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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Umbrella terror?

Sooo, It was pissing down with rain yesterday morning so I grabbed an umbrella that I'd picked up in the club the other day. ( The good thing about running a club is that you're never short of hats, scarfs, gloves and umbrellas. People are always leaving that shit behind. )

So this is one of these newfangled ( well not that new really! ) brollies that have a button that you press and they (as if by magic) spring into action. But...this umbrella is's posh!

Posh, because upon a second push of the button, this thing retracts as well.

And... at great speed I must add.

Now, is this me, or is this like, a stupid fukin idea or wot?

Especially when you discover this by accident!!

Sooo, I'm walking along, in the rain, doing my thing, humming a tune, tapping out the beat with my thumb on the brolly handle, when all of a sudden I'm shrouded in complete fukin darkness.

Can't see a thing, no idea what's going on?

I'm being attacked in the Jaws of the polyester fukin brolly monster.

And he's winning!

I'm doing this kinda chicken impression down the street, just to get the damn thing off me.

But... I keep being re-clamped??

Fukin thing!!

Not being funny, but this wasn't actually funny!

Sooo, I did what any normal person would do in the same situation.

I fell over!!

Luckily [for me] the brellaterror discarded itself from my person, shooting skywards like some canvas death missile.

It scratched the fuck out of my arm on the way up too?

Thank gawd I wasn't crossing the road or something.

I just left the thing in the middle of the street.

And ran away...

Evil thing

I saw it on the way home and, quite frankly, crossed the fukin street out of harms way?

Evil satanic rain tool!!

Note to self: Thoroughly check all form of rain protection gear before leaving the house next time please.

What can you do?

Anyway, I'm having a bit of a Star Wars nostalgia trip at the moment, seeing as I don't have a Sunday girl, I guess watching all six episodes ( without getting winged at from the sidelines ) seems appropriate. I've done 1 and 2, which are 4 and 5 actually ( the blokes will know.) I'll do the rest on Saturday if L ain't around? Sunday I'm up North to headline some festival with the band.

Quote of the day [Darth Vader] : " Calrissian... take the Wookie and the Princess to my ship!"

You just can't make that shit up!

Talking of bands, I have a couple to do tomorrow night ( Thurs ), should be OK, bit of hip hop and beat boxing and stuff with some acts that I know will ram the venue, but a late finish so I'll be knackered Fri, bit of a sleep in I think, then the club Friday..

All go I guess.

Right, it's late so I'm gonna watch the end of 'The Empire Strikes Back' ( and he does! ) and turn in.

Complete fukin idiot, but sooo funny!

Very un-PC , but funny too!

Time to upgrade lol!



Blogger The Greybeard Loon said...

Thanks for the best laugh I've had today Cokehead. Great post!

2:00 am  
Anonymous liz said...

(I thought English people were born with special abilities in using all kinds of umbrellas.)

4:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also got me a fab go-go-gadget brolly, and I wouldn't do without it. It's the difference between sleek hair and an afro!

6:31 pm  
Blogger Cind said...

Vicious bastard things they are - I had one that used to just spontaneously shoot itself open in me work bag, very embarrassing as I'm sure some folks thought it was a super size automatic vibrator. Bastard thing - I went back to a bubble brolly!!

9:36 pm  
Blogger Nobody Girl said...

The Brolly Strikes Back! Ha..the mental image of you being attacked by an umbrella has made my evening :D

11:46 pm  
Blogger london cokehead said...

Thanks all?

1:38 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahhaha, thanks for teh brolly tale

12:24 pm  
Blogger Jo said...

haha...the umbrella strikes back.

incase no one else was around to laugh at the umbrella attack, I'll laugh


12:48 am  
Blogger Jo said...

oh damn, nobody girl got there with the star wars reference before i did...

12:48 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

HA ha!

3:29 am  

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