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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Sign some decent sodding music

I must admit, I'm becoming a little disheartend with the music business at the moment, the lack of risk taking by the A & R departments is really starting to kill shit off? Do we really want to live in a world were 'middle of the road' Indie toss rules the roost.

I mean for fucks sake!!

I was scanning itunes this morning and you know what? There's like jack shit new bands releasing records on major labels that would actually fukin warrant more than 10 seconds of my time in the lug hole department . Nothing, null, nowt, not a fukin monkey, fuck all with a capital F!

And then some!

And...If I hear one more shite, copy, horrid guitar sounding, regional dialect (think Artic monkey clones) pant's shite Indie band, then I'm gonna throw the fuck up!


Come on kids, where are you picking your techniques up from? The fukin Mothercare twee department!

Sooo, you've bought a guitar! Learn to fukin use it then. Try putting some space between the fucking notes!! I donno, listen to the Who or something and try copying their guitar sound instead of pressing the 'makes it sound like it's in a fukin biscuit tin full off sodding nails, in the middle of a wet fart competition' button on your guitar amp..

You lot make the Sex Pistols sound like Karen Carpenter on a peace mission to fukin mello ville?

Please, no more top end!

Note to guitar amp manufacturers of the world: There should be a system of guitar exams that are graded by adding knobs to the amps. Stage one gets you the upper mid knob, Stage two the high frequency knob and only when you are fully accomplished should you be allowed to have the presence knob. Coz I'm sure these kids just turn the fukin lot flat out!

It drives me mad when I'm engineering, your gonna make me fukin deaf.

Take for example last years Live 8 concert: Shite sounding indy bands all day, then the Who get on stage and everything just sounds solid as fuck and then floyd get on stage and it's just pure fukin bliss. You know why, coz they've learned that to get a good guitar sound, you turn it up loud, and then play it soft! It's called dynamics and it really does fukin work...

Loud, soft, loud soft!!

It'll still sound fukin raw as fuck, but it'll have depth and solidity!

Go on, give it a go!

Maybe it's not the bands, maybe it's the 'everything's gotta sound as loud as the fukin TV adverts' mastering engineers?? Or maybe it's just the extra bloody flouride in the friggin water supplies??

I don't know, what the fuck eh!

Oh I found some more Lounge on the farm festival pics on Flickeeerrr, they kinda sum up the bohem nature of the place, and also show just how fukin hot it was.

Funny, Yesterdays Myspace power outage??? Myspace is in one of the Equinix data centres, which, for those who don't know, are supposed to be the most advanced data centres in the world , containing "truely uninteruptable power supplies" That's two power sources and diesel generators for back up in case the juice stops flowing, in other words, they can't in theory have power outages (unless Brian has been siphoning off all the diesel for his geek tractor).

Not any more busta, caputt they went! at the first sign of trouble?

Ooops, I'll get my hat!

Methinks a redesign is on the cards.

Just to rant on a little more... I've recently been using Little Snitch, it's a prog that basically tells you if any of your computer apps are phoning home on the intertwit. They are, fukin all of them. Jeez louise. So, after grabbing the packets that are been sent home by one (mentioning no names) pretty popular app and analyzing them, we find the fukin following. My IP address, my mac address, my serial, my location, the amount of time I use the app, my last 10 sites visited? the colour of my fukin underpants! And all manor of other shit, all sent home, every time I launch the damn thing?? Not anymore cocksuckers...Denied forever. When you wanna do fukin market research on me, you ask first, and then I can politely tell you to fuck the fuck off!!

And Finally this heartwarming story from yesterdays L.A. times... lovely!

Oh and look, from the BBC, a story on a better than CD quality WIFI player for Audiophiles? Funny that, us enginneers only ever master to CD quality, so how the fuck do these so called Audiophiles hear any fukin difference is totally beyound the scope of my little fukin brain???

So called Audiophiles piss me right off, I can often be found in the many high end HiFi shops of Tottenham court road conversing with the 'Trained' staff on the latest gizmos in Hifi. But, you don't actually know that (as a sound engineer) I'm completely ripping the piss out of your sales patter, coz it's complete bullshit that spews from your gob mate. It really is " Oh really mate, the AD converters made of Trintium plus bullshitamide, oh is that why it's like £20,000" Rubbish! If we don't record it that way, it can't be played back that way...period!!

And what's the Audiophiles top audio quality benchmark listening test holy grail record of choice? Why it Pink Floyd's " Dark side of the moon" Made in 1973 on 1970's technology and recorded to second geneneration two track tape. I rest my case!

You all need deporting to "I've got a £10,000 cd player so therefore I know lots of stuff about sound" fukin Island. Forever!

Right, I'm off down the club to reprogramme the lights..


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Blogger london cokehead said...

You know, everybody's reading, but nobodies saying. I've a good mind to kill this blog and move it to where it should have been in the first place...As a personal mystatement thing..

Fukin Cocksuckers!!

12:11 am  
Blogger ukfella_1 said...

nah you don't wanna be doing that mate, top blog yours fella.

As a long suffering windows user I'm off to find a little snitch for windows that aint as bloated as Zone Alarm Pro. Although I could get OS X on my intel architecture i guess... :)

9:47 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't change anything, you have it down. Just found you recently and enjoying it.

M in CA

3:01 pm  
Blogger Ivar said...

oh you are just being surly...i like that...and you have good reason to be annoyed! the festering masses that think they have a clue what is going on with reproduced sound become more annoying every day. i mean, you drop a ton of money on expensive gear and studio grade monitors for your home stereo, then butt them up against the same wall behind the couch on one side and pointed at a bare wall across the room on the other and wonder why you can't hear anything around 4k from your easy chair...and too right about the fact that most music is not recorded in HD so what is the fucking point of feeling like you are required to listen to it as such. i've got an idea, why not simply listen to what the bands are playing?!?! novel. in the states we are being inendated with pop-heavy rock that is so overproduced that it all sounds the same. there is another rant that you could go on for hours on end...what is wrong with an electric guitar sounding like a guitar? i just finished tracking the rythm tracks for our new ep, one guitar through a marshal stack turned up good and fucking loud, CAD vx2 to a chandler germanium warmed up just a bit, to the amek and then to the mac, and then did the same thing with the other guitar through a super-reverb and the more i go back to mix it down, the less i want to. it sounds like a pair of fucking rock and roll guitars! egads!!! how is that for a blog comment! now, stop being a whiner and keep me posted about the goings on of your auto-physically abusive lifestyle that i no longer get to live in it's entirety. you know we think you are brilliant!

p.s. i'll give you the url when a track or two is your input

7:16 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Amen to that!!

8:06 pm  

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