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Monday, June 06, 2005

Is it a bird ? , is it a plane ? , no , It's a Swiss doughnut !!

Soo , my calf muscle is in agony , I'm bored , and these painkillers are really tripping me out ..

Hope this is gonna be all better for Russia ??? , thats all I need when I'm trying to set up a band ..

Bugger !!!

Anyway as i've got a bit of time on my hands , i'll tell you all a story ...

Sooo gather round the campfire , get your marshmallows ready ( to toast ) , and don't get to close , no really you'll burn yourself , no really !!! , there I fukin told you so , you've burnt your shoes haven't you , you fukin doughnut !!!

Anyway , listen put that fukin guitar down will you ...... Thanks !!!

Ok ...

Sooo , I'm doing a gig in Switzerland , land of the cuckoo clock and errr !! , o yeah it has some mountains , and it's the only place i've ever been where you can smoke dope openly in a restaurant ( really , no shit ) ...

Soooo , i'm on stage playing keyboards , mid gig in front of about 1500 people , when this guy runs across the stage in a fukin frenzy , I look at the lead singer , he look's fukin worried , but the show must go on , anyway this guy goes flying past me like he's running for his life , followed by a huge security guy towards to the front of the stage ... Aha , a Swiss stage diver me thinks !!! , he get's to the edge of the stage with this mad look on his face , and he's just about to jump , when he realises that were about 15 feet off the ground and the audience ( the people who will ultimately catch him ) are about 20 feet away , a complete no brainer really ..

Sooo this guy changes his mind ( good thinking superman !! ) , but , It's too fukin late , he's changed his mind mid flight , Elvis has left the building ladies and gentleman , last orders at the bar please , red leader , bleep , were going in !!! .

His face turns fukin green , I'm at enough of an angle to see the absolute terror in this guys eyes !! , and as if in slow motion ( i think the strobe light helped ) , he decends into the abyss .... Thwack !!!!! , his chin lands first , right between two gaps in the the fukin crowd security rail ... Ouch !! , thats gonna hurt in the morning pal , the rest of his body goes over the top , but his head is stuck fast and he springs back like an elastic band towards the stage and land's in a heap in the middle of no mans land between the crowd and the stage ... I really thought he'd broken his fukin neck ...

This guy is totally knocked out cold on the floor ..

The lead singer is at this point curled up on stage pissing himself ...

Me and the rest of the band can't play for laughing ..

The security guy just stands at the edge of the stage shaking his head in utter disbelief , and even the paramedics are doubled up fukin laughing ...

It takes the paramedics and two security guards , about ten minutes, two people on each leg , to pull this guys head free from the guard rail ...

I wish I'd had a camera ...

You proper , proper fukin doughnut !!!

Notice to all stage divers , everywhere : Do the fukin calculations before makin the fukin jump ....

Ummm !!!

4 Comments:

Blogger me said...

unlucky

2:47 pm  
Blogger mr. tomas ubik said...

your stories make my co-workers think im a fuking loon...no one else is laughing at their screen.

4:57 pm  
Anonymous Dani said...

my arse... thx for dat one, mate. you don't mind me mentioning we're not all nuts, eh?

D

6:07 pm  
Anonymous ocB said...

oh man..that just..sucks. It makes me wonder how he tells the story ya know? I mean how do you tell ya friends ..that?!? lol

10:30 am  

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