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Friday, July 01, 2005

50 ways to change your life ..

From an origional post written by me ( pissed ) several weeks ago , then pulled and forgotten about when I was in a bad mood ( don't ask , it's one of many !! ) ...

Bored with your life , try my easy guide to changing it forever ...

Not all for the best mind you !! but 100 % guaranteed ..

  1. Kick a policeman in the nuts... ( really fukin hard )
  2. Do a ski jump... ( on a sledge )
  3. Slap the key speaker at a feminists conference.. ( men only )
  4. Jump in front of a moving ambulance ( free ride to the hospital )
  5. Jump in front of a moving hearse ( free ride to the cemetery )
  6. Beat your boss up till he cries ...
  7. Play chicken on a motorway ( freeway )
  8. Fire yourself ..
  9. Set yourself on fire ...
  10. Start a fight in an Irish bar ...
  11. Spend £30,000 on credit cards and do a runner ( really works this one !! )
  12. kick a boxer in the nuts ...
  13. Joke about the bomb in your bag at any airport customs.. ( especially in America )..
  14. Joke about the drugs in your bag at any airport customs.. ( especially in Thailand )..
  15. Actually carry drugs in your bag going thru customs ( especially in Thailand ) ..
  16. Become a vicar ...
  17. Believe everything people tell you ...
  18. Wear a Shell/Bp/Texaco/oil company T-shirt at a Greenpeace meeting ..
  19. Sniff cocaine off a models behind ( all good )..
  20. Capture the evil spirit ( in a jam jar ) at an exorcism , and take the lid off in a confined space ..
  21. Take your star signs ( in tabloid newspapers ) and follow the advice given !!
  22. Believe in fairy's and mount a life crusade to take pictures of them ..
  23. As above but with UFO's/Yeti's/Ghosts etc etc etc....
  24. Learn to fly ( from a high place )...
  25. Take liquid LSD ( 1029% guaranteed )
  26. Take DMT ..
  27. Start believing politicians ...
  28. Enter yourself in the Indi 500 ( without a car )
  29. Have a TV on the side of a bubble bath , and try and change channels while standing up ..
  30. knock the Pope's hat off with an airgun !!
  31. Cause a Bush fire ( at the white house !! )
  32. Jump your highest jump , while stepping out of a helicopter ..
  33. Press the red button on a tour of any military base , any red button will do ..
  34. Pull the stripey lever in between your legs , while at mach 2 in a fighter jet ...
  35. Do a parachute jump without a parachute ..
  36. Try and jump between the White cliffs of Dover and France on a BMX ...
  37. Invent Dehydrated Water ( just add milk )..
  38. Invent the Hydrogen engine ( and watch as the whole world suffocate's )
  39. Invent a Star trek transporter machine.. ( Fukin please !!!! )..
  40. Then turn the power off half way through the first ever Diplomatic transport ...
  41. Or add something else as He/She is getting in .. King and spider , President and Rabbit poo , French Ambasador and frog , British Royal and mouldy pizza slice etc etc etc ... ( like in the fly ) ..
  42. Learn to speak Latin and spend your whole life trying to find a conversation ...
  43. Start a fight in a fish shop .. Batter the cod , put the herring in it's plaice , use the counter measure's , let the Girkin's get in a pickle etc etc etc ...
  44. Do a drug deal with a columbian , then rip him off ! ( you know who you are mate ! )
  45. Join a band ....
  46. Enter the Olympic 100m on speed or crystal meth ( new world record 3.4 secs )
  47. Invent a time machine and travel back to before you invented it .. Therefore ??
  48. Build a football sized atom bomb then donate it to the local school team ..
  49. Gamble all of your money on an event happening 1000 years from now ..
  50. or you could just get out of bed !!
And that's about the size of that ...

Actually I like this game , anybody fancy contributing to a Ways to change you life blog ??

If so , I 'll start it and anyone who has any tips i'll give a password to so we can all update it ???

Smashing idea me !!!

There you go , done it ...


Blogger kyknoord said...

Number 20 is an absolute winner. Works a treat with a pickle jar, too.

8:32 am  
Blogger LeeLoreya said...

lol cokehead is so lonely he comments to his own posts.

51. go into a supermarket at rush hour and try to buy one piece of strawberry or olive and insist that you want to pay for it.
52. go into a church and keep your cell switched on and make someone call you every five minutes so that everyone hears the michael jackson ringtone.
53. dry your hair in your bathtub (classic, i know)
54. go to the gourmet restaurant of an expensive hotel and at the end of a sumptious meal, tell them to charge an imaginary room number, and leave.
55. jog barefoot in the snow.

and so on and on and on....

9:37 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

No , just pissed last night !!

11:42 am  
Blogger Saucy Gillespie said...

Just in case you have any doubts, you truly rule! Perhaps one day I will have enough clout in this world to give you a proper award...but I seriously doubt it.
I guess that is enough of the ole arse kissing! Seriously...I love to read your blog.

10:00 pm  
Blogger sheriff of nothing said...

There needs to be something about nakedness..Run naked down the pitch at the Aussie V England test match . . . and cock your leg dog style on the stumps???

10:50 pm  
Blogger ty bluesmith said...

fuck yeah!!

3:36 am  

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