A night not to remember ...

Ummm , Last night was one of those nights I guess ...

Sooo , I gets to the club at about 5 pm and there's this air of misery kicking about , the staff all look like there about to meet impending doom .. In other words fukin miserable .. Sooo I'm like " What the fuck's up with you lot ?"

Staff member " P ( bar manager ) has told us all we can't have a drink anymore after work "

Me : " He's done fukin what ? "

SM : " Yeah nobody can have a drink when we have finished work , it totally sucks mate "

Fukin what ... In all my years of workin clubs , I have never heard anything so tight in all my life . In clubland , after we've all finished work , it is customery for all the staff to sit down , relax , wait for taxis and have a couple of drinks .. But , no , this tight fuck-wad says he's trying to save money , so no more staff drinks ... This to me is fukin ridiculous , staff need to relax after a hectic Friday night otherwise when you get home you can't sleep ...

I go to see the bar manager ...

Me : " Some of the staff are having a joke on about the fact you've said they can't have a drink after work ? "

BM : " No , No , that's it , no one has a drink after work anymore , and I want the taxis hear by 2.45 am ( barely enough time to shut the club , nevermind sit down and relax after what is for some a 16 hour shift ) , I'm sick of people taking the piss after we shut , we're not a big enough venue to be giving the staff free drinks "

Arrr , this is all starting to make sense ....

Me ; " Sorry mate , I disagree , ( we have 2000 people through the door at £10 a pop , each buying on average £20 worth of drinks ; Thats £60,000 av. on a Friday night ?? ) , we're a hugh club .. And staff having drinks after work is compulsory to the trade : not fukin optional ... Happy staff = A happy venue !! "

BM : " No , I'm not having it anymore , besides , I want to be home earlier from now on "

Ahhaa , the real fukin reason .... Oh does didums want to go home early ? , coz if you do mate , your in the wrong fukin business ??

Me : " Ok mate , but your gonna have the most miserable staff in London on your hands "

BM : " Arr fuck em , bunch of stupid kids anyway "

Yeah mate , those " Stupid kids " Just happen to make this clock tick !!

Me : " Suit yourself , your funeral mate "

Tight fuker ... This twat stopped the DJ's having free drinks about a month ago , which I thought was fukin ridiculous and he even put a sign up in the DJ booth which said .. " No Drinking while Working " ... Ha ! , that was duly ripped down and ignored .. This fukin guys going mad in his old age ...

So , yeah , a most unhappy bunch of staff .. He'll learn though as the staff start to leave and it becomes a blacklisted place to work .. Barstaff have little communities and they all talk to each other about the best venues to work etc . So when the word gets out , he's gonna find it harder and harder to recruit ... Fukin Idiot !!

So yeah , a night of moody barstaff followed and a couple of even staff walked out , so now we had moody overworked barstaff...

Not good , not good at all ..

Ok that's number one , number two gets even better ..

This kid decides ( outside of the club ) , that it'll be a bood idea to run out into the road without even looking to see what's coming ..... Blaammm straight into a passing car , body hits the car , head goes through the windscreen ... Ouch !!

Oh , that's gonna hurt in the morning ..

Lucky for him the car was going slowly or he would have been dead on impact ... Double ouch !!

So we all spend the next 20 mins waiting for the ambulance and generally trying to keep this kid alive at the side of the road ..

" What's you name mate , where does it hurt , no , don't try and get up mate " , that sort of thing ..

Ok ...

The ambulance comes and off he goes .... Episode over , mop the blood off the street .. Uggg !!

Ok that's number two and finally number three ..

I decided to jump over the bar to turn the aircon down , but , as I landed my leg caught the dishwasher . The dishwasher then decided that it would be a good idea to rip a 5 inch gash in the side of my shin ... Fukin way ouch !!!

Nice ...

It looks pretty nasty this morning , but not nasty enough to warrant a trip to hospital ..

I showed one of the barstaff and she fainted .... Bless ..

So yeah , bad leg ... Today I hobble ...

What a shit night all round ..

Ok , it's far too cold to do anything today and I'm in to much pain ; so me and little Mistress are gonna stay in my flat and watch a couple of DVDs and eat pizza etc....

Touches his leg ... Fukin ouch !!!

Oooof ..

Bye ...