'll leave it that way for arts sake ..

5:12 pm  

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