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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

How fukin loud ?

Sooo , Last nights band night was a lot of fun , three Grungy type bands for starters and then thee loudest band that I've ever heard in my life ( and that's going some !! ) for the main course ..

Ok , the venue I was aworking consists of three rooms . One main band room say 2000 people , a bar for 300 people and a smaller room for 400 people ...

Last nights promotors had chosen the smaller room due to budgeting costs to hold their band night .. Me personally I think the small room is too small for bands as once you get a drum kit playing it can get unpleasently loud to the point where It can be painfull and of course the guitarists like to be as loud as the drummer so it can get fukin awfull in there ..

I've measured 132 decibels in there before ... That's about as loud as standing next to a medium sized commercial jet on take off ( i.e. Fukin loud as fuck ) ... And dangerous if you don't have earplugs in !! ... But the kids seem to love it so what the fuck do I know !!

Anyway that's the noise level with one drum kit , last nights band had four !! , Yep you heard correct ... Four fukin drum kits !! ... Four Drumkits , two guitar ( lead and bass ) , one old casiotone keyboard and a lead singer ... Fuck me !! I have never heard anything as loud in my life ... I didn't have my decimeter ( sound level meter ) with me last night so I couldn't measure the levels but I reckon it was right off the scale ... Put it this way , if health and safety had been there we would have been shut down ... Immediately !!!!

So , it gets to kerfew and this band are showing no signs of stopping , therefore I'm given the task of ending the set ... Woopee fukin doo ... Sorta like trying to stop a steam train by putting you foot out on the track ...

OK so first line of defence ... Mute the sound system ... No good as the guitars and drums are louder than the rig is anyway , so minimal impact ...Next line of defence ... Trip the circuit breakers , again , that gets rid of the two guitars and the keyboard ... But the drummers just keep on drumming .. Next line of defence , put on the house lights , that just makes it bright but still those pesky drummers keep doing their thing .. As far as my battlefield techniques go , I'm all out of bullets here people and the Germans are moving in for the kill .. Doomed I am , Doomed !!!

So the bar manager , mad as a fish Irishman comes running down the stairs .. The guys totally potty but a real laugh !!

" Turn that fukin racket off bejeezus , you'll have somefukers eye out !!!! "

Me : " It is off mate , Thats all I can do "

Him : " Crikey lord gawwdy mother of jeezus .. Right that's it .."

He runs into the middle of the drummers...


He starts confiscating drumsticks from the various drummers like he's the teacher taking control of a rowdy classroom .. Very , very Fukin funny !!

He gets all the drumsticks and throws them all in the direction of the bar , everybody ducks as they slam into the coffee machine ...

Double fukin funny ...

" Thank you very fukin much you pesky fukin children !! " He's laughing at the same time so it's all kinda tongue in cheek ..

" Now tidy up this fukin mess and get to bed before your mother fuking sees it "

He leaves the stage kicking various mic stand over etc...

As he walks away , one of the drummers ( a girl ) produces another set of drumsticks and starts playing again ..

He scuttles back onto the stage , trips over various leads etc. grabs her drumsticks and snaps them over his knee ..

He raises his hand to her .. " If I didn't want your children .. I'd be thrashing your backside by now you petulant little fuker !! "

He then storms off like a child ..

By this time me and the band are pissing ourselfs laughing ... Top !!

That counts as about number six in my great rock n roll moments of all time .. Fukin hillarious in the extreme .. I nearly fukin wet myself ...

I was still gigling about it while having a stoppyback drink in the bar an hour later ...

Ha !!!

So yeah , four drumkits = Too fukin loud ...

Fukin awesome sound though ...

Ok soo , today I'm working at home and tomorrows band night got cancelled so that leaves huge band night on Friday ..

It's turning ( apart from the Banking shit ) into a really enjoyable week people ...

All good , all good indeedy ...

Bye !!


Blogger what's_my_line? said...

"Ours go up to 11"

6:50 pm  
Blogger what's_my_line? said...

BTW, A drunken foul mouth irishman makes more good humor than anything I know. God bless the rotten bastards.

6:52 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Yep .. the guys such a laugh as well ...

6:53 pm  
Blogger ty bluesmith said...


9:11 pm  
Blogger mr. tomas ubik said...

solid tale.

4:55 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Thank yawll !!

1:42 am  
Blogger Smartypants said...

Um, officially, it's "y'all." Say it like you just ate a mess o' cornbread, a heapa' collard greens and you just installed a gun rack in your pick-up truck.

Actually, I really like it when you speak in British.

= )

3:50 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Well thank you very much indeedy then !!

4:06 am  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

you should check out my podcast you crazy fucker. There is some Frnech house music in there too.

find it.

i know you;re smart enough.

(and I was serious when I asked before about it you had access to any good house music tracks. I need one for the short film... and I don;t want it to be any old shit.)

The SECOND tune on my podcast in a cool French house music track. Not the best, but it is something.

4:32 am  
Blogger Doom/Blondie said...

do you EVER fucking sleep?

Anyway, I have a fucking meeting with my producer at 12:15pm tomorrow in soho. So I should really go to bed now.

It is 5:00am now.

fuck it.

5:00 am  

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