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Friday, October 07, 2005

Mic check ... One two !!

Soo , Last night was busy busy ... Four bands all pretty much the same , drums two guitars , bass , couple of singers , few groupies etc..

Band No.1 was ok , No. two band are not bad apart from the lead singer dented my brand fukin new SM58 vocal mic .. Twat !! Band No.3 were fukin excellent ... their lead singer really lit the venue up and the whole set was mega tight ...

And then there was the headlining band ( I'm mentioning no names here !! ) ..

I was really looking forward to engineering this band .. The've had a shit load of media saturation over the last two weeks plus their unsigned and seemingly pegged for the top .. They brought a huge crowd of about 500 people with them and some of the top A & R talent scouts were at the venue ...

The soundcheck had gone OK I suppose , allthough they gave nothing away by not really playing any songs but mearly testing the mics etc. Not really that good for me as I don't get a proper balance of sound but after the three support acts that's well and truely sorted anyway .. Ok a bit rock and roll but i'm a trooper , I can deal with band egos not wanting to give anything away at the soundcheck .. All good ..

Sooo ... The anticipation in the venue was amazing , you could tell something truely special was about to go down .. The crowd was fukin buzzing like a hornets nest ..

The band had a five minute intro consisting of visuals , walk on music , strange bass tones etc... By the time they hit the stage the crowd was going ballistic ...

They introduced themselves to screams of delight from the girls in the mosh pit ... Good looking guys , they certainly looked the part and after that intro they would have had to !!

Sooo , this band screams into the first number , the place goes fukin wild ... After about ten seconds of the first song I realise something .... This band are fukin absolutely fukin .... Shite !!!! No , not the shit , but shit , really fukin shit !!

They can't play , not a fukin note .... The drummer can't hit the snare in the same place twice , in fact Idon't think he actually hit the fukin snare and he can't play in time , the guitarists can't play in time or tune , they sound like a bunch of stepped on cat's ( with their mouths taped up , mumbly high pitched toss ) , and the bass player seems to be playing a different tune to everyone else ... I coudn't believe how fukin bad these guys were ... Fukin terrible !!

I really thought that this was some kind of fukin joke to wind the audience up , but no , second song the same , third , and then fourth ??

I was doing some serious turd polishing from behind the mixing desk I can tell you ..

Some girl comes up to me ... " turn up the vocal I can't hear what their singing !! " ... " Funny that love , neither can I and it's up as far as it can possibly go ? " .. Those vocal setting with any other band would be deafening the fukin crowd by now ??

Fukin terrible .. Every riff and chord change ( if you can call it that ) has me cringing behind the mixing desk ..

What's coming out of the PA system is just a wall of absolute shite , and then some !!

I'm thinking that these guys are like off their heads or something .. but all of them , surely not ?? , and when they talk between songs they sound pretty sober to me ??

This band ( and I use that phrase as a reference point ) , can obviously talk the talk , do the drugs , mix with the right people in the know ... But can they walk the walk , can they fuck !!

Complete toss !!

I watch as about four of the top A & R men in the business sneak out of the venue , scratching their heads ..

The crowd seem to be enjoying this , but I think it was what I call the " lost sheep effect " .. i.e. your pissed , your really supposed to be enjoying this , it's probably art and your mates seem to be enjoying it , you feel obliged to be enjoying it , so you naturally just do !!

The band finish their set , the crowd shouts ( in a half arsed way ) .. " more ! , more ! " ... So they come back on and do the worst encore I've ever heard , ever , period !! .... I don't think that song was actually written , I seriously think it was made up on the fukin spot ..

Terrible ..

Band off stage , lights up , venue cleared , band in dressing room talking about the gig.. This is actually what was being said !!

" Thats the best gig we've ever fucking done lads , fucking top stuff "

" Yeah the crowd were mad for us "

" Did you see the birds upfront , I'm gonna shag em all "

" Yeah that new chorus before the bridge , fucking rocked it !!! "

" Did you speak to the A & R , I think they all fucked off early so they can be first to offer us a deal !! "

" Yeah man ... were gonna be fucking massive " ..

Pleeeaaassseee !!!!

Your fukin shite , If you get signed , I'm gonna find another job ...

Lead singer to me ... " eeer mate , how do you fancy doin the sound on our world tour "

Me .. " O fuck yeah , but I'm too commited at the moment lads , sorry and that "

Lead singer..." We'll pay you double "

Me.... " Fuck yeah "

I give him a false number .. Hopefully that's the end of it !!

Jeez Louise , Rock and fukin roll , is there no end to this shit !!

As I'm clearing the stage the guy from the band three comes up to me ... " What the fuck was that about ? " ....

Me ... " I'm thinking exactly the same thinking mate "

Him .. " I can't believe that just happened "

Me ..." No comment mate "

Him .. " Yep !! "

Me ... " Yep !! "

Ouch ... Rock and roll !!

Off out to run a club people ..

Bye !


Blogger mr. tomas ubik said...

i wish you would name names, sure it might be bad for you mysterious image, but at least those supporting the rock world wont be dupped into buying a ticket for their world tour, and can reserve themselves to stolen mp3's instead.

y'aarrrr pirates

5:47 pm  
Blogger sheriff of nothing said...

How funny if they did get signed!

10:28 pm  
Blogger Smartypants said...

Name names! You tease!

4:26 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

The only signing they will be doing is for their benefit cheques !!

4:40 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

If they get a world tour , I'll tell you in advance who they are ... but I really can't see that happening + I overheard some kids talking at the club last night about how fukin terrible this band are , so the words out already + I can't find any gig reviews on the net which is a really , really bad sign !!

10:35 am  
Blogger ty bluesmith said...

sweet post

12:36 am  

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