Arise Sir Rubbish Night !!

Ooof , what a horrible night ..

As I said before I'm production managing my mate B's club in the West end , so not only am I dealing with band nights , I'm also doing the Christmas parties and I guess tonight was just one of those nights .

Ok , so , this party is for like 200 top brass academic heads of departments for an extremely exclusive London University ..

If your a top brass academic head of department for an extremely exclusive London University yourself : I apologies in advance but I find you lot , totally fukin rubbish : Rubbish with social skills , rubbish at conversation , no fukin common sense at all and just totally annoyingly rubbish at all times in the extreme .. You're just rich fukin toffs from privelidged families who can't deal with the real world so you become academics and babble on about shit for the rest of your days !!

OK , soo , rubbish person no.1 : I'm stood , by myself at the back end of the venue away from everything but the machine room , hanging out of a window having a cigarette . Rubbish person no 1 ( mid 40's grown up authorative looking bloke type ) approaches me ..

Bearing in mind that I'm running the whole venue this week the following takes place ...

RP 1 : " Excuse me young man but I think you'll find that this is a no smoking area , yes , and I've been told to report smokers in case of the event of smoke setting off the fire alarm system and then causing the management and myself to have to clear 1000 + people from this venue and It'll all be all your fault "

Me : We'll I'm too stumped that no words come out of my mouth , at all ??

This fucker then stands right up close to me in a threatening manor , guestering to me with his hand to drop the cigarette and prodding me in the fukin chest with his other hand ..

I'm sorry mate but where the fuck do you fuking get off acting like that , you are 1. absolutely nothing to do with the venue , or the management , or anything at all for that fukin matter , and 2. This is not , and never has been a non smoking area which is kinda besides the point , which is ... Who the fukin fuck are you anyway ???

What like , were you bullied as a child or something or are you just so fuking stupid that you have to be tripping just to justify your rubbish fuking existence ???

What the fuck ..

I put out the cigarette and just walk away in disbelief .. It was either that or have him thrown out : Not the right option as he was just being fukin rubbish after all ..

Turns out this is the party organiser and an academic of some repute , a fukin Sir , a fukin Knight of the fukin Realm for fucks sake ( Not in my fukin club though ... Thanks ) , I find this out about half an hour later when I get a request from the doorman asking if the organiser can have a radio to be able to communicate his needs to the staff ..

" OK I say , no problem , tell me where he is and I'll organise it "

" Downstairs by the DJ box " comes the reply ..

I trundle off to meet the above said organiser ..

Ha , it's only fukin Sir Mr fukin rubbish himself !!

I'm introduced , he nearly shits himself , you can tell in his eyes and he knows he's fucked it right up ..

" You ! , a radio !! , I don't fukin think so mate , I don't really think your kinda responsible enough if you now what I mean !!!! "

He knows , he just fukin knows ..

He says nothing and kinda scurries off out of sight ...

That bloke with a radio , he'd have half the fukin club thrown out for dancing and the rest thrown out for buying drinks !!

The poor guy ignored me all night , I can see him lerking in the shadows as I do my various rounds of the club ..

Sorry mate , just don't fukin lie ( espesh to those who may or may not be actually involved in the management ) and like just stop being so fukin rubbish YOU DICKHEAD !!

Arise Sir Fukin Dickhead ...

Sooo , Rubbish person no 2 : Pissed out of her head , rubbish dancing to rubbish music girl who for some reason got it into her head that I fancied her just cos I said hello to her mate ... I'm sorry if I got all pissy with you , but I told you like 6 or 7 times that I was working and that I " WAS NOT INTERESTED IN FUKIN DANCING TO ABBA AND SHIT WITH YOU MATE " ..

" Oh go on , it's Christmas "

" No means no luv , sorry !! "

My mate J's quote of the night : " Mate , just take her round the back , stick your cock in her mouth and have done with it , if you don't then I will !! "

Classy J mate , real classy ??

I walked around , she fukin followed .. I ended up just sitting in the office with with a pint of Stella just to deal with it all ..

So , yeah .. A shit night all round ..

There were about another 4 or 5 other rubbish people but I fear that If I continue I'll end up dreaming rubbish dreams , so I think I'll stop there ..

Roll on fukin Tues ..

I've already had about four calls from tomorrow nights promoter ..

" Can you make sure that the DJ has a pair of technics 1210 mk 2 turntables for tomorrow night "

" Err yeah but I think there only mk 1 technics "

" Oh no , they must be Mk 2 "

WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE , MK 1 OR MK 2 ???

You put records on them and they fukin play em ... Arrrghhhh !!!

I kinda in a bad mood I think and It's only day 1 ..

Still , I''m sure it'll turn out alright ..

Anyway it's late so I'm going to bed ..

Night all ..

Finally ... Kinda sad Arnie , you killed people in the movies and now you get to do it for real mate , full circle eh , bit dissapointing though fella ??