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Saturday, July 29, 2006

The Essex cab thiefs of Romford

Sooo, it's finally the weekend. The club was mobbed last night and for some reason was full of young Americans who have the inability it seems to hold down their drink? There was some funky ass hurlin goin on in the club I can tell you!!

What a mess!

Nothing really eventful happened after that apart from the old 'eat ten packets of crisps (potato chips) in under 20mins' bar staff game. Sounds easy, but not one person in two years of the competition starting has managed to do it! Last nights candidate got to bag no. 8 (not bad) before collapsing over the sick bucket. Still, it's a good laugh to watch somebody maneuver through various shades of yellow to green.

Sooo, the prize fund still stands at £120 and 11 dollars and 6 Euros and thirty five pence.

And rising!

I left the club in a really bad mood last night for some reason? I guess it was just a bit of a long day. I was just about to get in my Taxi when this fukin prick in a business suit pushed me out of the way and jumped in with his tarty girlfriend!! I of course being tired and moody and completely sober...lost the fukin plot. I walked round to the other side of the cab, opened the door grabbed the fuker by his collar and threw him onto the fukin street. His High heeled, skirt up to her tits, Essex girlfriend thing, jumps out the cab and starts screaming at me: " What ya doin, it's arrrr cab mate?"

"Funny that, I think you'll find it's on my account mate!"

Anyway... Business bloke starts to get up preparing himself for a ruk, so I push him back down to the floor, and I'm like: " Sorry mate, your fukin pissed, I'm sobber, it's my cab, on my account, so just fuck off! "

His girl's like: : " Come on Enry, don't want this fucking stupid cab anyway!!"

I get in. My usual cab driver D is pissing himself laughing in his mad Polish way, and I'm like: " Just take my the fuck home D, enough already!"

He did.

The same thing happened at Heathrow airport after a gig a couple of years ago with this Japanese business man? He started all this ying tong origami fukin fugu martial arts twaddle on me while trying to nick my cab. So I decked him with my keyboard flightcase!

You might be able to pull that shit in Tokyo sonny, but not here, and definitely not in my pre-ordered fukin cab mate!

It's a fukin jungle out there, I'm tellin you, it just fukin is!

It's still mega hot in London and I'm a bit of a loss what to do? I've just spent the last two weeks weening myself off cocaine for a bit of detox, so the last thing I wanna do is go anywhere near the local bars. So I'm at a bit of a loss really.. Ho Hum!

Anyway, I'm gonno go food shopping.

Yeah, that's it...Food shopping!

Laters

6 Comments:

Blogger Tony Play said...

Now you know why I escaped out of the big SX....

10:11 am  
Blogger China Blue said...

What a cheeky bastard! Honestly, some people think that wearing a suit entitles them to behave like twats. Good thing you showed 'em otherwise.

10:41 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Yeah, it comes from working near the Stockbroking dickhead area of London City..

3:18 pm  
Blogger Ivar said...

it's all right, mate, i'm living the dream for both of us! fighting, strippers (three, to be exact), loads of jagger, rum and whiskey and abundant charles. it was a good night last night! i guess the dump was a bit stepped on and it took a bit to get to sleep if you need a downside...i need a good valium hookup ;)

6:21 pm  
Blogger roxyfoxy said...

Mmm a like your style rough n ready !

12:08 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure you were sober? Cos Romford ain't in Essex, it's in London.

4:49 pm  

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