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Saturday, September 23, 2006

Lightning sound

Sooo, I got to do my first band on our new club sound system last night, sounded pretty fukin hot as well. The band we're a kinda electronic dub reggae type affair, one of my favorite types of music to do, you just make sure the bass and drums sound fat and then the rest just sits somewhere in between. Pretty decent night as well, although there were a lot of idiot pill heads dancing around like fukin loonies in the venue, and sooo many people smoking dope??

I always find it totally hypocritical watching somebody thrown out of the club for smoking a reefer , but it's kinda like this: It's not that we don't want people smoking green in the venue (I'm all up for it ), it's just that in the every increasing world of fukin nanny state draconian laws... Your joint ain't worth our licence kidda!! Just remember that the next time your ejected from a venue for, "Only avin a fucking toke mate?"

Ok sooo... One thing that really really pissed me off last night, (Oh here we go again!!) The fukin last DJ's spoilt brats inability to listen to anything he's been sodding told? Ok, we have this brand new sound system that's like totally fukin loud to the point of pain when it's slammed hard, and this cunt is driving it (on the DJ mixing console) right into the fukin red to the point of crass distortion! I hate this shit about DJ's , they think that everything has to be turned up full in order for them to sound good? What's wrong mate, you think the people at the back of the classroom can't hear you? For fucks sake!

Note to DJ's the world over: KEEP IT OUT OF THE FUKIN RED!! Why? Ok I'll tell you why, COZ IT DISTORTS LIKE FUCK, SOUNDS SHITE AND CAN FUCK UP A SOUND SYSTEM!!!

Technical explaination of why: When a DJ mixer is driven hard, all of your nice flowing sound waves turn into square waves and the sound becomes soo compressed that it DISTORTS LIKE FUCK AND CAN TEAR A SPEAKER TO SHREADS. Imagine your nice flowing waveforms as a butter knife gently rubbing down the skin on your arm. Tickles yes, damages no!! Then imagine as the more you apply pressure to the edge of the blade it starts to sharpen. Eventually if you apply enough pressure it become like a razor and because it's an exponential gain, by the time the knife breaks your skin, it's not only cut you, it's like, gone through the fukin bone and is making a bee-line for your dorsal aorte. In other words, your fucked!!

Not many people know this, but you can blow a 500 watt speaker with a 50 watt amp by applying this theory, and (take my word for it, I set fire to my bed sheets as a kid) if you hold the knife effect just on the point of blowing the speakers, with the right frequency, a soft dome tweeter can create ball lightning... BEWARE THOUGH, IT WILL EVENTUALLY BLOW AND THE BALL WILL ESCAPE TO SOMEWHERE IN YOUR IMMEDIATE VICINITY!!! Mine set fire to the bed sheets (Sorry about the cat mum, I was just making some ball lightning when...) I do not recommend this experiment anywhere in your own home, you have been warned!

I digress.

So yeah, this fukin stupid DJ was slamming the system, totally deafening the audience and generally making everything sound shite.. Would he listen though, would he fuck!!

Fukin idiot DJ's!!

Right, It's Saturday, so I'm off down the pub to meet some mates.

Woops!

Poke the bunny, and why not!!

No fukin idea!

And...Totally nuts!

Laters

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've yet to meet a DJ who listens to anybody.
Is it wrong that I was to see what that ball lightning experiment looks like?

11:22 am  
Blogger london cokehead said...

No, not really. Take it from me it's pretty scary.

2:01 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree. As a funtimes DJ myself. Really always try to make an effort that it sounds good. That is the most important thing. You are not playing for yourself, your there to entertain not deafen.

Although sometimes when sneaking in the Metal can get carried away.

6:55 pm  

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