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Monday, April 30, 2007

The Towers of Toss

Sooo, Jo asked me the question: "I've always wondered if that lead singer from the Towers of London is a actual twat in real life or if he saves it just for telly..."

Yes he is, and then some, here's why.

OK I've engineered the Towers of London twice, the first time went without a hitch and, to be honest, apart from the big hair and the over tight jeans, I never really gave them a second thought. Just another shite indie band in the grand scheme of crap indie shite bands.

But...the second time I did them, they really showed their true colours as a bunch of childish immature little shits with about as much musical talent as a one legged hamster playing a broken Steinway piano.

Sooo...these fools arrived at the venue and start drinking the cans of larger that they'd brought with them. This in turn pissed off the bar manager no end, it's just not done really, shows a complete lack of respect (unless of course you keep it out of site and/or in the dressing room). So the bar manager has a word, not a go mind you, just a quiet word. The band kick off about it. Wrong answer sunshine. A small ruk then breaks out which is ended by the bar manager pinning one of the band to the floor with the added bonus of " If you don't fuking behave yourselves then you ain't playing!!"

The band behaves itself for about half an hour. Then they start having a go at the other bands for no apparent reason by heckling them in their soundchecks etc. etc.?? ( more on this later) From the way they're going on, you'd think they were headlining but... they're actually the first band on, out of four. Not a good position really, bottom of the barrel territory, but we all have to start ( and end ) somewhere.

OK Sooo, 8:00pm and all the bands have soundchecked apart from the Towers, but the doors are at 8:00 so they don't get to check. This is not really important for two reasons: 1. They're the first band on so there won't be anybody in the venue and 2. All the bands , apart from the headlining act are sharing backline ( drums, guitar amps etc etc.) so therefore everything is line checked already so there's nothing to actually do. Anyway, the lead singer Danny Tourette ( I think?) comes booling over to me and he starts screaming and waving his fists at me. Wrong fukin answer again kiddo!! I just stare at him waiting for him to calm down before giving him the: " Listen fuck head, for your future information mate DON'T EVER PISS OFF THE SOUND MAN, COZ I HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE YOU SOUND SOOOO FUKIN SHITE THAT YOU'LL COME OFF STAGE CRYING...GEDIT!!" He immediately backs off ( guess there is a brain somewhere in that tiny little big haired head then eh?

The Towers finally go on stage after a huge bout of: " But there's nobody in the venue yet, we're not going on for a least another twenty minutes" My reply: " Get your fukin arse on stage right now or you ain't going on period." Who the fuck do these kids think they are??

Alrighty. First song (you say that) goes without a hitch, but halfway through the second number the guitarist breaks a string. He gets on the mic and he's like: " Can someone lend me a guitar coz me strings done?" Silence. Again: " Come on you gits someone lend us a guitar then?" Again complete silence. You see this guy and the rest of the band have pissed the other bands off so much that his chances of getting a guitar are virtually nil. The guy would have more chance of trying to stand on the Sun minus asbestos underpants.

Next thing he's screams into the microphone " Fuck ya then, you're all a bunch of cunts anyway!" before storming off stage and across the venue and out of the front door like a five year old would do if that five year old was actually two and a half. The band, unable to continue, all storm off stage. Good riddance as far as I'm concerned. No biggie in the grand scheme of things really.

Sooo... after about ten minutes the next band go on stage and start to play. The venue is filing up nicely at this point and it's turning into an OK night. But... this fukin guitarist runs back into the venue, onto the stage, mid set and starts to pull the drum kit apart?

For crying out loud!!

Turns out the backline that the other bands are borrowing belongs to the Towers of London, mainly because they didn't wanna use anyone else's gear and to save argument we just let them use theirs ( bad idea ) he's then joined by the other members of the band who start shifting all the amps etc. A classic case of "If I'm not playing, then nobody is!!" Jeez Louise, what a bunch of fukin two year olds. Yep, with no other drum kit, only the headlining act got to play that night ( they were an electro act, so therefore had no drums ) and we lost half of the crowd.


Well done Towers of London, you really are a credit to the music industry and, to be honest, if you can't make it big after your lead singer has been in the Big Brother house, you might as well pack it in and go and work on the factory lines...Where you all belong.

Here's a tip lads: It's all well and good having the look ( errrm ?? ) and the Z list big brother fame and the rebellious reputation, but... you really do have to back it all up with decent tunes, not just some Sex pistols/Clash/Status Quo pants rip off thing, I see ten of those playing every week, and that's just in one venue.

Sooo Jo to answer your question then: "I've always wondered if that lead singer from the Towers of London is a actual twat in real life or if he saves it just for telly..."

Yes, yes he is, and his band are ten times worse mate.



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Anonymous dc said...

Ha! Great story!

2:20 am  
Blogger MrMalachy said...

Man! What is it with skinny little fucks like him and Docherty? Wanker overload or what?

10:24 am  
Blogger Butchieboy said...

They sound like a charming bunch of fellas.

3:06 am  
Blogger Butchieboy said...

Just kidding. I hate bandfags.

3:10 am  
Blogger Jo said...

Ah! Ta very muchly, question answered. I've wondered ever since I saw Tourette boy on 'Never Mind The Buzzcocks' where everyone was invariably piss-funny...apart from him, and he made an actual fool of himself trying to be all quirky and offensive. Thankfully everyone else ripped him the whole way through for being a cock, it was comedy. I'll see if I can find it on YouTube, it's worth a look.

10:50 am  
Blogger Jo said...

haha...found it

4:24 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Linky no work Jo?

11:28 am  
Anonymous Jo said...

click on my name to see post with clips in it....or else go onto youtube and type in 'tourette' and 'never mind the buzzcocks' should come up. comedy viewage!

1:29 pm  

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