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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Gigs, mini choppers and beach huts.

Sooo: Fuck me, I'm not actually sure where to start on this one, would it be the trumpet player T falling asleep at some random airport in the middle of nowhere, missing his flight and having to be extracted at a later time, or the guitarist getting locked up in the drunk tank for the night, or the tour manager getting fired, or the two days spent by the beach recuperating with my mate C after the gigs ?

Needless to say, I only returned from the weekends gigs last night and have a day off before flying to Russia in the morning!

Anyway, I arrived at Lounge on the Farm last Thursday and basically hung out till the band turned up on Sat evening, it was good to catch up with a few old mates, have a chat, get stoned etc. Bumped into Sweedy gwirl but, to be honest, we didn't have a lot to say to each other, never mind eh! I may have upset her later by the presence of my mate C, but... she's just a mate so I didn't see any harm in inviting her?

Sooo, Thurday night:

I was sat in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he's like: " Any idea what this bar's gonna be called?"

Me: " Yeah... Brian mate?"

Him: "Brian?"

Me: " Yeah man...Brian!!"

Him: " Err ok!!"

Obviously I was taking the piss, obviously he didn't cotton on, obviously I had no idea that this guy was the sign writer for the bar... Ooops! came to pass from that day forward the bar was to be known as... A Bar Called Brian?

I didn't know he was the fukin sign writer did I !!

Friday night was spent hanging out watching bands by the sound desk and generally getting pissed. It got to around 1am and I'm like, sat bored, no beer, by myself when along comes Sweedy gwirl and dumps a 24 pack in my lap. Good girl, top skills.

I hung around for a little bit longer, got drunk, then pulled out the sleeping bag and wiped out.

Sat morning woke up, had breakfast, watched more bands and just hung out some more. My mate C turned early afternoon and we got sooo pissed it just wasn't funny. We trudged around the farm, playing silly buggers and generally just having a laugh. At one point I even bought her a new dress I think?

Sat night, sobered up a little and then did a corking gig with the band, we sat around till like four in the morning getting more pissed and fell asleep in the VIP tent with C, we had hotel rooms but we were far too pissed to start driving about at that point.

We got woken by the girls running the VIP tent at like fukin 9 in the morning ( and they nicked my bottle of bloody vodka??) I hate being woken up too early and it left me in a foul mood, so me and C got in the car and just buggered off to Guilfest for gig number two ahead of the tour bus.

We arrived at Guilfest at 2pm after a pub lunch, met up with the band again, had a bit more food and a lot more booze and discover that JR ( the guitarist ) had been arrested the night before and thrown in the drunk tank?? Something to do with a hotel bar lock-in, a Karaoke machine and a moody hotel guest. I won't go into it in too much detail here, but needless to say he had to be sprung loose by his girlfriend the next morning ( who, luckily for him, has friends in the CID)

Sooo... we're three songs into the gig and JR appears from the back of the stage, plugs up his guitar and joins in, only to be blasted by an on stage smoke machine which in turn makes him throw up on stage!

B ( the lead singer ) announces that we're sorry the guitarist has just arrived...but we had to break him out of Jail this morning... Ooops!

The crowd fukin loved it!!

Guilfest had a beautiful FOH desk and sound system only to be spoiled by this Environmental health dickhead with his Sound level meter and his stupid 90db sound limit, who kept telling me to turn it down every two fukin minutes??

He's like ( pushing his stupid meter in my face) : " Turn the bass down please"

Me: " I can't even hear it mate?"

Him: " It still needs to be turned down"

Me: " Do you wanna mix the band then??"

Him: " No?"

Me: " Well fuck off then, I don't come into your house at 11:45pm and remove the can of beer your drinking do I?"

Him: " Errr no??"

Me: " Well don't come into mine telling me what I can and can't fukin do mate eh, go on, fuck off...let's go!!"

Note to Environmental health dickheads and their stupid sound limits: You don't go to festivals to listen to quiet music you fukin idiots?? I wouldn't care if it was a decent level (say 105db) but 90db is a fukin shit limit to impose ( it's about as loud as your vacuum cleaner gets ??) Fukin rules, fukin regulations, fukin sick of them, fukin 'A' !!!

Can you tell that I'm a bit anti-authoritarian?

I could have got some magnificent pictures from the FOH tower but... the battery ran out in my camera yet again.? ( remind me to take a bloody spare in Russia!!)

Anyway the gig was a stormer, so all good.

Me and C got soo pissed in the afternoon that I really can't remember the rest of the day although I can remember trying to find the car at 2am in the middle of a field whilst throwing stones and shouting at the police mini drone helicopter that had followed me across the field.

" Go on, fuck off with your surveillance and your mini chopper and your smoking ban and your 90db sound limit and and and....!!!" ( falls over in mud )

I was only left alone when the key fob triggered the car locks and the car lit up like a Christmas tree signifying that I wasn't actually trying to steal a fukin car? I pulled out my sleeping bag and kipped on the back seat. Gawd knows were C had got to ?

I was awoken the next morning by C who turned up in another car with another mate R who I had no idea was at the festival and who C had no idea was friends with me? Small world eh.

We spent the rest of the day ( Monday ) in Guilford with a load of R's mates at the pub and then went back to this guys house, smoked spliff, drank Cider and eventually wiped out.

Nice day!

Jeez this is a long post.

I spent the next couple of days in Hastings, by the Sea with C. C has a good old English beach hut, so we spent Wed ( Tues was spent in bed ) by the sea drinking wine, eating Greek food ( Humous olives pitta etc. ) and enjoying the sun.

A very British day out, lurved it. Bit sunburned though.

Got the last train back to London last night, and here I am again, writing it all up. Today I'm relaxing and tomorrow it all starts again in Russia ( St Petersburg )

Turning into a good year methinks...

Not sure how or why the tour manager got sacked, but I'm sure I'll find out all the goss tomorrow?




Blogger mende said...

" Go on, fuck off with your surveillance and your mini chopper and your smoking ban and your 90db sound limit and and and....!!!" ( falls over in mud )
you crack me up :)

4:07 pm  
Blogger Alex said...

Have a butchers at what the local rag's saying bout you:

10:39 pm  
Blogger Lippy said...

I am envious of your hangover recovery time - maybe it's an age thing (over 40 now and all that) but a serious bender now = 3 day recovery, it's not good!

12:09 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Not good at all dear.

7:48 pm  

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